12 yr old girl - anxious and low self esteem

friday girl wrote: »

Hi , I am wondering if anyone else has dealt with this . My 12 y/o daughter is very anxious , especially when we are going out. She worries about all of us and she also seems to have low self esteem. She is an easy target for the ""stronger personalities" in her class to make fun of . I have watched her with her friends and yes she does seem a little needy . she says she is the least popular in the group . Sometimes she is so stressed going into school that she can barely eat breakfast. At these times her behaviour at home dis improves and she tends to take her frustrations out on her younger brother. This then gets her into trouble . when its all pointed out she is very sorry but I know its all stemming from stress. The kids in her class are a confident bunch but are nice for the most part , Of course there are the few bullies but she stays away as much as she can from them.
Does anyone know of any camps or courses thet could help her in building her confidence , She is going into first year next year and I really feel I need to try to build her up a bit ,
Any one any Ideas of how I can help her with anxiety , confidence & social skills
thanks

By "when we are going out" do you mean when you and your partner are going out and leaving her with a baby sitter or is she anxious when she and the rest of the family are going out? If it is the first one then this may explain why she is stressed about going to school as she doesn't want to be separated from you

Have you considered Play Therapy for her?
Helping Children with Low Self Esteem by Margot Sunderland is a really good book for understanding what's happening for her and how to help her, its about 22euro on book depository

Few things.

Is this behaviour a new behaviour or something that has been around a while? In both instances, what might have been a trigger (beareavement, transition of any sort, exams, puberty, bullying, stuff at home, and experiences..). She is in 6th class right? That move to secondary school can be a massive stressor too.. Lots of children and teens experience this kind of anxiety and often it just takes a little while and a few tools to sort it out.

How is stress and anxiety handled within the family? Children absorb everything and try as we might to shield our little ones from our stresses and worries, it's difficult. Is there stuff going on that she might be sensing or picking up? How are the adults around her modelling coping with anxiety, and what do they do with their difficult feelings; have outbursts, talk to someone, brush it under the rug?

I would suggest meeting with the teacher and asking hwo she presents during the school day, both during class time and also at unstructured playtimes; this will def help you to know where the issue is primarily based.

A girl like this needs a lot of reassurance, a lot of active listening and if it's available, explore her seeing a counsellor or play therapist in school; sometimes children need to have that distance to tell their worries. It's a very real scary feeling.

Until that happens, try practical things like a worry tree, or a worry jar, even worry dolls, where she has to write down her anxieties each night and that's it.

Few good books; the Margot Sunderland one is useful for you to read. For her, The Huge Bag of Worries is excellent; it may seem a little young but I have used it successfully with teens as the message is the same. I also like 'What to do when you worry too much' which is in workbook format.

Might be worth looking into something like Girl Guides too.
Hope this is of help somwhat