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Straight guy. What to do now?

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  • 05-06-2015 10:04pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Recently I had a strange experience. I met this guy about a month ago. He has a girlfriend. He was being really really friendly with me at a party and invited me back to his for a drink. We had some drinks and got a bit huggy feely. I interpreted it as flirting. In fact we took some selfies where he was kissing me on the cheek. We sort of kissed. We were both very drunk. I got the impression he was very torn on what he wanted to do. I think half of him wanted to go further and half didn't. Anyway not much more happened. The next day we chatted briefly on facebook but not since. So I arranged an event in a week or two and he is one of the first to sign up. Am I reading too much into this? Was he just being friendly? Should I just completely go with the flow?


Comments

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    #2
    lyinghere
    Registered Users Posts: 132 ✭✭lyinghere


    go with the flow is all ya can do!


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    #3
    tomato1234
    Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭tomato1234


    well, you have to tell us the rest of the story now. :) He is definitely not just being friendly.


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    #4
    Ethel
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭Ethel


    EDM33 wrote: »
    He has a girlfriend.

    I'd like to tell you to see how it goes, but the above fact is the elephant in the room. If he has feelings anyone else, be they another woman or a man, the guy needs to deal with this. Its not fair for him to cheat on her, and what's more, you shouldn't be happy for him to cheat either.

    Outside of that issue, and depending what you want out of this; what happens if he gets experimental when he's drunk then takes a nose dive back into the closet in the cold light of day?

    I'm sorry if I've put a dampner on things! But if you do really like him you would end up being the one hurt unless he sorts his life out.


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    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    tomato1234 wrote: »
    well, you have to tell us the rest of the story now. :) He is definitely not just being friendly.

    There isn't much more to the story.

    That's just it though. Maybe I'm completely misinterpreting this and he was just being friendly!


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ethel wrote: »
    I'd like to tell you to see how it goes, but the above fact is the elephant in the room. If he has feelings anyone else, be they another woman or a man, the guy needs to deal with this. Its not fair for him to cheat on her, and what's more, you shouldn't be happy for him to cheat either.

    Outside of that issue, and depending what you want out of this; what happens if he gets experimental when he's drunk then takes a nose dive back into the closet in the cold light of day?

    I'm sorry if I've put a dampner on things! But if you do really like him you would end up being the one hurt unless he sorts his life out.

    I hear ya

    Do you suggest maybe see what happens in the sense of see if he gets flirty again and then maybe have a chat to him when he is sober?


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  • Options
    #7
    dub45
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 12,448 Mod ✭✭✭✭dub45


    EDM33 wrote: »
    There isn't much more to the story.

    That's just it though. Maybe I'm completely misinterpreting this and he was just being friendly!

    What do you want out of this situation?


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    #8
    Cody montana
    Registered Users Posts: 5,234 ✭✭✭Cody montana


    If it does go further isn't that cheating?


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    #9
    tomato1234
    Registered Users Posts: 75 ✭✭tomato1234


    EDM33 wrote: »
    I hear ya

    Do you suggest maybe see what happens in the sense of see if he gets flirty again and then maybe have a chat to him when he is sober?

    I can tell you like him. This is an awkward moment. Maybe you should just wait until the friendship is building up.


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    #10
    Ethel
    Registered Users Posts: 106 ✭✭Ethel


    EDM33 wrote: »
    I hear ya

    Do you suggest maybe see what happens in the sense of see if he gets flirty again and then maybe have a chat to him when he is sober?

    Sorry Ive only seen your reply to me now. I hope I'm not too late in saying to you that I think you need to back down. The guy seems very confused, I don't think he's figured it out yet what he's doing. He certainly isn't facing up to his feelings about men if its only surfacing while drunk. Not only that, but he is behaving in a way that is not exactly respectful or loyal to his girlfriend. It shows great weakness of character to cheat on someone, is that really the kind of person you want to be involved with? You need to be more bothered by that than you seem to be.

    Youre caught up in a whirlwind of excitement because you like him. If you really insist on pursuing this, then speak to him sober and you'll have your answer. See if he is capable of being honest (remember, he's a cheater), or will he get defensive, deny everything and head back to Narnia? This is a very rocky route I don't advise you to take op..


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    #11
    Riddler87
    Registered Users Posts: 30 ✭Riddler87


    VERY rocky road...

    Similar situation happened to me before. My advice... stay away!


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    #12
    Pride Before Ignorance
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Pride Before Ignorance


    Personally I'd go for it. My BF of 6 months had a GF when we met. I don't knw what I'd do without him.


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    #13
    moc moc a moc
    Registered Users Posts: 1,299 ✭✭✭moc moc a moc


    Pride Before Ignorance wrote: »
    My BF of 6 months had a GF when we met

    If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.


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    #14
    Pride Before Ignorance
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Pride Before Ignorance


    moc moc a moc wrote: »
    If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

    Your post is a bit edgy mister. He was with a woman at the time. He has since discovered himself and came out. Different circumstances.


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    #15
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Boys like that are just trouble. Find a guy who's comfortable with his sexuality, you'll be much happier.


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    #16
    Rick_
    Registered Users Posts: 2,606 ✭✭✭Rick_


    Pride Before Ignorance wrote: »
    He was with a woman at the time. He has since discovered himself and came out. Different circumstances.
    Being with you behind her back, regardless of how he felt or what he was dealing with, is still cheating. He could have broke it off with her and then went on his voyage of self-discovery but chose not to and kept her in the dark.


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    #17
    Pride Before Ignorance
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Pride Before Ignorance


    Paddy C wrote: »
    Being with you behind her back, regardless of how he felt or what he was dealing with, is still cheating. He could have broke it off with her and then went on his voyage of self-discovery but chose not to and kept her in the dark.

    To be honest, if he would like to satisfy his sexual desires with a woman I told him he could, just tell me first. I am 200% honest in this. There is a marked difference between lust and love.


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    #18
    jobbridge4life
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,759 ✭✭✭jobbridge4life


    Pride Before Ignorance wrote: »
    To be honest, if he would like to satisfy his sexual desires with a woman I told him he could, just tell me first. I am 200% honest in this. There is a marked difference between lust and love.

    Good for you but it doesn't sound like the woman involved had the opportunity to be so magnanimous.


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    #19
    Pride Before Ignorance
    Registered Users Posts: 38 ✭Pride Before Ignorance


    jobbridge4life wrote: »
    Good for you but it doesn't sound like the woman involved had the opportunity to be so magnanimous.

    People cheat. People aren't perfect. I have cheated in the past. I realised that my partner at the time wasn't fulfilling me. It took me cheating to realise this. I'm not proud of this but it happened. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. My BFs not perfect. I am not going to apologise for that.


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    #20
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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    #21
    jobbridge4life
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,759 ✭✭✭jobbridge4life


    Pride Before Ignorance wrote: »
    People cheat. People aren't perfect. I have cheated in the past. I realised that my partner at the time wasn't fulfilling me. It took me cheating to realise this. I'm not proud of this but it happened. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. My BFs not perfect. I am not going to apologise for that.

    I'm not looking for an apology, some recognition that sexual confusion or frustration is not an excuse for betrayal is all.


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    #22
    nozipcode
    Registered Users Posts: 137 ✭✭nozipcode


    OP. Run. Run for your life.

    let him experiment with someone who isn't emotionally involved. Sounds like you already are.


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    #23
    Locker10a
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 4,142 Mod ✭✭✭✭Locker10a


    Pride Before Ignorance wrote: »
    People cheat. People aren't perfect. I have cheated in the past. I realised that my partner at the time wasn't fulfilling me. It took me cheating to realise this. I'm not proud of this but it happened. I'm not perfect. You're not perfect. My BFs not perfect. I am not going to apologise for that.

    I wonder would you be so flippant if you were head over heels in love with someone and discovered they were cheating on you while you thought you were in a committed and loving relationship


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    #24
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Paddy C wrote: »
    Being with you behind her back, regardless of how he felt or what he was dealing with, is still cheating. He could have broke it off with her and then went on his voyage of self-discovery but chose not to and kept her in the dark.
    Obviously he has broke it off with her :confused:

    No relationship is cast in stone,anyone can meet someone else discover they want them more than their current partner and move on having broken up with the other one
    Otherwise there wouldn't be any such thing as divorce and we'd all only ever have one partner
    There is you know an overlap in such circumstances, I think its folly o suggest otherwise

    obviously deciding not to choose one over the other but secretly carry on behind lover 1`s back is not what I'm talking about here

    To the OP,flirt away but be emotionally careful
    If something happens,discuss it immediately to discover where you stand


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    #25
    OldMrBrennan83
    Closed Accounts Posts: 26,658 ✭✭✭✭OldMrBrennan83


    This post has been deleted.


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