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Does this make sense to you?

  • 17-09-2015 8:06pm
    #1
    joecc
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭


    make sense to you, immediately?
    is there a line, that throws you?

    it's Verse 1....

    I peel off, roll away,
    all the days of love and regret,
    from the label of this long-neck

    Flash a wide search light,
    in my murky mem'ry,
    Still all my failings, fail to kill me....


Comments

  • #2
    Notavirus.exe
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Notavirus.exe


    joecc wrote: »
    make sense to you, immediately?
    is there a line, that throws you?

    it's Verse 1....

    I peel off, roll away,
    all the days of love and regret,
    from the label of this long-neck

    Flash a wide search light,
    in my murky mem'ry,
    Still all my failings, fail to kill me....

    I don't have experience in songs but I keep stumbling on what I've put in bold. "from the label of this long neck" makes me stumble.


  • #3
    Kev W
    Registered Users Posts: 2,536 ✭✭✭Kev W


    It makes total sense to me, really nice wordplay.


  • #4
    joecc
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭joecc


    Notavirus.exe wrote: »
    I don't have experience in songs but I keep stumbling on what I've put in bold. "from the label of this long neck" makes me stumble.


    It's just that situation when you're on your own, and you're peeling off the label off a bottle of booze, and thinking of all your downfalls, regrets, mishaps, fxxk up's etc....

    that's what I was getting at.....

    thanks for your reply...


  • #5
    joecc
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭joecc


    Kev W wrote: »
    It makes total sense to me, really nice wordplay.

    thanks, thanks...hope all is well.


  • #6
    Notavirus.exe
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 832 ✭✭✭Notavirus.exe


    joecc wrote: »
    It's just that situation when you're on your own, and you're peeling off the label off a bottle of booze, and thinking of all your downfalls, regrets, mishaps, fxxk up's etc....

    that's what I was getting at.....

    thanks for your reply...

    Don't take my opinion seriously, I'm no expert on this.

    I wouldn't imagine a label to be on a bottle's neck though, it makes me go "what?" every time I read it. All I'm doing is criticising, don't listen to me.


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  • #7
    joecc
    Registered Users Posts: 95 ✭✭joecc


    It's just something that was in my head...peeling off the label off a long neck bottle...whilst thinking of this and that...


  • #8
    mid fifties
    Registered Users Posts: 114 ✭✭mid fifties


    joecc wrote: »
    make sense to you, immediately?
    is there a line, that throws you?

    it's Verse 1....

    I peel off, roll away,
    all the days of love and regret,
    from the label of this long-neck

    Flash a wide search light,
    in my murky mem'ry,
    Still all my failings, fail to kill me....

    First of all what you're writing about would make a good song but for me as i was reading it the way you have your lyric lines did make me stumble at times but i think you can easily fix that, just a example of what i mean.

    peel off days of love and regret,
    tearing away the label of this long-neck
    flash a wide search light in murky memories,
    still all my failures, fail to kill me


  • #9
    Kev W
    Registered Users Posts: 2,536 ✭✭✭Kev W


    Notavirus.exe wrote: »
    Don't take my opinion seriously, I'm no expert on this.

    I wouldn't imagine a label to be on a bottle's neck though, it makes me go "what?" every time I read it. All I'm doing is criticising, don't listen to me.

    You don't have to imagine it. Beer bottle necks have labels.


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