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first date - go dutch?

  • 23-10-2008 8:22am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    hi guys
    wandering about peoples opinions on this
    on a first date - no matter where you go : cinema, out for a meal, drinks
    do guys prefer to pay? do girls prefer guys to pay? or would you prefer goin dutch?

    just that i was out on a date last nite and well the guy didnt offer to pay - considering he's in a well paid job like and i always offer to go dutch anyway but kinda expect the guy to say 'no here i'll get this' you know, and when he didnt it kinda made me think he's cheap....
    like i went out and got my hair done for the date - i consider that my half of the bargain ha ha (joke)


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Comments

  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    why would you expect the guy to pay? Just cos you got your hair done? the more important question is, why would you get your hair done for a date?

    how do you know how much money he earns? Do you know how much his mortgage is or his goings?

    I think in this day and age is it very disrespectful to expect one person to pay for your night out.


  • Registered Users Posts: 26,555 ✭✭✭✭Creamy Goodness


    what the hell is Dutch?

    Myself I at least offer to pay but normally ends up like mrs Doyle and mrs dineen when they went to the mainland.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,111 ✭✭✭tba


    if you suggest the date you should pay, then they can can a drink after.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    tba wrote: »
    if you suggest the date you should pay, then they can can a drink after.

    what:confused:


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    kinda expect the guy to say 'no here i'll get this' you know, and when he didnt it kinda made me think he's cheap....

    What exactly are your reasons for expecting him to pay?
    This is 2008, women are as capable of having their own money as men.
    I could turn that around and say that you are cheap for not coughing up your half no?
    IMO it's essential to always pay your own way in order to keep your pride and self respect intact.

    Only ladies of the night expect payment for their services...


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,375 ✭✭✭kmick


    Some people are just mean.

    On the other hand Chivalry is dead and its because feminism killed it. Men are wary opening a door or paying for a meal in case it is seen as some sort of throwback. The young lads are fine cause they know the rules but people like me who were brought up to be polite and gentlemanly are unsure.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭christeb


    He said: They can can a drink!

    OP as a guy I would normally offer, it is a bit strange that he didn't. Although it must be said I haven't been on a first date in quite a while :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,584 ✭✭✭c - 13


    If i asked a girl out on a date i'd pay it, I'd be pretty annoyed off if she didnt offer to pay her way though. You shouldnt expect him to pay for you automatically.

    Plus what he earns Vs what you earn has absolutely nothing to do with it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    I have to say I have always found it odd how some women pick and choose the times they want to be equal to men


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    well i know he has money because he told me what profession he is in and he doesnt have a mortgage or pay rent and his car is a company car
    well he asked me out
    i dunno i guess i like a guy who likes to treat a girl to a meal or a drink - there's nothing wrong with it
    i wouldnt be much of a feminist anyway - i mean i got my hair done for the date - my mistake i guess ha ha but i just wanted to look nice and figured he'd be the type to look after me for the evening

    anyway sure thats the whole idea of the thread just wanted to find out what people's opinions are


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  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,556 ✭✭✭✭Sir Digby Chicken Caesar


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    Only ladies of the night expect payment for their services...

    and bless them for that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,420 ✭✭✭JaneyMc


    hi guys
    wandering about peoples opinions on this
    on a first date - no matter where you go : cinema, out for a meal, drinks
    do guys prefer to pay? do girls prefer guys to pay? or would you prefer goin dutch?

    just that i was out on a date last nite and well the guy didnt offer to pay - considering he's in a well paid job like and i always offer to go dutch anyway but kinda expect the guy to say 'no here i'll get this' you know, and when he didnt it kinda made me think he's cheap....
    like i went out and got my hair done for the date - i consider that my half of the bargain ha ha (joke)


    I usually go dutch and if I don't I pay for the next time we go out. Very rarely do I let a guy pay for something and not return the favour. It's a bit sad and shallow that you consider him cheap because he didnt offer to pay for everything.
    The more important question is, why would you get your hair done for a date?

    Why is this more important? :confused: Fair enough she shouldnt expect him to pay for everything because of this but some people like to look nice for 1st dates?
    Cremo wrote: »
    what the hell is Dutch?

    Dutch = Halvesies.


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    well i know he has money because he told me what profession


    LOL, did you go on line and check what the pay rate for that profession was? taking into account his years of experience and age.

    Without sounding rude m'dear but you are appearing as a gold digger


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,247 ✭✭✭✭6th


    well i know he has money because he told me what profession he is in and he doesnt have a mortgage or pay rent and his car is a company car
    well he asked me out
    i dunno i guess i like a guy who likes to treat a girl to a meal or a drink - there's nothing wrong with it
    i wouldnt be much of a feminist anyway - i mean i got my hair done for the date - my mistake i guess ha ha but i just wanted to look nice and figured he'd be the type to look after me for the evening

    anyway sure thats the whole idea of the thread just wanted to find out what people's opinions are

    Personal question time (and obviously you dont have to answer but ...) did you put out?


  • Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    JaneyMc wrote: »

    Why is this more important? :confused: Fair enough she shouldnt expect him to pay for everything because of this but some people like to look nice for 1st dates?

    sorry this is obviously a concept i dont understand, i get my hair done for me not for anyone else, so i really dont understand how getting her hair done has any relavence to the question she asked


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    ye i guess it is wrong to call him cheap - it is a strong word, but not to offer to pay at all is not very 'gentlemanly' i guess? no? i've no problem paying for myself by the way....but i work in a company full of men and none of them would ever let their girlfriends pay for anything so i suppose their opinions grow on me


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    i dunno i guess i like a guy who likes to treat a girl to a meal or a drink

    In this day and age you do not have the right to expect that.
    You haven't answered my question btw: What exactly are your reasons for expecting him to pay?
    there's nothing wrong with it

    On may levels, there is a whole lot wrong with it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    6th wrote: »
    Personal question time (and obviously you dont have to answer but ...) did you put out?

    didnt you read - he didnt pay so no ha ha ha no it was a very classy first date :P


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    ye i guess it is wrong to call him cheap - it is a strong word, but not to offer to pay at all is not very 'gentlemanly' i guess? no?

    The Mr. Darcy types only existed in the last century...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,268 ✭✭✭mountainyman


    I would always offer to pay but I would expect the woman to pay half. If she didn't I would let her pick next time and if she picked somewhere she couldn't afford that I had to pay for I would break up with her.

    Lots of women expect the man to pay.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 17,247 ✭✭✭✭6th


    ye i guess it is wrong to call him cheap - it is a strong word, but not to offer to pay at all is not very 'gentlemanly' i guess? no? i've no problem paying for myself by the way....but i work in a company full of men and none of them would ever let their girlfriends pay for anything so i suppose their opinions grow on me

    Oh! So you're his girlfriend?

    You expected him to pay and he probably expected you to put out ..... neither of you got what you wanted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    Beruthiel wrote: »
    In this day and age you do not have the right to expect that.
    You haven't answered my question btw: What exactly are your reasons for expecting him to pay?



    On may levels, there is a whole lot wrong with it.

    my reasons are : its a first date , he's a guy and he asked me out :P

    i'm no golddigger...as i'm fairly well paid...but i like to be treated once in a while...
    obviously its not a biggie and i'll still go out with him cos he asked me out again and he is a lovely chap but i just wanted to know peoples opinions on the topic


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,774 ✭✭✭speedboatchase


    I'd offer to pay to appear a "gentleman" and its a first date but if she said ok and I did actually end up having to pay full whack then I'd wonder about going on that second date :cool:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    well this thread is an eye opener ha ha men eh :P


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    my reasons are : its a first date , he's a guy and he asked me out :P

    But that's not an actual valid reason.
    I'm just trying to get to the bottom of your way of thinking because I for one just don't understand why you have that expectation.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 67 ✭✭ruben


    He asked you out and you paid in total...he didn't offer to pay or go dutch?

    That's just patently bad manners in my book. Nothing to do with equality or feminism or anything else.

    The rules on these things are, I think pretty simple,
    1st date - he asks you out, you offer to go dutch, he refuses and pays in full.
    2nd date - the opposite. You pay.

    There ofter, go dutch.

    If you ask him out on the first date then you pay.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    well this thread is an eye opener ha ha women eh :P

    Fixed that for ya. :p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 375 ✭✭Curlypinkie


    Hm, a few valid posts. I don't want to agree or disagree with any, it is a very personal opinion.
    However, if I got asked out on a first date by a fella, I would expect him to pay. Yes, expect. Even if he's in a worse paid job (shock horror).
    It's just that I would not be impressed if I was expected to half everything. I would offer, obviously, but if that offer wasn't turned down, there wouldn't be a date after that.
    I am not a gold digger, I earn good money and I can afford to go out on my own. And if I ask the guy out in question I would offer to pay the lot.
    For some reason I agree with the OP. I turn up, look great for the date, he should take my jacket off, help me order wine off the menu, recommend a dish...
    I think I'm just really, really old fashioned that way. If a guy is not chevalier (spelling?) on the first date, chances are very slim he will buy me flowers, give me little pressies, shower me with attention etc. And trust me I LOVE to do those things to a fella as well, it's just something that can't be taught that late in life...
    Just from my experience ladies and gents!


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 6,376 Mod ✭✭✭✭Macha


    my reasons are : its a first date , he's a guy and he asked me out :P
    What does the fact that he's male have to do with it? We can't have our cake and eat it m'dear - go around demanding equality but oh, would you mind picking up the bill, ta.
    It was a first date for him too...
    Would you have paid for it in full if you had been the one to ask him - or do you expect the man to do the asking out?
    i'm no golddigger...as i'm fairly well paid...but i like to be treated once in a
    Maybe he likes to be treated once in a while as well.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 390 ✭✭idunnoutellme


    ruben wrote: »
    He asked you out and you paid in total...he didn't offer to pay or go dutch?

    That's just patently bad manners in my book. Nothing to do with equality or feminism or anything else.

    The rules on these things are, I think pretty simple,
    1st date - he asks you out, you offer to go dutch, he refuses and pays in full.
    2nd date - the opposite. You pay.

    There ofter, go dutch.

    If you ask him out on the first date then you pay.

    yep i like your way of thinkin :) but there was no offering of anything, we just paid halfsies.

    anyway from this thread i found out that men are afraid of paying on a first date in case the woman might find it offensive apparently (just a lame excuse on their part really but whatever) so i will never expect a guy to pay again


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