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Are the parents to blame?

  • 03-01-2013 2:03am
    #1
    skyfall2012
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭


    I know that abuse and trauma can cause depression in adults, but not everybody who suffers have had these experiences.

    Do you think that the origin of people' depression could be linked to the messages that parents send their kids, unwittingly e.g. they can be overly anxious about stuff (running, climbing, food) - which could be 'don't do that you aren't capable'.

    They way people were always so worried about what the neighbours and priests thought in the past, it almost over-ruled the happiness of their own family.

    Nowadays people often rare a child on their own and think they are doing fine, but ultimately the lack of a Dad/Mom has an effect that is not easy to link to depression.

    I know a guy who loved his parents and was devastated when they died (as elderly parents). He told me recently that he reckoned he suffered depression for 14 years and didn't know it until he came out of it.

    IMO his depression is linked to the heavy responsibility his mother put on him as a child and on her death bed she said to him and 'all I leave you is the responsibility'.


Comments

  • #2
    Max Power
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,072 ✭✭✭Max Power


    As if January wasn't miserable enough..


  • #3
    Tom_Cruise
    Closed Accounts Posts: 734 ✭✭✭Tom_Cruise


    Yes, they can be to blame.


  • #4
    Stained Class
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,808 ✭✭✭Stained Class


    Parents are often to blame alright.

    Some people who have kids really & I mean really shouldn't ever have children.


  • #5
    im invisible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,373 ✭✭✭im invisible


    always ...no, wait, it was never ...no, dont ever - oh, I forgot. Never mind. Whats your favourite humming noise?


  • #6
    skyfall2012
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭skyfall2012


    FionnMcCool87 wrote: »
    As if January wasn't miserable enough..

    I don't want to make you feel miserable. But I have kids and all I want for them is happiness, but I wonder could I be the cause of their unhappiness in the future without even knowing I am doing it, I have a few years to rectify it if my theory is right. But I am not sure what characteristics could be responsible. you might suggest misery:)


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  • #7
    nbar12
    Registered Users Posts: 1,381 ✭✭✭nbar12


    Are you the famous FionnMcCool87 or some imposter?


  • #8
    Max Power
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,072 ✭✭✭Max Power


    nbar12 wrote: »
    Are you the famous FionnMcCool87 or some imposter?
    Qué?


  • #9
    skyfall2012
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭skyfall2012


    OK. ignore my first question and answer this instead; Tell me about what was great about your parents?


  • #10
    Stained Class
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,808 ✭✭✭Stained Class


    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    OK. ignore my first question and answer this instead; Tell me about what was great about your parents?

    They created me.:cool:


  • #11
    Hippies!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 555 ✭✭✭Hippies!


    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    Nowadays people often rare a child on their own and think they are doing fine, but ultimately the lack of a Dad/Mom has an effect that is not easy to link to depression.

    Don't say that in front of gays who want to adopt. Their ideals are more important than nature itself :)


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  • #12
    Max Power
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,072 ✭✭✭Max Power


    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    OK. ignore my first question and answer this instead; Tell me about what was great about your parents?
    Neither of them were you. :pac:


  • #13
    Motivator
    Registered Users Posts: 2,739 ✭✭✭Motivator


    Yes I believe parents have a huge influence in terms of their children's emotional feelings/behaviour. My father has suffered very badly from depression for about 30 years & I was not aware of it until I sat both my parents down & opened up about my own problems. I suffer from depression, also quite badly, & having seen specialists I found out that basically I'm the same as my father 30 years ago. I was told that unless I somehow come out the other side of it in years to come I will essentially be a younger version of my father. We both suffer from anxiety, panic attacks etc. & as an only child I thought that I had a 50/50 chance of turning out like my mother who is a naturally happy person, however I was told that depression is a viciously genetic condition that will almost definitely be passed on to my children in the future.

    My fiancé knows of my problems & is terrific with me I have to admit, she has helped me a huge deal over the last couple of years. We have recently moved in to a new house & have set a date for our wedding. Instead of feeling happy & instead of looking ahead with positivity I've become increasingly worried over what the doctors have told me about depression being genetic. I'm now torn completely as I have always wanted children but I can safely say I would not want any child being born into a family where there is almost certain problems lying in wait for them. I haven't spoke to my fiancé or even my parents about my reservations when it comes to having children. But as a very emotional & sensitive person I can honestly say I'd rather not have children at all if it meant they will have depression as badly as mine or my fathers. Its an incredibly selfish & horrible thing to even think about but I have to face facts because I seriously don't think I could enjoy watching my child or children growing up thinking they are or could be going through the same things as I am or was. My fiancé is planning our future together & wants children, we both do, but I just don't think I would make a very good parent until I get this under control. I'm 31 now & have been suffering pretty badly for about 16 years, as yet I haven't found anything that can get me out the rut that I've been living in.


  • #14
    skyfall2012
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭skyfall2012


    I've become increasingly worried over what the doctors have told me about depression being genetic.

    I am not so sure if it so much about the genetics, because I have heard that CBT therapy is very effective for curing depression and this is more about reprogramming what has been programmed into the individual, by who - ME, your parents and the others.


  • #15
    Motivator
    Registered Users Posts: 2,739 ✭✭✭Motivator


    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    I am not so sure if it so much about the genetics, because I have heard that CBT therapy is very effective for curing depression and this is more about reprogramming what has been programmed into the individual, by who - ME, your parents and the others.

    This is very hard to do with a person of my father's age which is mid 60's, he's tried everything & it hasn't worked. He's resigned to the fact that he's going to die an unhappy person which is something I too am afraid of. I believe that this theory is flawed or perhaps will only work on young children as I don't believe I can be "reprogrammed". Maybe it will be successful if tried on young children but at 31 years old I don't think I could be programmed to forget the fact that I am an unhappy person.


  • #16
    Merch
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,327 ✭✭✭Merch


    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    I know that abuse and trauma can cause depression in adults, but not everybody who suffers have had these experiences.

    Do you think that the origin of people' depression could be linked to the messages that parents send their kids, unwittingly e.g. they can be overly anxious about stuff (running, climbing, food) - which could be 'don't do that you aren't capable'.

    They way people were always so worried about what the neighbours and priests thought in the past, it almost over-ruled the happiness of their own family.

    Nowadays people often rare a child on their own and think they are doing fine, but ultimately the lack of a Dad/Mom has an effect that is not easy to link to depression.

    I know a guy who loved his parents and was devastated when they died (as elderly parents). He told me recently that he reckoned he suffered depression for 14 years and didn't know it until he came out of it.

    IMO his depression is linked to the heavy responsibility his mother put on him as a child and on her death bed she said to him and 'all I leave you is the responsibility'.

    Yes
    Stained Class wrote: »
    Parents are often to blame alright.

    Some people who have kids really & I mean really shouldn't ever have children.

    True
    skyfall2012 wrote: »
    I don't want to make you feel miserable. But I have kids and all I want for them is happiness, but I wonder could I be the cause of their unhappiness in the future without even knowing I am doing it, I have a few years to rectify it if my theory is right. But I am not sure what characteristics could be responsible. you might suggest misery:)

    Im in a similar situation, reservations about my past and upbringing, dont want to pass it on to my child, all you can do is your best for them, point them towards doing things so they can find what makes them happy, set boundaries but allow them to enjoy themselves, dont over burden them with unnecessary responsibilities, but that they cant have everything they want but as much of what you can give them that they need, be around for them.
    Motivator wrote: »
    This is very hard to do with a person of my father's age which is mid 60's, he's tried everything & it hasn't worked. He's resigned to the fact that he's going to die an unhappy person which is something I too am afraid of. I believe that this theory is flawed or perhaps will only work on young children as I don't believe I can be "reprogrammed". Maybe it will be successful if tried on young children but at 31 years old I don't think I could be programmed to forget the fact that I am an unhappy person.

    Its easy to say but find something to do that you enjoy, some people are distracted from reality by what they like, it passes the time, gives enjoyment, find something you like that you can do. I'm over simplifying but, thats what Im doing.
    Life doesnt turn out as you might expect, mine certainly didn't.


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