Pure genius, how the church can pay for all the kiddy fiddling

Rabidlamb · 15-09-2011 9:20am #1

The church/state are liable for over €1 billion as reparation payments to the victims of abuse.
Church/State coffers are at an all time low and revenue streams are falling.

At the same time there's people like myself who were in the process of defecting from the catholic church (Count me out) when that avenue was closed.
Grant us our wish to formally defect but charge us an administration fee, this fee must be ring fenced for the victims fund.
Say 100,000 people wanted to have their baptismal records expunged, a €1,000 defection charge would generate €100 million for the fund.
Take this product worldwide & the liability to the state could be reduced to zero in time.

I thought of all this before my coffee this morning, excuse any gaping holes.

KTRIC · 15-09-2011 9:23am

Rabidlamb wrote: »

gaping holes.

Thats how this all started :pac:

FatherLen · 15-09-2011 9:23am

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised. so who in there right mind would pay 1000 to get rid of it

Guill · 15-09-2011 9:24am

excuse any gaping holes

As the priest said to the Alterboy.

Way too late, damn you KTRIC

mawk · 15-09-2011 9:25am

Thats great!

Have the people pay their debt for them!

Snakeblood · 15-09-2011 9:25am

FatherLen wrote: »

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised.

That does actually make a difference though. The church can go round saying 'we represent this many people and we feel strongly about this matter' to the government. It's a lot less of an impressive argument if they can only say 'we represent fewer people, and look, Fatherlen just left. It must have been something we said'

Rebel021 · 15-09-2011 9:26am

Really

coffee_cake · 15-09-2011 9:27am

i have a better idea

why don't catholics go back to paying their tithes. problem solved.

Kylo Ren · 15-09-2011 9:27am

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

Orando Broom · 15-09-2011 9:27am

Then as a bonus the Church should give you a gift of a new baptismal record, gratis, in recognition of your contribution to saving the institution of the Catholic Church.

Kudos to that man, gets the rest of us off the hook!!

BaZmO* · 15-09-2011 9:27am

Rabidlamb wrote: »

I thought of all this before my coffee this morning, excuse any gaping holes.

Probably should've waited until you had your coffee. Might have made you think more clearly.

pickarooney · 15-09-2011 9:35am

Keno 92 wrote: »

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

Just drop down a few levels of sophisitcation.

Rabidlamb · 15-09-2011 9:37am

Ok, I'm putting you early response bunch in the maybe pile.

jester77 · 15-09-2011 9:42am

Feck that, not paying to defect. I don't recall undersigning any agreement to be baptised, so I shall consider that document void.

Penn · 15-09-2011 9:43am

I'd rather remain as a member of the Catholic Church than willingly help them pay compensation for sexual abuse just so they would cross my name off their list

OneArt · 15-09-2011 9:43am

I don't see why I should pay a fee to get out of something I had no choice in joining in the first place. F*ck them.

Anyone got any good ideas on how to get excommunicated?

jester77 · 15-09-2011 9:45am

OneArt wrote: »

I don't see why I should pay a fee to get out of something I had no choice in joining in the first place. F*ck them.

Anyone got any good ideas on how to get excommunicated?

Fiddle a priest

Nulty · 15-09-2011 9:47am

Keno 92 wrote: »

I hate when you see an OP construct a sentence that can be used as ammunition in your comedic arsenal and then you scroll down to see other people have used it

If you're talking about the gaping holes gag, don't worry about it, it was very lame.

fitz0 · 15-09-2011 9:51am

So you want the people on their way out the door to pay for the higher ups f*cking about?

I haven't been to AH in a long time. With good reason it seems.

the_syco · 15-09-2011 10:04am

Rabidlamb wrote: »

Grant us our wish to formally defect but charge us an administration fee, this fee must be ring fenced for the victims fund.

I has a better idea: charge people to kneecap the kiddie fiddlers at €1,000 per knee...

Phill Ewinn · 15-09-2011 10:06am

No OP. No way should anyone pay for the criminal behavior of the church or state. Fvck 'em. Let the vatican deal with Fionnula and reach a deal between them.

There's a story going around about the amount of gold reserves the vatican has. If true €1bn is piddly amounts to them.

sbsquarepants · 15-09-2011 10:06am

Call me old fashioned, but i aint paying no thousand euro to leave some club i didn't join in the first place!

MetalDog · 15-09-2011 10:18am

They should be paying us to defect.

MagicSean · 15-09-2011 10:26am

Why would anyone pay? A baptismal cert is just a record of something that happened. Why would you get it expunged? Just do what I do. Don't go to mass and if someone asks then simply say you aren't catholic.

coolpaddy · 15-09-2011 1:05pm

Here's an actual solution - how about the Church hand over all the schools and land they have to the State. It's the least we deserve. Should go some way towards paying their debts to Irish society.The suggestion that we actually pay THEM to leave their house of sin is the most absurd thing I've heard in a long time.

15-09-2011 1:11pm

Rabidlamb wrote: »

excuse any gaping holes.

How about this:

Rabidlamb wrote: »

a €1,000 defection charge

What kind of twat would pay €1,000 to leave the church?

Wertz · 15-09-2011 1:14pm

I don't want to have much to do with the organised catholic church but I'll be f*cked if I'm handing over a grand to officially have it acknowledged by them regardless of what they do with the proceeds.
I said it before: sell the churches stuff out from under them and sue the vatican state to make up the shortfall.

krudler · 15-09-2011 1:15pm

what the fcuk? pay to have yourself removed for a corrupt organisation when you didnt ask to be part of it to begin with? if they just amended their ridiculous canon laws to allow people to freely leave then thats a start, paying for the privalege they can fook right off.

Pdfile · 15-09-2011 1:16pm

FatherLen wrote: »

this is pointless. i dont give a flying fuck if there is a piece of paper somewhere saying that i have been baptised. so who in there right mind would pay 1000 to get rid of it

muslims... they love trolling. :pac:

Billy86 · 15-09-2011 1:25pm

They can pay it off by selling land.

Simple.

RichieC · 15-09-2011 1:30pm

Whats not genius about having them shoulder the financial burden honestly?

Pure genius, how the church can pay for all the kiddy fiddling

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