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09-02-2014, 17:20   #16
Chattastrophe!
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Oh absolutely.

I can't even express how big a deal it is when my boyfriend gets home in the evenings and takes over for a couple of feeds. It's ridiculous.
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09-02-2014, 20:54   #17
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However, I don't really think that was the point of the link.
I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.
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09-02-2014, 21:04   #18
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I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.
Are we reading the same link?? I really don't think we are....
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09-02-2014, 21:12   #19
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Completely disregards that staying at home is a choice and a choice that is not available to a lot of parents.
I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally. I hear it a lot, "Oh, it must be nice to be able to get to stay home" "I wish I had the choice" I want to ram those words down their throats. Stay at home parents are often in the same boat as working parents, they cannot do the opposite due to financial restraints. I am at home because I have no job, I cannot find one and I cannot afford to take up low paying employment as childcare is too expensive. People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.
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09-02-2014, 21:25   #20
Sligo1
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Originally Posted by sillysmiles View Post
I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.
Just re-read the link there and completely disagree with your statement. But hey, boards is all about opinion. And IMO I still think the point of the post was that some people tend to look down on those parents who stay at home with their children, whether they stay at home by choice or by necessity. And I think he has a point. I think he's just trying to say that those people who Look down on those who stay at home or think stay at home parents do nothing all day need a reality check.

Perhaps we are not reading the link in the same context or perhaps we have just taken different things from it. Either way I stand by my opinion
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10-02-2014, 01:25   #21
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Being a stay at home mother is a very demanding and thankless job. Demanding as in it is literally 24/7, there aren't set tea/lunch breaks or a start/finish time.
Thankless from the perspective that nobody thanks you for having the baby fed/changed/dressed, no salary raise for good performance or meeting deadlines.
This is balanced by the sheer joy of seeing your child grow and develop and the happiness a parent can take of a growing bond with their child.
I have the utmost respect for parents that work in their home as a parent and believe that there should be a Government incentive for parents that choose to do so or do so as there isn't a choice due to circumstances.

My own personal circumstances dictate that I need to bring in a wage, I have lived on a minimal income to date so that I could spend the time at home with my child, but I cannot continue this due to financial reasons.

Last edited by dollybird2; 11-02-2014 at 16:37.
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10-02-2014, 08:43   #22
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Originally Posted by sillysmiles View Post
I disagree, the link seems to be saying that it is only ok to not be a stay at home mother if you either a) a single parent or b) materialistic.

To me that is not non-judgmental. That is not seeing that there are different options for different families and that all are equally valid.
I didn't get that at all from the link. My take on it was it was promoting yhe idea that stay at home parents aren't taking the easy way out and staying at home is difficult.

It's about time there was a discussion in the public domain on it imo
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10-02-2014, 11:13   #23
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People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.
This.

IMO there is so much guilt involved in every parenting decision made that a lot of people feel the need to put down the choices of others in order to justify their own choices.

My own MIL who is a medical professional tried to convince me that there is no health benefit to breastfeeding after 3months! Just because this was as long as she breastfed her kids for. Not that I'm saying that she should have been forced to bf for longer- that was how it worked for them and their family with her job and how she was comfortable parenting; it just happens to be different to the way that we parent and arrange our division of labour.

Why dafuq can't we all just relax and realise that every family is different and needs to work out how to arrange things so as to best suit ourselves and our lives. I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of women who would go nuts at home all day with little kids for company, and to force them into that role surely would be worse for the family as a whole. By the same token lots of families need to make decisions based on finances that aren't exactly what they want to do or what they might feel is best for their families well being at the time, but if it means they can have a roof over their heads or their kids go to college down the line then surely that's for the benefit of the family too.

After doing this for a few years I've finally learned to turn my back on guilt (with three little ones and one on the way you need to cut loose any non essential drain on your energy!) and stop feeling the need to defend my choices or to compare them to the choices of others.
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10-02-2014, 11:20   #24
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I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally. I hear it a lot, "Oh, it must be nice to be able to get to stay home" "I wish I had the choice" I want to ram those words down their throats. Stay at home parents are often in the same boat as working parents, they cannot do the opposite due to financial restraints. I am at home because I have no job, I cannot find one and I cannot afford to take up low paying employment as childcare is too expensive. People feel the need to rationalise their family situation way too much IMO. People are so bloody critical of one another, especially women these days.
Thank you for saying that! Since becoming a mother I have never been judged so much in my life and I absolutely hate it. The biggest offenders are women. We are completely critical of each other and I have to say it's the hardest thing I've come to terms with about coming a mother. One day I got that I looked very 'Mumsy' because I was dressed very casually. I'm quickly assessing who my real friends are.
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10-02-2014, 12:31   #25
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Do people who feel judged feel judged in real life or just in online discussions? I have to say I don't think I've ever felt especially judged in real life because of the way I parent. Maybe I have been but if I have it's never penetrated me. People have made stupid comments but I just let it roll off as in the next breath they tend to compliment my son, so I know that they're genuinely just passing on their perceived wisdom but they can't believe it deep down or they wouldn't think my son is so happy.
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10-02-2014, 13:12   #26
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Do people who feel judged feel judged in real life or just in online discussions? I have to say I don't think I've ever felt especially judged in real life because of the way I parent. Maybe I have been but if I have it's never penetrated me. People have made stupid comments but I just let it roll off as in the next breath they tend to compliment my son, so I know that they're genuinely just passing on their perceived wisdom but they can't believe it deep down or they wouldn't think my son is so happy.
I have had to defend myself both in the cyber world and in real life. I assume these people (mostly women) are unhappy in their lives, be it because of having to work and cannot stay home, or because of another perceived injustice, only people who are angry with themselves feel the need to put others down.

A lot of it is the cyber world, mainly because on sites like this, you are only pixels on a screen, you don't have to answer for your comments.

But in the real life, I find it odd, you get condescending looks and the "Oh, that's nice" from people, but then there are some truly odd people, such as the 50-70 year old women, who never worked after saying "I do". I get "Well it was different in my day, women work these days" followed by them giving out about kids being raised in creches And women who feel that being at home is "letting men dictate" the "men ruling and keeping us down" people.
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10-02-2014, 13:18   #27
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I find that assumption horrifically insulting personally.

It wasn't meant as an insult to anyone.
When people have kids (or before they have kids) they have to decide or at least have an idea about how child care is going to work out post maternity leave.
For some people one parent staying at home will be the best option for the family. For other families, both parents will work as that is the best option for their families.

These are decisions that will have to be made - whatever people decide is the best case situation for their family. There isn't a one size fits all nor a single solution that accounts for the multi-factorial aspect of family life.
The options regarding childcare are a choice or a decision that each family needs to make.

Last edited by sillysmiles; 10-02-2014 at 13:22.
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10-02-2014, 13:25   #28
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I liked the article. Staying at home with children is a hard job. I know I couldn't do it...I'm only working part time right now and honestly im not really any better off financially for it, but I find working necessary for my sanity! Kudos to any parent that dedicates themselves to staying at home! It can be extremely rewarding at times but its also relentless non stop. Babies don't getthe cconcept of a 5 minute break! I think more articles like this should be prevalent to try and dispel the notion that being at home is all fun and games!
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10-02-2014, 13:27   #29
sillysmiles
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This.



Why dafuq can't we all just relax and realise that every family is different and needs to work out how to arrange things so as to best suit ourselves and our lives. I love being a SAHM but I know plenty of women who would go nuts at home all day with little kids for company, and to force them into that role surely would be worse for the family as a whole. By the same token lots of families need to make decisions based on finances that aren't exactly what they want to do or what they might feel is best for their families well being at the time, but if it means they can have a roof over their heads or their kids go to college down the line then surely that's for the benefit of the family too.
Part in bold. This is the crux of what I was trying to say. There's isn't a global - it is best that all women work or all women stay at home. What is best is that people make the choice based on their families needs and situation.
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10-02-2014, 13:30   #30
wolfpawnat
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It wasn't meant as an insult to anyone.
When people have kids (or before they have kids) they have to decide or at least have an idea about how child care is going to work out post maternity leave.
For some people one parent staying at home will be the best option for the family. For other families, both parents will work as that is the best option for their families.

These are decisions that will have to be made - whatever people decide is the best case situation for their family. There isn't a one size fits all nor a single solution that accounts for the multi-factorial aspect of family life.
The options regarding childcare are a choice or a decision that each family needs to make.
I'm not directing the comment directly at you sillysmiles, it is more of a general statement Our decision on childcare was fairly swift, we were both in college. Can we afford it, no. So I sacrificed my degree as his had better employment prospects and higher income, so many people have to decide it.
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