[Bootup]

There once was a dentist named Stone
Who saw all his patients alone.
In a fit of depravity
He filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown!




There once was a fellow named Dave
Who dug up a whore from her grave
She was mouldy as sh*t
and missing a tit
But think of the money he saved.




There was a young lady named Hitchin
Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs, I suppose."
She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."



There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose thing was so long he could suck it.
He said, with a grin as he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a pussy, I'd F*ck it!"



A strange young fellow from Leeds
Rashly swallowed a package of seeds.
Great tufts of fine grass
Sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were covered with weeds.

[donegal_man]

There once was a rector from King’s
Whose mind was on heavenly things.
But his heart was on fire
For this boy in the choir
Whose arse was like jelly on springs

There was an old lady of Ypres
Who got shot in the ass by some snipers,
And when she blew air
Through the holes that were there,
She astonished the Cameron Pipers

From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar, “Good gracious
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the bishop has piles?”

A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along,
And unless I’m quite wrong
You expected this line to be rude.

[Bootup]

A newlywed couple from Goshen
spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In twenty-eight days
they screwed eighty ways -
Imagine such ****ing devotion!











There once was a couple named Kelly

Who walked around belly-to-belly.

It seems in their haste,

They used Carter's paste

Instead of petroleum jelly.









The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels,
Had discovered a dark place to hide.

[Bootup]

There once was a couple named Kelley,
Who lived their life belly to belly.
Because in their haste
They used Library Paste,
Instead of Petroleum Jelly.




There once was a chic named Nicole
Who loved to ingest a stiff pole
It was always well known
That she'd stuff steel, wood, or bone
Or maybe a tuba in that hole.




There once was a man named Brewster,
Who said to his wife as he goosed her,
That used to be grand,
But just look at my hand,
You’re not wiping as good as you used to!

[gammygils]

There once was a man from Bengal
Who had a hexagonal ball
The size of it's mate
Plus his penis plus 8
Was pi times the root of f*ck all



There once was a bloke from Brighton
Who said to his bird ''You're a tight 'un''
She said ''Bless my soul!''
''but you're in the wrong hole''
''There's plenty of room in the right 'un!!''

[Bootup]

There was a young lady of Worcester
Who complained that so many men goosed her.
So over her caper
She laid some sandpaper
Now they goose her much less than they used ter.








A steward who worked on a clipper
Was quite a bit of a nipper;
He plugged up his ass
With fragments of glass
And circumcised the skipper.

[dxhound2005]

In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Tickling the tits of his madam
He chuckled with mirth
For he knew on the earth
There were only two balls, and he had 'em.

[Bootup]

There once was a girl named Tristan
Whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in
She said "I don't think,"
As she spit out her drink,
"On the menu that this one was listed."




I had me a wench from East Broint
Who bade me her skin to anoint
The girl had arthritis
And so I decided
She wouldn't mind one more stiff joint.

[Bootup]

The was an old woman from Kent
Who went to a football event
She sat near the goal
And opened her hole
One guess as to where the ball went?



There once was a girl named McGill
Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And bits of her tits in Brazil






There was a young man from Brighton
Who thought he'd at last found a tight 'un.
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
Said she, "But you're not in the right 'un."

[Bootup]

Did you hear about young Henry Lockett?
He was blown down the street by a rocket.
The force of the blast
Blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.



There once was a fellow named Ben,
Who was aroused by the sheep in the pen,
Though he knew it's forbidden,
He was quite parasite ridden,
From trying it every now and then.







There was an old Count of Swoboda
Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
So with great savoir-faire
She stood on a chair,
And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.

[gammygils]

There was a young woman from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
After an hour
Her tits were in flower
And her fanny was covered in weeds.


There once was a woman from Ealing
Who had a peculiar feeling
She lay on her back
And opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling

[Bootup]

A young escape artist by the name of Sweeny.
His girl was a bit of a meany.
At the hatch of her snach.
She had a catch that would latch.
And she could only be F**ked by Houdini.





From a crypt in the church of St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles!!
"My goodness gracious!"
Said brother Ignatius.
"I forgot that your lordship has piles."

[Bootup]

When I was a boy of just ten,
I picked up some paper and pen,
And I drew you know what,
'Twas a girl with no twat,
'Cause I still hadn't seen one back then.




There was a young butcher named Seaver,
Whose gal craved a clean shaven beaver.
He would soap up her crotch,
With a mirror she'd watch,
As he shaved her blond pube with his cleaver.

[Bootup]

A cannibal's not very tall,
But he'll eat a man's hair, bones and all.
As the chief ate his stew,
Said, "Don't know about you,
But for me... I'm just having a ball."





Two cannibals sat down to dine
When one to the other did whine,
"My mother-in'law
Is tasteless and blah."
The other said, "Try some of mine."





Once a young and devout holy roller,
Had a boy friend attempt to console her.
She'd gone down on his cock,
That was hard as a rock...
Chipped a tooth, plus she knocked out a molar.





Of the alphabet, you see,
I've learned quite a lot.
She'll hum like a bee
And hit a high C
When my organ locates her G-Spot.

[gammygils]

There once was a copper from Kilmunchin

Whose todger was chopped off in a dungeon

He spent the rest of his life

Pleasuring his wife

With snot on the end of his truncheon.