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pychofairy · 10-08-2012, 12:33

Yeah this is the line I took to try and calm my wife. As far as I'm concerned, I was married by a priest in front of God, my friends and family. The rest is clerical and i think you are right, we will just have to grin and bear it. What is annoying is that my best man has emigrated since and so has her bridesmaid.We will need two different witnesses. I don't think we will say a word to anyone as it would only ultimately take from our day if people knew.

dahamsta · 10-08-2012, 12:36

I don't understand why this would cause devastation. If ye enjoyed your day and ye love each other, just get on with fixing up this minor issue, get on with your lives, and forget about it. It's hardly the end of the world, and ye get an extra anniversary to celebrate.

goldenhoarde · 10-08-2012, 12:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by pychofairy

Yeah this is the line I took to try and calm my wife. As far as I'm concerned, I was married by a priest in front of God, my friends and family. The rest is clerical and i think you are right, we will just have to grin and bear it. What is annoying is that my best man has emigrated since and so has her bridesmaid.We will need two different witnesses. I don't think we will say a word to anyone as it would only ultimately take from our day if people knew.

Its a witness and even if its not the same people do we ever go around showing off the wedding cert which is about the only place that shows it.

Married six years now and never shown it to anyone. as some said it will make for a great story in later years!!

A good friend for each or your parents would be my suggestion

Murky Waters · 10-08-2012, 13:15

I may be wrong but it sounds as if the priest who performed the ceremony was either a relative or a family friend, & is probably highly embarrassed over this even though it wasn't his fault.

If that's the case if I were you I'd just push the Bishop of the diocese where the marriage took place to arrange an intimate ceremony that would be legal in the eyes of both church & state at no cost to yourselves.

Make sure that you deal directly with the Bishop, or at least his secretary, & not someone working in the local parish office, who could be feeding you with incorrect information & not be in a position to arrange alternative or agreeable arrangements.

07734 · 10-08-2012, 13:21

i think it's kinda funny, and in a few years you'll look back and laugh.

eyescreamcone · 10-08-2012, 15:48

Do you have to give the HSE three months notice again???

lazygal · 10-08-2012, 17:44

The three month notice period can be waived for exceptional circumstances, such as an illness, one party leaving to serve overseas etc. I think you might well be able to get this sorted very quickly, the legal ceremony takes all of five minutes and anyone over 18 can be a witness, you could have total strangers if you didn't want anyone to know.

ResearchWill · 10-08-2012, 18:48

Quote:

Originally Posted by lazygal

The three month notice period can be waived for exceptional circumstances, such as an illness, one party leaving to serve overseas etc. I think you might well be able to get this sorted very quickly, the legal ceremony takes all of five minutes and anyone over 18 can be a witness, you could have total strangers if you didn't want anyone to know.

I don't think the 3 months will be required, but if it is then can only be waived by a Judge.

*MadsL* · 10-08-2012, 18:58

Sorry, but "take from your day"? The ratification of the State's recognition of your marriage was missing, that's all. It's paperwork. If that somehow diminishes the marriage in your eyes, I don't know what to tell you. I can't believe you would even think of suing in this circumstance - maybe if you had to rework other legal documents but for "taking away from your day" - I think your wife needs to get over herself, sounds like a bridezilla after the fact.

I recently bought a house, we went out for dinner to celebrate. We got a phonecall the next day to say there was a mistake in the closing papers and we had to sign them again. That didn't 'diminish' our view of clinking champagne glasses to celebrate the new house, or cause us heartburn at the thought of not actually owning the house when we celebrated.

Sleepy · 10-08-2012, 20:57

I'd be of the other opinion: they were told they were married when they weren't. At the very least, I'd be suing the person responsible for the foregone tax benefits.

MadsL, how do you know this didn't severely upset the OP's other half? What if they were practising (rather than cultural or a-la-carte) Catholics and have now been informed that what they thought was the consummation of their marriage was, in fact, fornication in the eyes of their Church?

Being told your marriage is null and void is an understandable thing to be upset about imo and it seems a little heartless to be suggest the OP's other half is being a Bridezilla.

lazygal · 10-08-2012, 22:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleepy

I'd be of the other opinion: they were told they were married when they weren't. At the very least, I'd be suing the person responsible for the foregone tax benefits.

MadsL, how do you know this didn't severely upset the OP's other half? What if they were practising (rather than cultural or a-la-carte) Catholics and have now been informed that what they thought was the consummation of their marriage was, in fact, fornication in the eyes of their Church?

Being told your marriage is null and void is an understandable thing to be upset about imo and it seems a little heartless to be suggest the OP's other half is being a Bridezilla.

But in the eyes of the church they are married. In the strictly Catholic sacramental sense, the couple marry each other, the priest is just there to make sure the sacrament is performed properly. So if its a purely religious marriage, they are married in the eyes of God and their faith. The sacrament is separate from the civil bit in a church wedding.

Sleepy · 11-08-2012, 01:28

The OP specifically said that they've been told that the church don't recognise their marriage...

*MadsL* · 11-08-2012, 02:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleepy

I'd be of the other opinion: they were told they were married when they weren't. At the very least, I'd be suing the person responsible for the foregone tax benefits.

Seriously? Come on, it would cost more for your first hour of legal advice than the couple of weeks tax difference.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleepy

MadsL, how do you know this didn't severely upset the OP's other half? What if they were practising (rather than cultural or a-la-carte) Catholics and have now been informed that what they thought was the consummation of their marriage was, in fact, fornication in the eyes of their Church?

Being told your marriage is null and void is an understandable thing to be upset about imo and it seems a little heartless to be suggest the OP's other half is being a Bridezilla.

How about I withdraw that remark it if she was 'saving herself', over you OP

Sleepy · 11-08-2012, 10:53

Quote:

Originally Posted by MadsL

Seriously? Come on, it would cost more for your first hour of legal advice than the couple of weeks tax difference.

Which is why one usually also sues for expenses.

Quote:

How about I withdraw that remark it if she was 'saving herself', over you OP

To be fair, I took the extreme example however, it's still going to be distressing for most newly wed women to be told that they aren't, in fact, married.

When that distress is caused by the incompetence of someone working on behalf of an organisation, that organisation is responsible to compensate the person who's suffered through their actions. In this case, I'd be thinking along the lines of the cost of a nice honeymoon.

dahamsta · 11-08-2012, 12:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sleepy

To be fair, I took the extreme example however, it's still going to be distressing for most newly wed women to be told that they aren't, in fact, married.

My wife would have laughed her ass off.

Did someone turn on the time machine? Have we gone back to the Fifties?

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10-08-2012, 12:33	#16
pychofairy Registered User Join Date: Mar 2009 Posts: 69 Adverts \| Friends	Yeah this is the line I took to try and calm my wife. As far as I'm concerned, I was married by a priest in front of God, my friends and family. The rest is clerical and i think you are right, we will just have to grin and bear it. What is annoying is that my best man has emigrated since and so has her bridesmaid.We will need two different witnesses. I don't think we will say a word to anyone as it would only ultimately take from our day if people knew.

10-08-2012, 12:36	#17
dahamsta Banned Join Date: Oct 2000 Location: The Internet Posts: 16,324 Adverts \| Friends	I don't understand why this would cause devastation. If ye enjoyed your day and ye love each other, just get on with fixing up this minor issue, get on with your lives, and forget about it. It's hardly the end of the world, and ye get an extra anniversary to celebrate.

10-08-2012, 13:15	#19
Murky Waters Closed Account Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 41 Adverts \| Friends	I may be wrong but it sounds as if the priest who performed the ceremony was either a relative or a family friend, & is probably highly embarrassed over this even though it wasn't his fault. If that's the case if I were you I'd just push the Bishop of the diocese where the marriage took place to arrange an intimate ceremony that would be legal in the eyes of both church & state at no cost to yourselves. Make sure that you deal directly with the Bishop, or at least his secretary, & not someone working in the local parish office, who could be feeding you with incorrect information & not be in a position to arrange alternative or agreeable arrangements.

10-08-2012, 13:21	#20
07734 Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 193 Adverts \| Friends	i think it's kinda funny, and in a few years you'll look back and laugh.

10-08-2012, 15:48	#21
eyescreamcone Registered User Join Date: Jul 2010 Posts: 1,354 Adverts \| Friends	Do you have to give the HSE three months notice again???

10-08-2012, 17:44	#22
lazygal Registered User Join Date: Aug 2009 Posts: 2,826 Adverts \| Friends	The three month notice period can be waived for exceptional circumstances, such as an illness, one party leaving to serve overseas etc. I think you might well be able to get this sorted very quickly, the legal ceremony takes all of five minutes and anyone over 18 can be a witness, you could have total strangers if you didn't want anyone to know.

10-08-2012, 18:58	#24
MadsL Exiled Join Date: Feb 2003 Location: 570 miles from Vegas that way, 123 miles that way! Posts: 10,141 Adverts \| Friends	Sorry, but "take from your day"? The ratification of the State's recognition of your marriage was missing, that's all. It's paperwork. If that somehow diminishes the marriage in your eyes, I don't know what to tell you. I can't believe you would even think of suing in this circumstance - maybe if you had to rework other legal documents but for "taking away from your day" - I think your wife needs to get over herself, sounds like a bridezilla after the fact. I recently bought a house, we went out for dinner to celebrate. We got a phonecall the next day to say there was a mistake in the closing papers and we had to sign them again. That didn't 'diminish' our view of clinking champagne glasses to celebrate the new house, or cause us heartburn at the thought of not actually owning the house when we celebrated.

10-08-2012, 20:57	#25
Sleepy Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Clontarf, Dublin 3 Posts: 15,891 Adverts \| Friends	I'd be of the other opinion: they were told they were married when they weren't. At the very least, I'd be suing the person responsible for the foregone tax benefits. MadsL, how do you know this didn't severely upset the OP's other half? What if they were practising (rather than cultural or a-la-carte) Catholics and have now been informed that what they thought was the consummation of their marriage was, in fact, fornication in the eyes of their Church? Being told your marriage is null and void is an understandable thing to be upset about imo and it seems a little heartless to be suggest the OP's other half is being a Bridezilla.

11-08-2012, 01:28	#27
Sleepy Registered User Join Date: May 2003 Location: Clontarf, Dublin 3 Posts: 15,891 Adverts \| Friends	The OP specifically said that they've been told that the church don't recognise their marriage...