First of all, I'm surprised someone caught on to my name!
Secondly, as I said, I am out to some of my close friends. I got it off my chest and it has been a release, but I don't feel the need to tell anyone else. I don't see why I should have to tell anyone actually. Maybe if a conversation actually lead to that situation I might tell them, but just to say it for no reason?
I caught onto it straight away. I'm a fluent Irish speaker.
Well that's fine you don't have to tell more people because it's your decision but I'm surprised you're still so reserved about being gay and trying to hide it. If you were truely comfortable with it you would be more free to do what you wanted without any reservations. But I can see you are not.
Well again, I am out to friends. What I'm worried about is certain people finding out. If you have the mentality that "oh it doesn't matter who knows as long as you're happy" that's bull****. Especially with regards to work. If someone in work found out I was gay, others could find out. Maybe my boss is a homophobe and I'd miss a promotion, or worse, fired. That's a realistic fear and not something that should be risked just for a night out in The George.
So what's bull****? What the **** do you want? You want to be closeted because you can't face the reactions that are mostly in your head? I understand you want to be carefull at work but you're not the first gay guy to ever work somewhere. So you shouldn't let that be a factor in influencing what you do in your personal life. F
uck sake, my sister works in an office full of gay men. Some camp, some masculine. It's not a big deal and I've grown to understand that, how come in your years you haven't learned to do the same?
You love to think about the "what ifs" and the fear of doing anything.
Your boss can't discriminate against you and you aren't the only gay guy where you work so it's not as if it's going to be a massive event where you get fired, unless you work at a church.
Sorry to break what special thing you had going where you thought you were the only one.
And once I'm fully out should I hide that from my employer too just because it might be taken badly? No. I have too much self respect for that. Being gay isn't some flaw to be hidden, and over the last year, I've come to realise that.
And I'm not saying go to a gay bar. You seem to think that's where we all love to go once we've come out and that's where you have to be. Go to a straight bar and meet guys. If you're there with your 'out' friends they'll point you to a gay friend of theirs or be your wing man and take the pressure off you. It's what the majority of straight lads do because women came be very intimidating. And it's an absolute laugh to go on the pull with your mates and have each others backs.
Well thats just putting words in my mouth. When did I ever say that I had it worse than others?
You said you were 'the only one' and that you're afraid you'll wind up alone and I wouldn't understand anything because I see the world as 'rainbows and sunshine' while you have it tough in the real world with all your worries that I'm without.
How much clearer do I have to be? You're playing the victim and it's your own fault for locking yourself away from these experiences because of your fear and misplaced stereotypes and assumptions. But it's alright because you justify it because only camp flamers do those things. Which you strongly protest you're not and think the majority of guys are. You're wrong.
I think the real problem is that I don't know anyone like me. Lets say I know one hundred or so guys personally around my age. Not one of them that I know is a "straight-acting" gay guy. A guy like me. Is it that 99% of straight acting guys stay in the closet? What's the deal? I know people tell me online that they are not camp and out, but I just find it all hard to belive to be honest.
And how would you know?you've never been out on the scene to call those shots and come up with that figure! You haven't seen gay guys at a straight club because you haven't looked or noticed them because they look like normal guys and you're too afraid to go find out. Likewise, you never went to a gay club to see normal guys there either.
You're in no position to make assumptions if you haven't even entered the 'real world' as you say. Websites are not reality so I would stop making statements like that purely based on them alone.
The majority of gay guys I meet are straight acting and masculine. I notice them because I go out and find them. If all you did was step back and look in, all you would see is camp men because they stick out and are noticeable whereas the normal guys are just that - normal, so we blend into the straight guys. Btw I have never been with a camp guy ever. All very masculine. That 99% in closet figure is in your head because the masculine guys make up the majority by far. If you got out there you'd realise it pretty quickly.
And even on those websites it is predominantly masculine guys that I see and when messaging back and forth, I know damn well that they are masculine and not camp. It's really obvious in their humour and wording but I think you're just so against anything remotely camp, that any little thing that doesn't suit you scares you off. That or you don't have a good judge of character.
If you're using blank profiles on these sites no normal guy will give you the light of day. I wouldn't and lots of guys like me wouldn't either. Even on the websites you're limiting your options.
Honestly man, you claim to want straight acting guys yet you don't sound all that much like it to me if all you do is whine, complain and stay shrouded in fear from the repercussions of it all. You're a man, grow a pair of balls and get about being open about yourself and out there on the scene, otherwise stop complaining if you can't find a guy. I wouldn't want someone who was so afraid of being outed. Fair enough you're out to friends, but you haven't done anything substantial with it when you have the support.
There's little to lose and a lot to gain. All those fears aren't real. They never are. Every single guy that comes out makes mountains out of molehills with this, me included, so it won't be as bad as you think, far from it. I think you just need to give yourself a fair shot at finding a guy and be fulfilled by that without any limits getting in the way.
I don't know why this has turned into a conversation about me coming out when I am out to friends. It has certainly strayed off-topic.
Well what do you want? You're just telling us you can't find any guys like you when you haven't looked away from your computer screen to find them.
If you're going to ignore the advice and valid points of the guys here and not take anything way from it, then what the hell do you want from us?
I have my own experience and these guys have theirs in abundance so why not listen up and take it onboard. You know I was a lot like you not so long ago but I'm learning fast and becoming more comfortable with it all so it's slow but steady progress in the right direction.
You call me a kid but between the two of us, who is the one learning, setting the fear aside and going out to experience this with an open mind? It's me, the kid.
It's you that's the basis of your problem and once you sort out our deluded mindset and warped assumptions about the "gay scene" then you'll find that guy no bother. I know I'm coming down on you hard but I just don't get what you want if you're not going to listen to what these guys are saying and not put yourself out there for your own good. Whatever you had to lose wasn't yours to own in the first place. It's not going to be an easy thing to accept or hear but it's true. You'll always get support and reasurance if you ask for it so you'll never have to worry about that man.
At the end of the day all you have is yourself and if you deny yourself all of that, you've only ever lived a half life and for what and for who, if you never found the guy to settle down with