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dc12345 · 12-07-2012, 18:23

Just want an opinion on this..
I was recently seeing a girl who was 24..
She asked how many partners I had been with. So we chatted about it and she then told me her number. It was 8 same as mine and I couldnt help think it was quite high for a girl of this age.. in the end it bothered me so much I couldnt get over it and stopped seeing her.
Now I dont think she is a slut and only one of her partners was a ons but the jealous part of me said it was too much. I now a few weeks later am unsure about this and am not sure if im old fashioned? Its not a question that popped up before with other partners. I have to stress she is a stunning looking girl and im sure had a lot of offers. Other than this bothering me I would have wanted us to get more serious.
5 of these were proper boyfreinds as well and this also seemed like a lot of b/f's..
So was I in the wrong guys or would most guys agree with me?

LottieP25 · 12-07-2012, 18:45

I don't see what the deal is, especially since you have had the same number of partners in the past.

If you can't handler the truth , don't ask in the 1st place..

**Panthro** · 12-07-2012, 18:59

Might be better suited in this forum
Moved from TGC

shellyboo · 12-07-2012, 19:04

So, let's say she lost her virginity at age 18. That's 8 partners in 6 years, or 1.5 per year. I really don't see how that could possibly be considered a lot, never mind too many! And the fact that it's the same number of partners as you really gives me red flags about your attitude towards women, tbh. Why is it ok for you but not for her?!

If it makes you feel weird, you were right to end it rather than end up resenting her -- but I'd definitely say it's an attitude you should try to work on. How many partners someone has had in the past has no bearing on your relationship whatsoever!

Esoteric_ · 12-07-2012, 20:05

If you weren't entirely happy about it, then you did the right thing in ending it.

I find that the opposite can happen too. My last boyfriend and I got on the topic of how many people we'd slept with. When he told me his number (we're both 23 btw), I told him mine. He did not believe that I'd 'only' slept with 3 people before him. He assumed that at my age, I'd have had plenty of boyfriends (I have, just not all involved sex!) and that I'd have slept around. It was a little insulting, to tell the truth!

The point I'm trying to make is, past partners really don't matter. For some people, my having slept with 4 people will be way too many, for others it'll be too little and I won't be experienced enough.

The fact of the matter is, 8 people at the age of 24 really isn't an awful lot. If it's something you don't like or can't handle then that's fair enough. People have different ideas of what they do or don't find acceptable in a partner.
The problem in your situation is that the older you get, the more experienced the women you date will get. You're going to have to find someone who hasn't slept with a lot of people, if that's what you want, or learn to accept that having a sex life isn't wrong. I don't do one night stands, but I think 'fair play' to anyone who does. It took me a while to learn not to judge people on their sexual exploits. You're not going to ever be 100% satisfied with a sexual partner unless you come to terms with the fact that women and men both sleep around. It's not a bad thing and I understand if it's not for you, but a lot of women in their 20s have slept with several people, so you'll be hard pressed to find one less experienced IMO.

username123 · 12-07-2012, 20:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by dc12345

It was 8 same as mine and I couldnt help think it was quite high for a girl of this age.. in the end it bothered me so much I couldnt get over it and stopped seeing her.

But its not too many for you? These kinds of double standards just show immaturity about sexuality and sexual relationships.

Why is it ok for you to have had 8 partners but not her?

As already stated, if you cant handle the truth dont ask the question.

And maybe grow up a bit, sex is a normal healthy human activity, so long as someone is practising safe sex then whats with the moralising?

dellas1979 · 12-07-2012, 20:40

Well, what age are you having had 8 partners? Is it an age thing for you, or the fact she has slept with anyone at all?

dc12345 · 13-07-2012, 20:50

According to a poll on this site I seen ladies are with a lot less partners though. I read that the average before marriage was like 7. I didnt bring it up btw she did. Its not something I even considered before to be honest. Dont think it will come up again. Il just avoid it from now on!! I dont think she is a slut or anything and it was me that was the eight partner.
I think I may have been too judgemental. It really isnt alot.

dellas1979 · 13-07-2012, 20:54

Out of pure interest, what age are you OP?

theg81der · 14-07-2012, 19:12

Yes I think your being very old fashioned and extremely unfair on this girl. Wouldn`t like to tell you my number its a good bit above 8 - would I go in the 'slut' category for you. Thank God all men are not like this, my husband being one!

nadey · 14-07-2012, 22:50

i'd have to agree with the OP i think 8 is a bit much for a girl only of 24

if you really liked her then i dont see how it would matter how many she's been with

368100 · 14-07-2012, 22:54

I think you're being a bit overboard. Everyone has their past but even saying that I don't see having 8 partners at 24 as too much. Go and see if she'll take you back if you're lucky she will.

Friends · 15-07-2012, 14:05

Point:

The idea that men have more partners on average than women is a bit of a crock.

In surveys it has been noticed that men report higher numbers, women report lower.

But It's not really possible for their to be a huge difference in averages, because the ratio of men to women is too close to 1:1. And of course for every man having sex, there must be a woman having sex also (assuming that homosexuals are excluded, for now, because we are talking about the habits of straight people.)

If men have more partners then there are only a few possible explanations:
Women have the same number of partners on average and are underreporting it (Or the reverse: Men are overreporting)
or
there is a small number of women with huge numbers, who will skew the average of women back to being the same as the male average (Girl in OP cannot be one of these, we're talking seriously huge numbers. Literally hundreds.)
or
straight men have loads of gay sex.

Now I've had a lot of success with the opposite gender. My overall number skews low because I've had a string of longterm relationships, punctuated with the odd casual encounter, but I've never gone more than a few months without sex.

Not everyone is going to be as successful as me, so I think a rate of up to one every few months is 'fine'. For the OP, lets say 1 every six months. Seems very reasonable(I.e. an outlandishly long time to go without) to me. A 24 year old could potentially by this metric have had 14 partners. That the girl in the OP had less shows me she's either been celibate for long periods OR (And in the modern world, more likely) she's been in a few relationships of meaningful length.

So I think the OP is in the wrong on this one.

username123 · 15-07-2012, 19:28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justthisguyyouknow

So I think the OP is in the wrong on this one.

Well so do I, but not because of any funky playing around with numbers but for assigning some kind of weird morality to sex. Sex is a normal healthy activity that is not 'bad' or 'wrong' or 'immoral'. Its just sex!! Its fun, and so long as the people are consenting adults who are not in other relationships and all parties are practising safe indulgence - then who cares if the number is 1, 10, 20 or 100!!!

**Ickle Magoo** · 16-07-2012, 02:04

Quote:

Originally Posted by dc12345

According to a poll on this site I seen ladies are with a lot less partners though. I read that the average before marriage was like 7. I didnt bring it up btw she did. Its not something I even considered before to be honest. Dont think it will come up again. Il just avoid it from now on!! I dont think she is a slut or anything and it was me that was the eight partner.
I think I may have been too judgemental. It really isnt alot.

Okay OP - as you seem to have found resolution and haven't been back to the thread, I'll lock this as it's just rumbling on.

If you want it re-opened, give one of the PI mods a shout.

12-07-2012, 18:23	#1
dc12345 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	Opinions Just want an opinion on this.. I was recently seeing a girl who was 24.. She asked how many partners I had been with. So we chatted about it and she then told me her number. It was 8 same as mine and I couldnt help think it was quite high for a girl of this age.. in the end it bothered me so much I couldnt get over it and stopped seeing her. Now I dont think she is a slut and only one of her partners was a ons but the jealous part of me said it was too much. I now a few weeks later am unsure about this and am not sure if im old fashioned? Its not a question that popped up before with other partners. I have to stress she is a stunning looking girl and im sure had a lot of offers. Other than this bothering me I would have wanted us to get more serious. 5 of these were proper boyfreinds as well and this also seemed like a lot of b/f's.. So was I in the wrong guys or would most guys agree with me?

12-07-2012, 18:45	#2
LottieP25 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 140 Adverts \| Friends	I don't see what the deal is, especially since you have had the same number of partners in the past. If you can't handler the truth , don't ask in the 1st place..

12-07-2012, 18:59	#3
Panthro Andy O'Brien is God Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Vancouver Posts: 7,533 Adverts \| Friends Mod: Canada, The Gentlemen's Club	Might be better suited in this forum Moved from TGC

12-07-2012, 19:04	#4
shellyboo Registered User Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 7,947 Adverts \| Friends	So, let's say she lost her virginity at age 18. That's 8 partners in 6 years, or 1.5 per year. I really don't see how that could possibly be considered a lot, never mind too many! And the fact that it's the same number of partners as you really gives me red flags about your attitude towards women, tbh. Why is it ok for you but not for her?! If it makes you feel weird, you were right to end it rather than end up resenting her -- but I'd definitely say it's an attitude you should try to work on. How many partners someone has had in the past has no bearing on your relationship whatsoever!

12-07-2012, 20:05	#5
Esoteric_ Hosted Moderator Join Date: Jun 2010 Posts: 6,591 Adverts \| Friends HMod: ODG	If you weren't entirely happy about it, then you did the right thing in ending it. I find that the opposite can happen too. My last boyfriend and I got on the topic of how many people we'd slept with. When he told me his number (we're both 23 btw), I told him mine. He did not believe that I'd 'only' slept with 3 people before him. He assumed that at my age, I'd have had plenty of boyfriends (I have, just not all involved sex!) and that I'd have slept around. It was a little insulting, to tell the truth! The point I'm trying to make is, past partners really don't matter. For some people, my having slept with 4 people will be way too many, for others it'll be too little and I won't be experienced enough. The fact of the matter is, 8 people at the age of 24 really isn't an awful lot. If it's something you don't like or can't handle then that's fair enough. People have different ideas of what they do or don't find acceptable in a partner. The problem in your situation is that the older you get, the more experienced the women you date will get. You're going to have to find someone who hasn't slept with a lot of people, if that's what you want, or learn to accept that having a sex life isn't wrong. I don't do one night stands, but I think 'fair play' to anyone who does. It took me a while to learn not to judge people on their sexual exploits. You're not going to ever be 100% satisfied with a sexual partner unless you come to terms with the fact that women and men both sleep around. It's not a bad thing and I understand if it's not for you, but a lot of women in their 20s have slept with several people, so you'll be hard pressed to find one less experienced IMO.

12-07-2012, 20:40	#7
dellas1979 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 2,626 Adverts \| Friends	Well, what age are you having had 8 partners? Is it an age thing for you, or the fact she has slept with anyone at all?

13-07-2012, 20:50	#8
dc12345 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 2 Adverts \| Friends	According to a poll on this site I seen ladies are with a lot less partners though. I read that the average before marriage was like 7. I didnt bring it up btw she did. Its not something I even considered before to be honest. Dont think it will come up again. Il just avoid it from now on!! I dont think she is a slut or anything and it was me that was the eight partner. I think I may have been too judgemental. It really isnt alot.

13-07-2012, 20:54	#9
dellas1979 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2005 Posts: 2,626 Adverts \| Friends	Out of pure interest, what age are you OP?

14-07-2012, 19:12	#10
theg81der Registered User Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Babyland! Posts: 1,618 Adverts \| Friends	Yes I think your being very old fashioned and extremely unfair on this girl. Wouldn`t like to tell you my number its a good bit above 8 - would I go in the 'slut' category for you. Thank God all men are not like this, my husband being one!

14-07-2012, 22:50	#11
nadey Registered User Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 254 Adverts \| Friends	i'd have to agree with the OP i think 8 is a bit much for a girl only of 24 if you really liked her then i dont see how it would matter how many she's been with

14-07-2012, 22:54	#12
368100 Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 25 Adverts \| Friends	I think you're being a bit overboard. Everyone has their past but even saying that I don't see having 8 partners at 24 as too much. Go and see if she'll take you back if you're lucky she will.

15-07-2012, 14:05	#13
Justthisguyyouknow Guest Posts: n/a Adverts \| Friends	Point: The idea that men have more partners on average than women is a bit of a crock. In surveys it has been noticed that men report higher numbers, women report lower. But It's not really possible for their to be a huge difference in averages, because the ratio of men to women is too close to 1:1. And of course for every man having sex, there must be a woman having sex also (assuming that homosexuals are excluded, for now, because we are talking about the habits of straight people.) If men have more partners then there are only a few possible explanations: Women have the same number of partners on average and are underreporting it (Or the reverse: Men are overreporting) or there is a small number of women with huge numbers, who will skew the average of women back to being the same as the male average (Girl in OP cannot be one of these, we're talking seriously huge numbers. Literally hundreds.) or straight men have loads of gay sex. Now I've had a lot of success with the opposite gender. My overall number skews low because I've had a string of longterm relationships, punctuated with the odd casual encounter, but I've never gone more than a few months without sex. Not everyone is going to be as successful as me, so I think a rate of up to one every few months is 'fine'. For the OP, lets say 1 every six months. Seems very reasonable(I.e. an outlandishly long time to go without) to me. A 24 year old could potentially by this metric have had 14 partners. That the girl in the OP had less shows me she's either been celibate for long periods OR (And in the modern world, more likely) she's been in a few relationships of meaningful length. So I think the OP is in the wrong on this one.