[mango salsa]

Originally Posted by ldil

When I shut myself away from media, ie, the TV, the Internet, The Radio, The Press, The magazines etc etc and I can think for myself, I really question my urges!

My grand father spent his whole life behind the scenes working in Radio and Television and he always thought us that TV was bad for us. In fact, In our home, we did not have a TV or any form of media (or any of my aunts or uncles homes either) all because my grand dad had warned my dad of its powerful force of the way it can influence and change the human mind and how easliy the TV can download an opinion to the viewer in some sort of subconsious manner without the viewer really knowing that they have taken in an opinion and later on in life will act on it without really remembering where there opinion originated! (This is the hidden force my grandfather knew about). This is no secret to any student who studies media or works in advertisment I am told...

Anyways..to get back on track... I cant help but feel that these gay urges I get (Mabey they are more Bi urges) are not really of my true opinion and are really ideas and opinions that where downloaded to my subconsious mind through all the time I spent watching soaps and listening to the likes of madonna, britney etc since moving away from home and owning my own TV, iPod etc.

Do I make sense?
Sorry if it sounds confusing

No. Sorry for being blunt but just no. For me being gay isn't something that's externally foisted upon me. It's something internal that is part of me. I'm not gay because I liked Kylie. I am gay because I feel within me that I am attracted to men.

Yes I do regret coming out because of the reactions. The negative reactions have outweighed the positive. I don't think it would have made much of a difference if I had stayed incognito, I would not have felt any less myself. At the end of the day it is how you reckon with things, but it is made a lot more difficult if people stir up hate and discontent. I will never come out in work, never, people have pushed me to try and tell them. Those people are sad prurient individuals with nothing better to do but feverishly speculate about others.

[Pedant]

Originally Posted by ldil

When I shut myself away from media, ie, the TV, the Internet, The Radio, The Press, The magazines etc etc and I can think for myself, I really question my urges!

My grand father spent his whole life behind the scenes working in Radio and Television and he always thought us that TV was bad for us. In fact, In our home, we did not have a TV or any form of media (or any of my aunts or uncles homes either) all because my grand dad had warned my dad of its powerful force of the way it can influence and change the human mind and how easliy the TV can download an opinion to the viewer in some sort of subconsious manner without the viewer really knowing that they have taken in an opinion and later on in life will act on it without really remembering where there opinion originated! (This is the hidden force my grandfather knew about). This is no secret to any student who studies media or works in advertisment I am told...

Anyways..to get back on track... I cant help but feel that these gay urges I get (Mabey they are more Bi urges) are not really of my true opinion and are really ideas and opinions that where downloaded to my subconsious mind through all the time I spent watching soaps and listening to the likes of madonna, britney etc since moving away from home and owning my own TV, iPod etc.

Do I make sense?
Sorry if it sounds confusing

---> Conspiracy theories forum (especially the part about your homosexuality being a product of the media)

I never listened to any of those artists (Madonna, Britney), I thought they were shite. In fact, I mostly listened to alternative, rock and metal, yet I still turned out gay. I doubt very much that there's some subliminal force inside music that turns people gay. As for television, I never really watch it, only documentaries from time to time. Afterall, I have the internet.

[ldil]

Originally Posted by Pedant

---> Conspiracy theories forum (especially the part about your homosexuality being a product of the media)

I never listened to any of those artists (Madonna, Britney), I thought they were shite. In fact, I mostly listened to alternative, rock and metal, yet I still turned out gay. I doubt very much that there's some subliminal force inside music that turns people gay. As for television, I never really watch it, only documentaries from time to time. Afterall, I have the internet.

I only get gay inclinations when ever my emotions are aroused by femininity that I have experienced through media. Having never actually experienced the gay bar enviroment or acted physically with the same sex in a promiscuous manner I can not act on my thoughts just yet as my thoughts seem to be based on faith unfounded on fact. Had I been brought up in an average Irish home watching the TV my entire child hood I believe that perhaps I would be a different person now in many respects. My grandfather can be found in the RTE history books. He was heavily involved in its set up and I trust his word to the T. As a result of my personal upbringing, I can't help but be cynical about the whole thing but at the same time I am not trying to say that there is a conspiracy going on here. I don't for one second advocate that proposition. Often times you can get the effects of a conspiracy without an actual conspiracy going on if that makes sense? Another thing gramps told us along time ago.

I agree, the whole gay thing must form from some sort of genetic predispostion which one could argue that perhaps the subliminal effects of media can lead a person down a completey different sexual path if that person had been influenced by media compared to a person who had not been influenced.

Up to finishing my leaving cert I was only ever interested in girls. I was a horn dog you might say alike to many of the other chaps in my class. I played GAA in school. I can remember going out the summer after the leaving cert with the lads looking for the riode...
Anyways.. I move out, get my own place and start college and I live in a shared house with a TV in each room. I get my own laptop at the same time, I get an Ipod etc etc. After a few months and still to this day I notice I have changed somehow and I can't explain it and as a result I dont know if I am straight, Gay or Bi. I honestly believe the media did it to me.
Had, after school I moved to a jungle (just say I did) my bet would be that I would be happily married to a jungle girl.

Bottom Line here is this really... I am worried I would come out and then in a few years time realise that actually the whole gay thing was just from spending to much time stuck in the media world (monkey see, monkey do) and that if I meet a women and want to marry her I find myself in a possible position of finding it to hard to retract on my coming outness from my peers and elect to stay gay but Deep down I would rather just be a joe soap.... Phew
Now, I want to know is there anyone else like me out there?
Have people come out and realised that actually it was just a phase they went through (probably influenced heavily by modern society) and wished they had not come out?

sorry for long message guys.

I just want help.
Thanks

[col.in.Cr]

I came out today and I regret it already...



It was pissing outside and I got soaked

[1ZRed]

Originally Posted by ldil

I only get gay inclinations when ever my emotions are aroused by femininity that I have experienced through media. Having never actually experienced the gay bar enviroment or acted physically with the same sex in a promiscuous manner I can not act on my thoughts just yet as my thoughts seem to be based on faith unfounded on fact. Had I been brought up in an average Irish home watching the TV my entire child hood I believe that perhaps I would be a different person now in many respects. My grandfather can be found in the RTE history books. He was heavily involved in its set up and I trust his word to the T. As a result of my personal upbringing, I can't help but be cynical about the whole thing but at the same time I am not trying to say that there is a conspiracy going on here. I don't for one second advocate that proposition. Often times you can get the effects of a conspiracy without an actual conspiracy going on if that makes sense? Another thing gramps told us along time ago.

I agree, the whole gay thing must form from some sort of genetic predispostion which one could argue that perhaps the subliminal effects of media can lead a person down a completey different sexual path if that person had been influenced by media.

Up to finishing my leaving cert I was only ever interested in girls. I was a horn dog you might say alike to many of the other chaps in my class. I played GAA in school. I can remember going out the summer after the leaving cert with the lads looking for the riode...
Anyways.. I move out, get my own place and start college and I live in a shared house with a TV in each room. I get my own laptop at the same time, I get an Ipod etc etc. After a few months and still to this day I notice I have changed somehow and I can't explain it and as a result I dont know if I am straight, Gay or Bi. I honestly believe the media did it to me.
Had after school I moved to a jungle (just say I did) my bet would be that I would be happily married to a jungle girl.

Bottom Line here is this really... I am worried I would come out and then in a few years time realise that actually the whole gay thing was just from spending to much time stuck in the media world (monkey see, monkey do) and that if I meet a women and want to marry her I find myself in a possible position of finding it to hard to retract on my comming outness from my peers and elect to stay gay but Deep down I would rather just be a joe soap.... Phew
Now, I want to know is there anyone else like me out there?
Have people come on and realised that actually it was just a phase they went through (probably influenced heavily by modern society) and wished they had not come out?

sorry for long message guys.

I just want help.
Thanks

Let me set you "straight" here, the media has ZERO effect on your sexuality! I was like you, played hurling and football throughout school and did the same with lads in my year and chased girls. I still like girls albeit to a lesser degree than ever but once those gay thoughts are there, they're there forever. It's not the media's fault, it's always been with you and you're just starting to realise it.
You can't go back straight once you have those "gay thoughts" because a straight guy wouldn't have them in the first place so you're definitely not that.

You see just because you don't live up to the fake effeminate gay stereotype (that I think you've picked up from TV) and have been with girls and played sport doesn't mean you're straight. If you met me you wouldn't think I'm gay at all, but I am.

You don't have to come out and label yourself but just acknowledge that you like men and realise that's not going anywhere and deal with it.

[MultiUmm]

Originally Posted by col.in.Cr

I came out today and I regret it already...



It was pissing outside and I got soaked

That's bit of an AH answer anyway.

To answer your question OP, there were one or two times after I first came out where I felt a bit overwhelmed I suppose. I don't know if I'd use the word regret in hindsight (at the time I felt like I regretted it somewhat), but I went from practically no one at all knowing or even suspecting my sexuality to me becoming the first and so far only openly gay person in my year at school, in my family etc. It's hard to explain but sometimes I almost still feel slightly taken aback by it all, I knew I was attracted to the same sex at a very young age (10 or 11) and I hid it so well during my early adolescent years.
Eventually after a bolster in confidence and a general tiredness of hiding my sexuality, I came out to my family when I was 15 and friends a year later at 16. In fairness, I don't think I could've asked for a better coming out process, my confidence was never and still isn't great but compared to before I've come on leaps and bounds and no one at all at school or anywhere has a problem with it. I have had the odd name call alright but that was from pretty stupid ignorant people who are now (thankfully ) finished school.

So to summarise, no - I don't regret coming out at all. On a final note though, I'm not sure if this is a regret of coming out or not, but since I have to some people it's become the defining part of my personality. "Oh do you know MultiUmm the gay guy? He's soo sound, wish I had a gay best friend like him!" Usually once I tell the gay best friend types I hate shopping like most males they tend to lose interest.

[ldil]

Originally Posted by 1ZRed

deal with it.

Any advice on how I can deal with it ? I feel so embarresed and god forbid if the lads found out about me I think I would be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood Not to mention what my family would think of me.. Mabey I am just hoping that this Gayness or Biness or what ever it is would just go away. On the other hand (to myself) I fantasise about been a bottom but my head says "No, that is yucky and plain wrong".

[MultiUmm]

Originally Posted by ldil

Any advice on how I can deal with it ? I feel so embarresed and god forbid if the lads found out about me I think I would be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood Not to mention what my family would think of me.. Mabey I am just hoping that this Gayness or Biness or what ever it is would just go away. On the other hand (to myself) I fantasise about been a bottom but my head says "No, that is yucky and plain wrong".

It won't go away though. You can't fight what you're aroused by or attracted to, you can suppress it (which I really advise against because it's very unhealthy) but just "wishing away the gay" in you will never work. Sorry to be so blunt but that's the way it is, attraction is practically a primal instinct and if you happen to be aroused/ attracted to men you will have to try to come to terms with it as best as you can.

[stephen_n]

Originally Posted by ldil

Any advice on how I can deal with it ? I feel so embarresed and god forbid if the lads found out about me I think I would be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood Not to mention what my family would think of me.. Mabey I am just hoping that this Gayness or Biness or what ever it is would just go away. On the other hand (to myself) I fantasise about been a bottom but my head says "No, that is yucky and plain wrong".

What your suffering from is internalized homophobia not over exposure to TV/media influences. What age are you?

[ldil]

Originally Posted by stephen_n

What your suffering from is internalized homophobia not over exposure to TV/media influences. What age are you?

25

[1ZRed]

Originally Posted by MultiUmm

Usually once I tell the gay best friend types I hate shopping like most males they tend to lose interest.

Yeah reminds me when I came out drunk last new years I told them I don't do shopping, I don't do feelings and I don't do the stereotypical gay best friend!

Originally Posted by ldil

Any advice on how I can deal with it ? I feel so embarresed and god forbid if the lads found out about me I think I would be the laughing stock of the neighbourhood Not to mention what my family would think of me.. Mabey I am just hoping that this Gayness or Biness or what ever it is would just go away. On the other hand (to myself) I fantasise about been a bottom but my head says "No, that is yucky and plain wrong".

You just have to accept it first and then it will eventually come together on it's own. You like guys and that's just it. I was the same and tried to ignore it and wish it away but it didn't work. Tbh with you, because you're gay, being with a man will come way more naturally to you than being with a woman. And yes it's a hard thing to deal with when you where taught to think it was wrong but you'll realise that's not true and it's an amazing experience to have.
I'm from a rural area and I came out to friends there, it went fine. Sure some people didn't quite take it as well but that was my fault for not giving them time to adjust. But yeah I get you, I'm one of the lads with no gay friends so it's easy to imagine it will go badly and I'll be the laughing stock left with nothing afterwards. But if they were really your friends they would still like and love you regardless. If they don't all the more reason to move on from them because those type of people will not make you feel good about yourself for being gay and if you still hang around them while closeted.

And about the "plain wrong" sex, yeah I thought the same and told myself I'll never have anal sex or anything else because I thought it was sick and look at me now! There is nothing "yucky" or wrong with gay sex at all it's just that you're so against it because you were told it's wrong and you believe it because you don't want to be gay.

My advice to you is to stop fighting your attraction, accept it gets you aroused and maybe watch some porn and see what it's all about. That's what I did when I was 15 and it made me see it as a normal thing two men can engage in.

[baby and crumble]

Originally Posted by col.in.Cr

I came out today and I regret it already...



It was pissing outside and I got soaked

Please read the charter before posting again. This is clearly a serious thread, if you have nothing to contribute on the topic, please don't post.

[baby and crumble]

OP, if, as you believe, the tv, media, internet etc could turn you gay, then gayness should have not existed anywhere before the advent of mass media, nor in communities like the Amish community or civilizations which have not been exposed to mass media. If you look at history, this is clearly not the case, so your argument holds little water.

I understand that you don't really want to be gay, and that's understandable- I think most people here, if they're honest, had at least a little moment when they didn't want to be gay. I did, although I don't feel that way now- I have come to terms with who I am as best as I can.

You need to think more about who you are, and what 'gay' means to you. Is it a part of you, is it an element of who you are rather than what you are? No-one can answer those questions for you.

[floggg]

OP, if anything happened here I think it was that your parents/grandparents had you too sheltered and fearful about the effects of TV and media.

Think about it, 95% of what's on tv or on the radio is about heterosexual relationships. If there is any danger of tv/media conditioning you to be of a particular sexual orientation it would make you straight.

I mainly listen to hip-hop music, which is renowned for is misogyny and portrayal of women as sex objects. i particularly love a good hip-hop strip club anthem (Like a Pimp or Tip Drill are my jams). And yet I in no way feel attracted to big booty african women, despite the influence of music.

It sounds like you are trying to rationalise away your same sex feelings and explain it away as a phase. If it's not you, it's the media's fault, you can somehow overcome it and "go back to being straight." I did something myself for years - i told myself it was something to do with body image and insecurity. It wasn't, but I was making myself miserable trying to deny it, and explain away my feelings. And all the while I was trying to do this I was putting my life on hold.

I can also relate to the fear of being a laughing stock or being rejected, and not feeling i fitted into the typical gay man stereotype (played sport, didn't act camp, no fashion sense etc etc etc).

Eventually I reaslised there is no explaining it away and there is no hiding from it. I came out to myself first - I admitted I was gay - and immediately felt so much better. I could almost feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. Then I came out to everybody else. While there was a few rocky bits, I haven't once regretted doing so.

But you don't need to come out anybody just yet, take your time. You can do it at your own pace. Just be open to the possibility though that you are gay/bi and try and learn to see it as something natural and normal (which it is). As long as you try and fight it, you'll just make yourself feel bad every time you try to repress the feelings. That doesn't mean you have to decide anything either way about your sexual orientation - but just allow yourself to figure it out free of guilt or shame.