A doctor tells his patient that, after a long active sex life, his penis is burnt out and he can only use it another 30 times.
The man goes home and tells his wife the bad news.
'That's terrible,' she says. 'With so few left we can't waste any.
Let's make a list of special occasions.'
'Sorry,' says the man, 'I've already made the list.
and You're not on it.'
Bob was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him.
The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.
"What's the matter?" Bob asked.
"I've been transferred to Dublin, there are crazy people there.
They've got lots of shootings, gangs, riots, drugs, poor schools, and the highest crime rate in the country."
Jack replied, "I've lived in Dublin all my life. It's not as bad as the media says.
Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business and enrol your kids in a nice private school.
It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said,"Oh, thank you.
I've been worried to death.
But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."