Hi everyone, going unreg for this. Well I don't know where to begin with this tbh! I'll start with a bit of a background to the situation. Been with my partner for 3 years, I have a 5year old (her father is not on the scene) and he has 2 kids (8 and 11) from a previous relationship. His marriage broke down 4 and a half years ago (wasn't working for a long time, she decided to end it). Things were fairly ok with access and maintenance etc until he started seeing me.
From day 1 his ex took a massive dislike to me and has gone out of her way to make it almost impossible for us to be together. She wouldn't let his kids meet me for the first year (which I went along with, I just wanted things to be easy for the kids). He has access to his kids every day he has off - 1 day a week and every second weekend. I never go with him during his weekday with them, and the weekends he has them I usually only spend a few hours on the Sunday with them. This is the only proper free time that I get to spend with my partner due to his job and access arrangements. His ex would moan that I am constantly there when he has his kids and that I need to back off, when in reality I only see them 2 half days a month.
She constantly accuses myself and my daughter of "tagging along" with my partner and his kids to various places : The examples she gave were one Sunday when I had decided to take my little girl to the cinema. My partner asked if I minded him bringing the kids along, and I agreed. This turned into me tagging along with them when she heard the story. Another is a trip to Disney World I have been planning and saving for since before I met my partner. I finally had enough spare cash to book it for this year, so I did. My partner decided to make a family holiday of it and bring his kids too. Then I got berated by her for tagging along on "their" holiday.
I could go on and on with this, but I am really at a loose end here. I love my partner very much, and he adores me. He is fantastic with my little girl and treats her as his own, as he is the only father figure she has ever known. The stress this woman is causing though is really affecting everybody involved. I get frustrated with my partner for not standing up for me with her, even though I know if he opens his mouth she will deny him access to his kids. My partners relationship with my daughter is starting to be affected as anything remotely fatherly he does with her is ammunition for his ex to call him a bad father and tell his kids they are being replaced, which is so not true. My daughter used to get on really well with his kids, but the ex's attitude seems to be rubbing off on them and they are starting to bully her and exclude her from games or when they gets sweets to share etc (though they do not do this in front of dad).
I am at the point where I am questioning whether or not I can continue with the relationship when she is so hell bent on destroying it. I don't want to expose my daughter to the bitterness and hatred this woman has for her and myself, but I know she would be absolutely devastated to lose my partner from her life.
I would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this, or whether or not I should just face facts and walk away?