[gwjones42]

Hi folks,

I first posted here just over a year ago about being 27, admitting I'm gay (I might have said "bi" at the time) and of being so excited and messed up both at the same time. I also talked about my first gay kiss in all its stubbly glory.......

Well a fair bit of time has passed since then, and things have moved on. In fact, this has been the first year when the parts of my life that really bother me have actually started to improve, (self-confidence, friendships, relationships etc...).

I quickly told a few of my work friends and seeing how little it bothered them was a real boost to my confidence. The improvement has come from telling them that I am the way I am (and always have been), that I know I'm a good person and that it was the fear of admitting I was gay that made me seem so uptight and distant for so long. It's been great..................................however..................................

............I keep my work friends at a very safe distance from my family and home friends so there's little danger of what goes on with them being found out at home. So even though I've been enjoying building this new life with them, it's been limited to just this one setting and I still haven't been able to share my news with the people I feel most emotionally close to because I care so much more about how they might react.

That was until last week, when armed with the confidence of being in a happy relationship with a great guy for the past 4 months behind me, I decided to have a chat with my oldest sister. I talked awkwardly for an hour and nearly didn't go through with it and was about to leave her house when I blurted out "I've been seeing someone".......and "it's been going on for nearly four months". She said she is delighted for me and asked why I hadn't told her sooner about this girl? So I told her the reason was that "her" name was in fact "Insert guy's name here"!!

I cried because I was so happy to have finally gotten the words out of my mouth. She then cried because she realised how sad I had been for so long and we talked for ages. It was brilliant. This chat was closely followed by a similar one with my other sisters, with more tears for the same reasons, (I never used to cry!! Now I do it all the time!!). It was great too........but......

.........Now there's just the big one to go.....my parents!!

Logic tells me that saying it to them will most likely go the same way as the chats with my sisters, (if not a bit more intense)............because I know they are both good people.................................and they just want me to be happy...................and they know I've been sad for years.........but...... I'm still terrified!

Today suits doing it and all because they're both in their house. In fact, my legs are wobbly already at the thought of it because I know that I won't be able to call down to them and act like there's nothing on my mind.......(I'm usually able to push it to the back of my mind you see), but now feels like the right time..................(looking back on this post, I see I'm trying to talk myself into it). I thought about it all last night, all of yesterday and for the past few days before that, it's been a growing presence in my mind.

So..........I know what needs to be done and I know how to do it. I know things will be better when it's done, regardless of their reactions and finally I know that I can't be responsible for their happiness.....I can just let them know I'm happy.................I just need to go and do it


So................................................................off I go!!!

[oisindoyle]

Congrats on coming out to your work colleagues and sisters .What a year you've had ,all in the main very positive .
I wish you well in telling your parents and hope all goes smoothly.
Do tell us how you got on

[Conor30]

Congrats. There's no rush to tell your parents. Take your time. You have shown lots of courage already.

[Aurongroove]

takes me back a bit.
Well done on being "half out" it's a very tentative, worrying and exciting time.

The parents are usually the biggest worry for most people.

[ninty9er]

The parents were easy looking back, the grandparents is the one that'll be a nuisance, though I half think one of them has an incling.

All the parents and aunts say don't tell them, but there may come a time when its inevitible. Sure just send them an invite to the wedding and they can see some fella there standing next to me

[gwjones42]

Well I did it........................I would have said that Saturday afternoon (when I told them) was the most uncomfortably awkward day of my life, as I sat nervously with Mam and Dad in the living room for two hours, drank an ungodly amount of tea, went to the toilet far too often for someone healthy and eventually blurted out that I had "news" (the details of which were met with stony silence and an inability to look me in the eye). That would have been the worst had I not gone through the terror of going back there yesterday......talk was minimal and the tension was unbearable as they found any excuse not to be in the same room as me.

I spent today in work stressing over going back again, but went anyway, just to try and keep things as normal as possible and thankfully it was a good bit better. They were more chatty.....(albeit about anything bar my news).

I knew it was going to be a shock for them, so i understand why they're so uncomfortable and I know they're trying their best. I'm just hoping things keep improving because the relief of having finally done it hasn't even set in yet because of the tension, so the sooner the better I say!!

[baztard]

Originally Posted by gwjones42

Well I did it........................I would have said that Saturday afternoon (when I told them) was the most uncomfortably awkward day of my life, as I sat nervously with Mam and Dad in the living room for two hours, drank an ungodly amount of tea, went to the toilet far too often for someone healthy and eventually blurted out that I had "news" (the details of which were met with stony silence and an inability to look me in the eye). That would have been the worst had I not gone through the terror of going back there yesterday......talk was minimal and the tension was unbearable as they found any excuse not to be in the same room as me.

I spent today in work stressing over going back again, but went anyway, just to try and keep things as normal as possible and thankfully it was a good bit better. They were more chatty.....(albeit about anything bar my news).

I knew it was going to be a shock for them, so i understand why they're so uncomfortable and I know they're trying their best. I'm just hoping things keep improving because the relief of having finally done it hasn't even set in yet because of the tension, so the sooner the better I say!!

Fair play to you. It takes real guts to do what you done, especially going back on day two and day three. Your setting a good precedent by keeping your behaviour and interaction with them as normal as possible. They might not be too familiar with what it means to be gay and so could be fearful of what to expect. Showing them that you've not changed and your still the same person is a good way to set their minds at ease.

They sound like they're a bit in shock, so they'll obviuosly need a week or two to gather their thoughts, chat amoung themselves, and get used to the idea and how it will impact their own personal lives. I would advise giving them some space to do this, but to also be wary at the same time to not let the subject of you being gay be taboo. If you're told them about your boyfriend don't be afraid to bring him up in casual conversation etc. If they ask you how you're weekend was, tell them you met friends in a gay bar, or went to x,y&z with your boyfriend etc etc. Normalise it for them.

Congratulations man, enjoy your freedom!

[lottpaul]

Well done too!

It must have been very very difficult but you did it -- and you'll never have to go through that again. The silence etc is totally to be expected. For parents it's difficult to think of any of your children growing up and - heaven forbid - having sex - of any kind . But they are probably of my generation and we're not all innocents

But give them time. They need to match up their preconceptions/views of gay people with the person - you - they gave birth to many years ago.

You have shared a precious part of your life with them and in time they will come to treasure that. Of course it may be difficult at times, as it will be for any of your siblings. But as baztard says don't let being gay go unmentioned either. It's part of you - just a part - and let them see that.

Congratulations

[AodhDub]

Hey gwjones42. I enjoyed readin that, cheers for getting back to us.

[hobbitshay]

Well done on coming out to the parents and friends. It is a real good feeling isn't it :)Great read!! I was looking at places to meet friends and saw your post.
I did it over a year ago now and after a bad year i am finally getting there!
You should be proud and happy. It was a very brave step and glad you had some one with you too. It makes a difference and your lucky to be in a relationship and have support. Good to see you happy too.Keep it going. Its hard to find good guys these days who care. During my experience I let my boyfriend of 4 years go because I thought I had to have fun and do all the things my single mates told me, i was wrong but am stronger for it now I was all over the shop ha and just had to do it. Advice dont change your values and listen to others unless you trust them. Follow your own intuition.
I am meeting my ex tomorrow to see if we can work things out. I made a mistake. So fingers crossed. So keep up the good work and relax and take in the experience as a good one and good luck.
Oh have you any links for making mates, gay mates and activities? It is all new to me.

[hobbitshay]

amazing well done

[cartell_best]

Originally Posted by gwjones42

Hi folks,

I first posted here just over a year ago about being 27, admitting I'm gay (I might have said "bi" at the time) and of being so excited and messed up both at the same time. I also talked about my first gay kiss in all its stubbly glory.......

Well a fair bit of time has passed since then, and things have moved on. In fact, this has been the first year when the parts of my life that really bother me have actually started to improve, (self-confidence, friendships, relationships etc...).

I quickly told a few of my work friends and seeing how little it bothered them was a real boost to my confidence. The improvement has come from telling them that I am the way I am (and always have been), that I know I'm a good person and that it was the fear of admitting I was gay that made me seem so uptight and distant for so long. It's been great..................................however..................................

............I keep my work friends at a very safe distance from my family and home friends so there's little danger of what goes on with them being found out at home. So even though I've been enjoying building this new life with them, it's been limited to just this one setting and I still haven't been able to share my news with the people I feel most emotionally close to because I care so much more about how they might react.

That was until last week, when armed with the confidence of being in a happy relationship with a great guy for the past 4 months behind me, I decided to have a chat with my oldest sister. I talked awkwardly for an hour and nearly didn't go through with it and was about to leave her house when I blurted out "I've been seeing someone".......and "it's been going on for nearly four months". She said she is delighted for me and asked why I hadn't told her sooner about this girl? So I told her the reason was that "her" name was in fact "Insert guy's name here"!!

I cried because I was so happy to have finally gotten the words out of my mouth. She then cried because she realised how sad I had been for so long and we talked for ages. It was brilliant. This chat was closely followed by a similar one with my other sisters, with more tears for the same reasons, (I never used to cry!! Now I do it all the time!!). It was great too........but......

.........Now there's just the big one to go.....my parents!!

Logic tells me that saying it to them will most likely go the same way as the chats with my sisters, (if not a bit more intense)............because I know they are both good people.................................and they just want me to be happy...................and they know I've been sad for years.........but...... I'm still terrified!

Today suits doing it and all because they're both in their house. In fact, my legs are wobbly already at the thought of it because I know that I won't be able to call down to them and act like there's nothing on my mind.......(I'm usually able to push it to the back of my mind you see), but now feels like the right time..................(looking back on this post, I see I'm trying to talk myself into it). I thought about it all last night, all of yesterday and for the past few days before that, it's been a growing presence in my mind.

So..........I know what needs to be done and I know how to do it. I know things will be better when it's done, regardless of their reactions and finally I know that I can't be responsible for their happiness.....I can just let them know I'm happy.................I just need to go and do it


So................................................................off I go!!!

Thank you for putting a smile on my face for the first time today! It'll work out for ya lad, fair play!