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Deal Breaker in a Relationship

  • 26-04-2012 5:57pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 7,449 ✭✭✭Blisterman


    Thought this might be an interesting discussion.

    Are there any things that someone must have before you'd embark on a relationship with them? Be it physical/personality or interests?

    For me they are:

    Ambition
    Doesn't have to be work related, but a girl has to have some passion in their life. I find it hard to respect people with no ambition, and you definitely need to respect a person you're going out with.

    Not be religious
    I've nothing against religion. But I've gone out with religious girls in the past, and it's always gotten in the way. Plus if we were to some day get married and have kids, it'd just be too big an issue.

    Not be Jealous or clingy
    I like a girl who's independent, can go out do her own thing, and let me do mine without worrying and being possessive.

    Not be prudish
    I like a girl who's confident and happy in the bedroom. I couldn't go out with anyone sexually repressed. Like the religion thing, it'd just end up getting in the way.

    So what are yours?


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Just to pre-empt any possible attempts at smart arsey "humour",we all enjoy a joke however anything derogatory or any other nonsense will result in swift and brutal justice.

    ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Have plenty when I'm in a relationship with someone, but none beforehand really (except don't be an uggo :p).

    I think if you go into a relationship with a list of things you won't accept, regardless of who the person is, you're closing off a lot of doors that could benefit you in ways you'll never know. Often some of the best relationships I've had have been with people completely different to me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Must not want to get married and have children.
    Auburn hair and brown eyes is a definite bonus.
    After that I agree with OP, except I would look for this in a man (I am female btw)


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Must not want to get married and have children.

    Just about to post good luck finding a woman with that approach, and then, POW:
    except I would look for this in a man (I am female btw)

    Not the norm, but fair play. I also do not want kids. I hate kids and I hate what they do to your life. I even hate my own hypothetical kids what what they will do to my hypothetical life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Sky King wrote: »
    Just about to post good luck finding a woman with that approach, and then, POW:



    Not the norm, but fair play. I also do not want kids. I hate kids and I hate what they do to your life. I even hate my own hypothetical kids what what they will do to my hypothetical life.

    Yes, I think we're a rare breed. What's really annoying is when men agree with me 'oh yeah I don't want that either' and then, 6mths in they're proposing when drunk and suggesting baby names!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    The main one for me is ambition, without that it's a huge NO for me!? Fake ambition is worse :mad:


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    I also don't want kids, but feel I have to at least keep an open mind as a man, because women who don't want kids appear to be a rare breed. :)

    Other than that I can't really disagree with the OP, although I don't really like that word ''ambition'' because as soon as that word is mentioned it's immediately linked to a profession or ''career'', I realise that the OP didn't specifically mean this though.

    I personally don't have any career ambitions, and I'd go so far as to say that someone who focused too much energy on their career would be, maybe not a deal breaker, but a real turn off.


  • Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ Manuel Little Apparel


    Ambition to me means never being happy with what one has. :pac: Accepting mediocrity is a huge turn-on for me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Must be open minded to having kids - not ready for them yet myself but would want kids eventually

    Must have ambition

    Must be on the same level intellectually - doesn't have to be a genius but intelligence is a major turn on, and just a basic enthusiasm for learning would be sufficient

    Must share basic social/political opinions - don't have to agree on everything but, for example, could never be in a relationship with somebody who was anti-gender equality or pro IRA or against immigrants etc.

    Must share some (not all) common interests

    Ideally, be female and hot (good luck to me finding that) :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭jimmurt


    Blisterman wrote: »
    Thought this might be an interesting discussion.

    Are there any things that someone must have before you'd embark on a relationship with them? Be it physical/personality or interests?

    For me they are:

    Ambition
    Doesn't have to be work related, but a girl has to have some passion in their life. I find it hard to respect people with no ambition, and you definitely need to respect a person you're going out with.

    Not be religious
    I've nothing against religion. But I've gone out with religious girls in the past, and it's always gotten in the way. Plus if we were to some day get married and have kids, it'd just be too big an issue.

    Not be Jealous or clingy
    I like a girl who's independent, can go out do her own thing, and let me do mine without worrying and being possessive.

    Not be prudish
    I like a girl who's confident and happy in the bedroom. I couldn't go out with anyone sexually repressed. Like the religion thing, it'd just end up getting in the way.

    So what are yours?

    I'd have all of these apart from the religion one. I'm not religious but wouldn't mind if my partner was and wanted to bring up our kids that way. Like most kids they'll probably lose interest after a while anyway.

    Main one for me would be the ambition one, a relationship wouldn't work if one person is ambitious inside and outside of work while the other isn't (IMO).


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  • Registered Users Posts: 8,753 ✭✭✭qz


    Criteria 1: Must make me happy.
    Criteria 2-100: see Criteria 1.

    Not in the sense that they have to worship me, but I genuinely want to feel happy around them. It's artificial having a checklist of things that a girl has to have before you'll even consider her. My previous girlfriends have been nothing like me. I'm very career driven, but if I'm having fun with a girl I'm not going to suddenly stop because I find out she's perfectly content doing what she's doing and doesn't aspire to make a ton of cash.

    Yeah, when the relationship ends I'm sure I've looked back and thought, well yeah, there's the problem, lack of ambition, religion, prude etc etc. But honestly, to have a checklist of deal breakers is putting the cart before the horse don't you think?


  • Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ Nevaeh Loose Bug


    Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one :)


  • Administrators Posts: 53,127 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭awec


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

    Dealbreakers before getting into a relationship? ... making sexist/racist jokes (any jokes that mock vulnerable people etc) - as well as sexist/racist/elitist attitudes. He´d have to really believe in equality, and be very compassionate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

    I think you've just been extremely lucky. The amount of lazy people I've met, who are happy to live as long as possible off the dole is unbelievable.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,770 ✭✭✭LeeHoffmann


    I wouldn´t limit the term ´ambition´ to financial gain and career development. People can be on the dole and still be ambitious


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    I wouldn´t limit the term ´ambition´ to financial gain and career development. People can be on the dole and still be ambitious

    I never said people on the dole can't be ambitious@
    I think you've just been extremely lucky. The amount of lazy people I've met, who are happy to live as long as possible off the dole is unbelievable.

    People who try and live as long as possible off the dole, without bothering to look for work are not ambitious in my opinion.

    Anyway, that's a topic for another thread!


  • Registered Users Posts: 221 ✭✭karl_m


    I don't really have a criteria before, besides maybe an interest in learning.
    I'll date anyone who I'm physically attracted too and I like their personality.
    I'm only 19, But marriage I'm wary off and kids are a no, I don't think I will ever want kids.


  • Registered Users Posts: 20 mooeygooey


    I couldn't go out with a girl who was cruel to animals. Just couldn't do it!


  • Registered Users Posts: 221 ✭✭karl_m


    mooeygooey wrote: »
    I couldn't go out with a girl who was cruel to animals. Just couldn't do it!

    I read that completely wrong and though you said "who is cute to animals" :pac:


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    i want someone who has ambition in his life and doesnt want to be stuck in a tiny village for the rest of his life...i dont think i could stand living in the back arse of nowhere for the rest of my life
    i want someone who is willing to see the world and who is funny!
    i really want someone who can i connect with if i cant then there is no point
    and if he doesnt want kids all the better i can live without them! :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 20 mooeygooey


    karl_m wrote: »
    I read that completely wrong and though you said "who is cute to animals" :pac:

    She would have to be cute to THIS animal!! :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    No tendency to dramatics, some sort of drive and ambition, curious and interested in the wider world, steady natured and even tempered.

    Add shared values and a similar sense of humour and you have perfection.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 4,643 Mod ✭✭✭✭Daisies


    Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one :)

    +1. I want someone I can have fun with.Someone who can make me laugh when I think I'd never be able to smile again.

    Smoking actually makes me think a lot more about getting into a relationship with someone.It's not an instant deal breaker but everything else would have to be in his favour.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Must not be unreliable / selfish / self centered / sexist / rude.

    Must believe in marriage and want kids.

    Must have similar sense of humour.

    (I'm female)


  • Moderators, Sports Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 11,391 Mod ✭✭✭✭Captain Havoc


    Independence would be the big one for me. I'd still like to have a life away from the relationship by playing football, cycling and once a week heading down the pub with the lads. I'd also like her to have her own life too, I think when some people get into a relationship and it ends later down the line, they've lost touch with their friends and almost need to get back into a relationship.

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    Walking Tours of Kilkenny in English, French or German.



  • Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    Has to be willing to put up with my peculiar infatuations with dinosaurs and Transformers.

    Grimlock.jpg


  • Registered Users Posts: 713 ✭✭✭tatumkelly


    Has to be sarcastic and funny as hell :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    Independence would be the big one for me. I'd still like to have a life away from the relationship by playing football, cycling and once a week heading down the pub with the lads. I'd also like her to have her own life too, I think when some people get into a relationship and it ends later down the line, they've lost touch with their friends and almost need to get back into a relationship.

    totally agree with this!
    i couldnt bear to be in relationship with someone who wants to be around me 24/7. i need my own space i could never cling to a guy and forget about my friends..
    it is nice to have a relationship but its nice to have independence within said relationship!
    i have seen it too many times with people where they become so clingy and obsessed its creepy!


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  • Posts: 15,814 ✭✭✭✭ Zechariah Inexpensive Vent


    I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and one of the deal breakers that she had to get over is my habit of going out to get groceries and instead coming back with some rare/obscure film or toy. As I tell her, someday she will send me out for the basics with out last 20 euro and I'll come home with magic beans.

    For me a deal breaker would be someone who won't put in that lil bit more effort to make sure that something they are working on is great. I really can't stand people who will start something and only give it the bare minimum.


This discussion has been closed.
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