How do you broach this without sounding like a complete mess…I need to leave Ireland. I have to, every day here is a challenge, I know this sounds melodramatic but I cry every day, I cannot find work, every person I see who has a job is to be hated, I wasn't always like this, I worked, hard, I was self employed and now have nothing, I’ve watched my parents break like a wave upon this recession and I cannot bear the thought of living any longer, I say living because that's how I feel, every day, I wait for it to get better, I try, I strive for work and I get nowhere. I know I am a worthless person for being unemployed so long, there can be no other explanation, I am an embarrassment to myself and my family. I tried to emigrate but Im 36 I cant get a visa, its nearly impossible, I want to work, I don't want to go back to uni, I did that, I cant afford that, I came out with handshakes from the dean and assurances that the world was my oyster, who wouldn't want to hire somebody so smart and adaptable, well guess what ivory tower? Everyone!, Im not even worthy of a single interview.
I want to die, but I’m terrified Ill **** that up too and just end up more of a burden. What do you do? Don't tell me talking helps, talking does not help, I’m still unemployed, Im still broke and I’ve made a balls of everything, I made no good decisions and everything I did for others only made me worse off. If anyone is reading this who is thinking about leaving this country, do, while you’re young before it poisons you the way it has me.
If I had somewhere else to be I would, I’m trapped and there’s less and less hope every day, I go to sleep every night wishing I will never wake up as it is the only way to relieve the constant stress and unhappiness. I hope some day Ill have the courage to because I cant rescue myself from the way things are, I cant rescue my kid, at least if I was gone he wont have the constant disappointment of a useless unemployed parent making more bad decisions and ****ing up everything.