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10-03-2012, 17:55   #1
psychk
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looks and personality??!

Hi Guys. I just need an outside perspective on my relationship. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I love being with him. I am 28 and he is 31. I have been in allot of relationships growing up because luckily I am pretty with a good figure. (not meaning to sound full of myself) ! I have met so many guys which is great but which also means I went through alot of breakups mostly by the guys because I was always afraid to break up with the guy in case he was "The one".

Anyway the only thing is Im not that interested in sex with him. He has a nice body but not the kind of tall , 6 pack one I really fancy. However, I have been with perfectly built guys and they havent had half the nice personality attributes my current boyfriend has. A guy started at work recently and I really fancy him but would never do anything about it and realistically I know it probably would fizzle out after a few weeks anyway and I wouldnt fancy him as much. . Im just wondering if I should I be worried about this issue? We've talked about marraige and Im mad to have babies but am trying desperatly not to let this cloud my feelings for my boyfriend. Im kind of worried that I might want this so much I might ignore other signs. Like I get annoyed at him over stupid things and then I cant tell if Im just being high maintenence which I have a history of(very sensitive) or if Im actually right... Sometimes I feel like he is a brother to me but on the other hand I love his handsome face and gorgeous eyes so its not so brotherly ... Everyone whos met him in my family and friend group adore him and we have very similar interests and backgrounds.. Is this a recipie for success? Everyone says you just know when youve met the right one and for ages I felt he was. Is this true or is it normal to question it ?? I think Im just scared in case he's not the one!! Can anyone help!!
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10-03-2012, 18:01   #2
well..w
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....

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Originally Posted by psychk View Post

Anyway the only thing is Im not that interested in sex with him.!
It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that zing.....

You're sleeping with someone who you don't want to sleep with.... that does not bode well for the future of your relationship.

did you want to sleep with him when you met him?
 
10-03-2012, 18:08   #3
Kimia
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Did you fancy him in the beginning? Has it just started fading recently?
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10-03-2012, 18:11   #4
Lorna123
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I would say that if you are having doubts then he is not the one. I would be worried if you don't like having sex with him. That is a major issue. However, there is no perfect match and there is always going to be something wrong with a partner that will annoy us from time to time. Maybe if you had a break from him to weigh up the situation you might see things more clearly.
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10-03-2012, 18:40   #5
The Princess Bride
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Originally Posted by psychk View Post
Is this a recipe for success?

Can anyone help!!
Sounds like a recipe for an unhappy life together,to be honest.
You love being with him,you love his handsome face....but do you actually love him?

You say you're mad to have babies- with anybody or him specifically?

Read back over your own post a few times, and you'll see what we see.
After only 2 years ,everything should be still amazing( including the sex!)- and if you're having doubts at this early stage- throw babies,and bills and reality check into the equation and you have the potential to be posting back here in a few years as a miserable mother with a husband you no longer care about.

Best of luck with your choice-only you can make it.
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11-03-2012, 00:36   #6
puddles22
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if he's the one looks, personality,healthy sex life should be all encompassing at this stage especially after two years.
as they say the grass isnt always greener.
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11-03-2012, 01:51   #7
fallen01angel
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Hi OP,
I'm afraid I'm going to echo the previous posters on this one.He nearly has it all but you're not interested in sex with him,for me that would have alarm bells ringing-not that sex is the be all and end all but sexual attraction is important to have,it's early in the relationship to be missing that ingredient. I also think if you attracted to another guy and the only thing that seems to be stopping you is that you think it'd fizzle out after a few weeks/months is worrying.Can I ask you a question-do you feel that because your family and friends are so mad about your boyfriend that it's gotten you to think that you'd be fool to give him up and because they think so highly of him that he's got to be "The One"?
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11-03-2012, 11:37   #8
Miss Fluff
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I have been in allot of relationships growing up because luckily I am pretty with a good figure. (not meaning to sound full of myself) ! I have met so many guys which is great but which also means I went through alot of breakups mostly by the guys because I was always afraid to break up with the guy in case he was "The one".
This is very telling language. Does having a boyfriend validate you or your looks in some way? In effect it seems you are a serial monogmomist who always needs to be in a relationship, regardless of whether its a suitable one or not. I'm not slating you for this, it's just something I've always found hard to understand tbh. I wouldn't get involved in a serious relationship with someone when I knew it I didn't really love them or have the potential to. Why would you? I guess I'm pretty self-assured so I haven't needed to be validated by having a boyfriend at every stage in my life but I know it's common enough.

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Anyway the only thing is Im not that interested in sex with him.
The "only" thing? Pretty much one of the most fundamental things in a relationship and which ultimately is the differentiator between having a platonic relationship with someone or not. You'[re both young, you are only going out with each other two years, you should really be VERY interested in having sex with him.

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He has a nice body but not the kind of tall , 6 pack one I really fancy. However, I have been with perfectly built guys and they havent had half the nice personality attributes my current boyfriend has.
The Dalai Lama has a lot of nice personality traits too but I've no interest in getting jiggy with him. I'd quite like to hang out with him though. That means he might be a nice friend but not someone I'd contemplate getting together with.

Quote:
A guy started at work recently and I really fancy him but would never do anything about it and realistically I know it probably would fizzle out after a few weeks anyway and I wouldnt fancy him as much. . Im just wondering if I should I be worried about this issue?
Crushes are fine although in your situation probably more than likely symptomatic of what's wrong with the relationship you're in.

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We've talked about marraige and Im mad to have babies but am trying desperatly not to let this cloud my feelings for my boyfriend. Im kind of worried that I might want this so much I might ignore other signs.
Fair play on being this self-aware, it is sensible of you to address this now rather than when you've a few kids in tow and realise you can't bear the thought of your husband touching you. Having babies can put enormous strain on the strongest of relationships so you'd need to be pretty sure of him before embarking on that road. The fact that it's still a relatively new relationship and you don't really fancy him does not bode well tbh.

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Sometimes I feel like he is a brother to me but on the other hand I love his handsome face and gorgeous eyes so its not so brotherly ...
Yes you don't have any interest in actually having sex with him? That's brotherly.

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Everyone whos met him in my family and friend group adore him and we have very similar interests and backgrounds.. Is this a recipie for success?
No, because it will be YOU going home with him every night and sharing your bed and your lives and your fears and hopes and dreams. It doesn't matter if they think he's the World's Most Incredible Man, it's you and your consience that has to live with him.

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Everyone says you just know when youve met the right one and for ages I felt he was. Is this true or is it normal to question it ??
I think you know. It takes time to get to know someone so you might not know immediately but you know pretty soon imho. I knew after a few months with my fiance that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. Life comes with no guarantees so there is no way of knowing but I do know that there is no other person I would rather see out my days with, building a life together just seems like the most glorious (and most natural) thing we could do. I think after two years with someone you should have a pretty good idea and if you don't want to be phsycial with him then that in itself to me would have very very loud alarm bells ringing in my head.

If you want my honest advice I'd take some time out to be single if I were you. I think it might help you build on your self-esteem and your self-confidence and get to know YOURSELF a bit better. Why jump from one (wrong) relationship to the next? Too scared to leave in case they are The One? A recipe for disaster if you ask me. Get to know yourself first and then you'll be in a better position to know what YOU want from a relationship and the type of person that you will be happy to build a future with. Not just blindly getting attached to unsuitable men in the hope that they'll end up being "The One", ultimately you will end up lonely or in a totally unhappy relationship such is your desire to have children. You're only 28, go out and experience life a little....

Last edited by Taltos; 11-03-2012 at 23:02. Reason: HTML TO QUOTE
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11-03-2012, 13:51   #9
blatantrereg
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You only talk about him in terms of what he offers you. You compare him with people you've only just met - in what should be a reasonably formal environment. It doesn't sound like you love or care about him at all tbh. You also dont fancy him. But he is nice to you - and you get approval from your friends and parents for being with him - do you want to throw that away? That is what your dilemma is really.

I suggest you find someone who thinks in a similar way to how you do.
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11-03-2012, 19:57   #10
snafuk35
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psychk View Post
Hi Guys. I just need an outside perspective on my relationship. Ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years now and I love being with him. I am 28 and he is 31. I have been in allot of relationships growing up because luckily I am pretty with a good figure. (not meaning to sound full of myself) ! I have met so many guys which is great but which also means I went through alot of breakups mostly by the guys because I was always afraid to break up with the guy in case he was "The one".

Anyway the only thing is Im not that interested in sex with him. He has a nice body but not the kind of tall , 6 pack one I really fancy. However, I have been with perfectly built guys and they havent had half the nice personality attributes my current boyfriend has. A guy started at work recently and I really fancy him but would never do anything about it and realistically I know it probably would fizzle out after a few weeks anyway and I wouldnt fancy him as much. . Im just wondering if I should I be worried about this issue? We've talked about marraige and Im mad to have babies but am trying desperatly not to let this cloud my feelings for my boyfriend. Im kind of worried that I might want this so much I might ignore other signs. Like I get annoyed at him over stupid things and then I cant tell if Im just being high maintenence which I have a history of(very sensitive) or if Im actually right... Sometimes I feel like he is a brother to me but on the other hand I love his handsome face and gorgeous eyes so its not so brotherly ... Everyone whos met him in my family and friend group adore him and we have very similar interests and backgrounds.. Is this a recipie for success? Everyone says you just know when youve met the right one and for ages I felt he was. Is this true or is it normal to question it ?? I think Im just scared in case he's not the one!! Can anyone help!!
There is no such thing as 'the one.' That's just a load of baloney.
There are any number of guys you could be with and there are any number of women this guy could be with too. It's really your decision whether you want to stay with him and have children or not. Go with what you feel. Do you prefer him over other men or do you want to have more relationships. Do you want to settle down or not. It's really up to you. There's no right or wrong answer.
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12-03-2012, 17:06   #11
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Hi OP, I don't want to sound too harsh but I didn't get a good feeling when reading your post. Like Miss Fluff said, it seems like you're only interested in fitting in with the gang. You're pretty so you get asked out a lot and falling into relationships is relatively easy. Now you want kids so its easy enough to find someone fairly acceptable and the fact that your family like him pretty much validates the whole thing, except that the buzz isn't there. Now I do appluade you for being circumspective in this case but really i don't understand you either. Why don't you just take a step back and make a decision after you've thought about what you want? I presume everything clicked with this guy for the first while? Now, you're two years down the road and dithering about ending it or not. Frankly you sound like someone who gets asked out, falls into a relationship because it's handy for you and have some delusion about finding the ONE so you suspend all critical analysis and carry on with the delusion until you're dumped. Instead, next time you're asked out why not decide early on that this is or isn't what you want? Have a bit more confidence in yourself. Less attractive people get asked out too and it doens't seem to affect their chances too much. You have this opinion of yourself that you're very pretty, well beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Take some responsibility for your life and let this guy go. You might be super pretty but you don't deserve this fella and it's unfair to him that you haven't the backbone to stand up for yourself and instead lead him along. Do something definitive for once in your life.
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12-03-2012, 21:48   #12
jellygems
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if ur not interested in sex with ur bf ur in for alot of trouble


time to move on me thinks
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13-03-2012, 19:08   #13
emigrant36
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I have to say, I'd not want to be with someone that I didn't fancy, nor would i want to be with someobe who didnt fancy ne. Imagine beig rejected every day

And tbh, with my boyfriend, I fancy him more every day! (after 3 years!)
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13-03-2012, 23:46   #14
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This is a tricky one, while its easy to say break up with him, find yourself, love yourself etc, etc, this situation is scary for a woman in late twenties and mad to have kids and having invested 2 years of her life in the relationship. It feels like the biggest gamble ever, really not knowing if it will work or not, when you dont feel the idealistic perfect love for her partner, which we are constantly told is just a fantasy anyway? From what I've seen the lust filled relationships never last or end in intense hurt, and the comfortable more friend-like ones seem to go forever! So its the hardest thing in the world to know whether to give up on a handsome, kind man, when tbh it really is slim pickings of hot single kind generous loyal men of early 30s!!! Sorry this is cynical but its reality!
He sounds like a good man for you, but you obviously aren't feeling the fireworks, the spark etc. And thats seems to be what you want. Most of your post outlines that this is missing, and only one line states you want babies, so maybe you kind of know which matters more to you at this time. Best of luck with your decision
 
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14-03-2012, 12:01   #15
Miss Fluff
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It feels like the biggest gamble ever, really not knowing if it will work or not, when you dont feel the idealistic perfect love for her partner, which we are constantly told is just a fantasy anyway?
A fantasy? Good God that's cynical. Being in love with someone, respecting them, enjoying their company and FANCYING someone are pretty much prerequisites tbh. They are all essential ingredients for a happy relationship and when one of them is missing then the person to my mind is "making do", no way to live life imho.

OP if you think your BF is a nice bloke but you don't fancy him then he really should be relegated to friend status tbh...
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