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takingastep · 10-09-2010, 20:29

Hi

I am a 21yo girl who is v confused about whether I am straight, gay or Bi. I considered asking my friend to just come with me to a gay club or somwthing so that I could see, but that would involve telling her something that I am not even sure about myself yet. I am attracted to women, sometimes I think it is more a looking on in awe kinda feeling or jealousy or something but once or twice I have wanted to try something!! and then again I have been with guys before albeit with a few probs that I had just put down to low self esteem or some other randomly concocted idea!!!

deirdre_dub · 11-09-2010, 01:39

Have you investigated alternatives to going to a gay club? For instance, I believe there is a "first out" night in Outhouse for people in your exact situation.

mollzer · 12-09-2010, 01:02

The first step is always the hardest ! so well done on posting about how you feel here!

Sexuality can be very fluid for some people ie we are neither fully gay/straight/bi. Putting a label on how you feel can make you more confused!

Only you will really know how you feel.

It took me years of confusion before I realised that I was a lesbian.
Before that I was in a long term relationship with a man, that looking back now never felt right. But I know that now because I am in a long term relationship with a woman (I knew I was gay at my first female kiss!).
When I was your age I would have loved to have had the opportunity to date a woman or at the very least talk to someone about my confusion.
If you dont feel comfortable confiding in your friend, then find an alternative, be brave and make contact with your local LGBT group (like Outhouse) and go for it! Some very nice people (who dont bite) in these groups, that will help you along your journey.
And remember you are young, have fun along the way. Oh and if the relationships you have had with guys dont turn you on, then blame the guys!!! might have nothing to do with 'self esteem' issues at all! (some guys are sh*t in bed, as are some gals lol).

Louisevb · 12-09-2010, 13:02

Just a few thoughts about experimenting sexually and how you might be feeling afterwards, and where you're going.

Attraction can be and for many is clear cut.... For others like you there are grey areas..
Firstly one of the grey areas is what happens in bed. There are no hard and fast rules here and you cannot decide about your sexuality after one or two bad experiences. In time your experiences will crystalise into where you feel you are going, so keep going on that front.

Secondly mental connections need to be brought into the equation. The ideal relationship contains compatibility on intellectual, social, and sexual grounds... when one is absent, it is difficult to keep the rest going.

Thirdly in a sexual situation if you are getting back less than you are giving then you feel used and it doesn't work either... Sexual gratification is a two way process and that's very important but that also includes care consideration and compassion and the most important eventually is love.

10-09-2010, 20:29	#1
takingastep Registered User Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 1 Adverts \| Friends	bet you have heard this one before but still Hi I am a 21yo girl who is v confused about whether I am straight, gay or Bi. I considered asking my friend to just come with me to a gay club or somwthing so that I could see, but that would involve telling her something that I am not even sure about myself yet. I am attracted to women, sometimes I think it is more a looking on in awe kinda feeling or jealousy or something but once or twice I have wanted to try something!! and then again I have been with guys before albeit with a few probs that I had just put down to low self esteem or some other randomly concocted idea!!!

11-09-2010, 01:39	#2
deirdre_dub Registered User Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Dublin Posts: 1,334 Adverts \| Friends	Have you investigated alternatives to going to a gay club? For instance, I believe there is a "first out" night in Outhouse for people in your exact situation.

12-09-2010, 01:02	#3
mollzer Registered User Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Cavan/Monaghan Posts: 236 Adverts \| Friends	The first step is always the hardest ! so well done on posting about how you feel here! Sexuality can be very fluid for some people ie we are neither fully gay/straight/bi. Putting a label on how you feel can make you more confused! Only you will really know how you feel. It took me years of confusion before I realised that I was a lesbian. Before that I was in a long term relationship with a man, that looking back now never felt right. But I know that now because I am in a long term relationship with a woman (I knew I was gay at my first female kiss!). When I was your age I would have loved to have had the opportunity to date a woman or at the very least talk to someone about my confusion. If you dont feel comfortable confiding in your friend, then find an alternative, be brave and make contact with your local LGBT group (like Outhouse) and go for it! Some very nice people (who dont bite) in these groups, that will help you along your journey. And remember you are young, have fun along the way. Oh and if the relationships you have had with guys dont turn you on, then blame the guys!!! might have nothing to do with 'self esteem' issues at all! (some guys are sh*t in bed, as are some gals lol).

12-09-2010, 13:02	#4
Louisevb Registered User Join Date: Jun 2005 Posts: 145 Adverts \| Friends	Just a few thoughts about experimenting sexually and how you might be feeling afterwards, and where you're going. Attraction can be and for many is clear cut.... For others like you there are grey areas.. Firstly one of the grey areas is what happens in bed. There are no hard and fast rules here and you cannot decide about your sexuality after one or two bad experiences. In time your experiences will crystalise into where you feel you are going, so keep going on that front. Secondly mental connections need to be brought into the equation. The ideal relationship contains compatibility on intellectual, social, and sexual grounds... when one is absent, it is difficult to keep the rest going. Thirdly in a sexual situation if you are getting back less than you are giving then you feel used and it doesn't work either... Sexual gratification is a two way process and that's very important but that also includes care consideration and compassion and the most important eventually is love.