Originally Posted by ConfusedAsCanBe
I found out earlier that my boyfriend is a crossdresser (mid 20s). I have not lived with him in the past so it was something I was struck with by fluke (i walked into the room unannounced).
I am confused and I cannot find a lot of sensible information on the internet. It's either too biased or too closely linked with sexual orientation.
I am wondering how common is this? Should I play along as though this is innocent fun or is there something more to this. I don't know whether to make something of it or to just leave it be as a personality quirk.
I think it's best to leave it as unspoken topic for the moment, because I have never seen anybody transcend to a purpley color so quickly (when I caught "her" in the act). More so because I need some advice on how to proceed.
Opinions would be appreciated. I just want to see what other people think.
Is it best not to ask questions in fear of throwing a good relationship back to the dark ages with that air of unsettledness and general discomfort?
Everything was/is going great but is this a touchy topic to bring up (guessing by the shades of purple) or should I join in on the 'fun'?
Opinions welcome from both genders on this.
Been there, done that
Though it was different as I knew about the cross-dressing before we started going out. In my case, he was literally just a TV. Totally straight (at the time - he's since "played" with guys, but would still prefer relationships with girls), no female "persona" as such, literally just a bloke in a dress.
It was simply that whatever way he was wired he had no concept of how to be attractive as a guy. To him, girls were attractive, so if he wanted to look and feel attractive then clearly he needed dresses and corsets and so on.
Now, it's different for different people, and you can really only know the case with your fella by talking to him but what I'm trying to make clear is the fact that being a tranny IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER implies *anything* about sexuality (as in straight/gay/bi etc. To be honest, it doesn't even have to be a sexual thing. My fella didn't have to wear a corset to have sex
He wasn't turned on by wearing women's clothes, any more than I am) Seriously. In fact, the majority of transvestites or cross-dressers would appear to be straight, even those who do actually have female personas.
Now I think I'd probably have had more of a problem with my boyfriend if he'd had a female persona. I wouldn't quite have known what to do with that. But that's as much down to him suddenly being a different person, if not more so, than specifically about it being *female*.
Ultimately though, it's something you both need to talk about. In a genuine, non-accusatory, non-freaked out manner. This is *not* about you, or your hurt feelings (not saying you think that, but it's not unusual), or anything like that, and certainly don't allow yourself to feel like a victim. This is about him and his needs, pure and simple.
After getting to know this aspect of him as much as possible, then you will have the hard decision of whether or not you can actually handle it - and if you can't that's ok, and nothing to be ashamed of - but don't go over-thinking things before you know anything.