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Dating & Disability

  • 20-01-2012 2:16pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭


    What are other disabled persons experiences(good or bad)?

    Say, for example, you sign up on a dating site, do you put in your profile that you have a disability, or do you leave it blank?

    A fellow disabled person reckons that, if you say in your profile that you are disabled, "prospective" partners run a mile.

    He maintains the best policy is to say nothing, and let the person discover your disability when they show up for a first date

    Opinions?


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2 kayla00


    I'd say maybe not to put in your disability on the site and wait and see what kind of friendship you can build with the person. Dont think you should be defined by your disability :o


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    kayla00 wrote: »
    I'd say maybe not to put in your disability on the site and wait and see what kind of friendship you can build with the person. Dont think you should be defined by your disability :o

    Yeah but i put it in cos I think it's a better policy to be upfront with people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2 kayla00


    Well I guess you should go with whatever you think is right for you. Best of luck!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    kayla00 wrote: »
    Well I guess you should go with whatever you think is right for you. Best of luck!!

    Thanks. No messages whatsoever on POF


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,530 ✭✭✭Duck's hoop


    For what it's worth MM, I personally wouldn't.

    People, an awful lot of people, have preconceived notions about disability and people with. Many of these notions would be at the negative end of the spectrum IMO.

    I'd say turn up and let them see the person first. I mean even out and about in real life I'm sure you've had prejudicial attitudes and comments?

    I know I have. But it doesn't take long before most people 'forget' the chair and treat me like anyone else.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    For what it's worth MM, I personally wouldn't.

    People, an awful lot of people, have preconceived notions about disability and people with. Many of these notions would be at the negative end of the spectrum IMO.

    I'd say turn up and let them see the person first. I mean even out and about in real life I'm sure you've had prejudicial attitudes and comments?

    I know I have. But it doesn't take long before most people 'forget' the chair and treat me like anyone else.

    Luckily I haven't.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Thanks. No messages whatsoever on POF

    From what I have heard, men don't tend to attract many messages on POF.

    If it was me, I would have it in the profile
    People can be very specific in their expectations, particular with internet dating. Where natural attraction is out of the equation at first.
    Better to weed out the people who have an issue it, right off the bat.

    While I know that lots of lovely people use internet dating.
    It is an easy option and a free fall for all. You have a higher likely of coming across oddballs and timewasters.
    I see most people using it for a long time with no success. So don't take it to heart if it doesn't work out for you.

    Keep your eyes open offline. Try get out and about with clubs too etc.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    :rolleyes:
    Moonbaby wrote: »
    From what I have heard, men don't tend to attract many messages on POF.

    If it was me, I would have it in the profile
    People can be very specific in their expectations, particular with internet dating. Where natural attraction is out of the equation at first.
    Better to weed out the people who have an issue it, right off the bat.

    While I know that lots of lovely people use internet dating.
    It is an easy option and a free fall for all. You have a higher likely of coming across oddballs and timewasters.
    I see most people using it for a long time with no success. So don't take it to heart if it doesn't work out for you.

    Keep your eyes open offline. Try get out and about with clubs too etc.

    Thanks. I f***ing hate nightclubs with a passion. A lot of them are either inaccessible, or they(bouncers)make up excuses for not allowing us in - and I know it's because of the chair.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I didn't mean nightclubs.

    I meant social clubs for interests you have.
    So that you might meet like minded people, in a relaxed environment.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    I didn't mean nightclubs.

    I meant social clubs for interests you have.
    So that you might meet like minded people, in a relaxed environment.

    LOL thanks for that - my brain's on a go slow today


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,530 ✭✭✭Duck's hoop


    :rolleyes:
    they(bouncers)make up excuses for not allowing us in - and I know it's because of the chair.

    But..But..

    You said you'd not encountered prejudicial attitudes....:pac: !

    You're right though. Nigtmare in a chair. And they're **** for meeting wimminz, especially at my age.

    THOUGH I have gotten lucky, back in the day.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    But..But..

    You said you'd not encountered prejudicial attitudes....:pac: !

    You're right though. Nigtmare in a chair. And they're **** for meeting wimminz, especially at my age. THOUGH I have gotten lucky, back in the day.

    LOL how old are ye


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,579 ✭✭✭aare


    Something nobody has mentioned yet is that to put a physical disability on a dating site is to run the risk of attracting what are known as "devotees"...

    ...and, ok lads, I KNOW boys will be boys and that might look like a good deal at first sight ;) but do you really want to find yourself in a relationship with someone who "only wants you for your disability"?

    Personally I would say do NOT put it in your profile, but if you start to feel a chemistry with someone, tell them right away...oh and DON'T wait for women to approach you...because most of them are waiting for you to approach them.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    aare wrote: »
    Something nobody has mentioned yet is that to put a physical disability on a dating site is to run the risk of attracting what are known as "devotees"...

    ...and, ok lads, I KNOW boys will be boys and that might look like a good deal at first sight ;) but do you really want to find yourself in a relationship with someone who "only wants you for your disability"?



    Personally I would say do NOT put it in your profile, but if you start to feel a chemistry with someone, tell them right away...oh and DON'T wait for women to approach you...because most of them are waiting for you to approach them.

    Ugh, are there people out there like that? I don't want someone to be with me out of pity??


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,530 ✭✭✭Duck's hoop


    aare wrote: »
    Something nobody has mentioned yet is that to put a physical disability on a dating site is to run the risk of attracting what are known as "devotees"...
    do you really want to find yourself in a relationship with someone who "only wants you for your disability"?

    If I worried about that I'd always be wondering ''is she only with me for my disability...'' And I'm sorry but that sounds ridiculous!

    I do know these people are out there, but they're generally batshìt loopy anyway, so steering clear is not a problem.

    Having said that, you have to use the hand you're dealt! All's fair and all that...


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,579 ✭✭✭aare


    Way worse than pity Mental Mickey...it's a weird kind of fetish...creepy...

    Duck's hoop, there are some serious ethical issues attached to the sexual exploitation of the stark raving bonkers y'know ;)

    Seriously, people with twisted fetishes tend to do things like trawl dating sites for specific keywords...


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    aare wrote: »
    Way worse than pity Mental Mickey...it's a weird kind of fetish...creepy...
    Duck's hoop, there are some serious ethical issues attached to the sexual exploitation of the stark raving bonkers y'know ;)

    Seriously, people with twisted fetishes tend to do things like trawl dating sites for specific keywords...

    Ugh


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    aare wrote: »
    Way worse than pity Mental Mickey...it's a weird kind of fetish...creepy...

    Duck's hoop, there are some serious ethical issues attached to the sexual exploitation of the stark raving bonkers y'know ;)

    Seriously, people with twisted fetishes tend to do things like trawl dating sites for specific keywords...

    Come on, guys - it's not 1975. 'Twisted fetishes' are not creepy. It's just a different taste. There are people out there with fetishes for all kinds of wild and wonderful things, like balloons, or furry animal suits, or raincoats, or tracksuits, or domination or whatever. It may not be to your taste, but that doesn't make it creepy.

    What would be creepy would be searching for people with disabilities without being open and honest about the nature of their interest.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,579 ✭✭✭aare


    Come on, guys - it's not 1975. 'Twisted fetishes' are not creepy. It's just a different taste. There are people out there with fetishes for all kinds of wild and wonderful things, like balloons, or furry animal suits, or raincoats, or tracksuits, or domination or whatever. It may not be to your taste, but that doesn't make it creepy.

    Actually, just FYI, the world was far more sexually permissive in 1975 than it is now, I know, I was there...

    Most fetishes are harmless enough as long as both parties are into them (tracksuits? Good Luck with that!) , but there are a few that are downright creepy and potentially harmful like the "fat feeder" fetish that seems to be very closely related to disability devotees, because the nature of the fetish tends to be in keeping the victim as helpless and dependent as possible 24/7.
    What would be creepy would be searching for people with disabilities without being open and honest about the nature of their interest.

    ABSOLUTELY true.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,644 ✭✭✭SerialComplaint


    Dependancy and co-dependent relationships are indeed unhealthy, but this has little to do with fetish relationships or with disability. It is a much broader issue.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,579 ✭✭✭aare


    Dependancy and co-dependent relationships are indeed unhealthy, but this has little to do with fetish relationships or with disability. It is a much broader issue.

    But it *IS* totally relevant to whether it is a good idea to advertise your disability on a dating profile.


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    OP here

    I did put it up on my POF profile, but haven't had any messages yet. And I think the person who said on this thread that men don't attract messages on POF is right. Not a sausage.

    :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    OP here

    I did put it up on my POF profile, but haven't had any messages yet. And I think the person who said on this thread that men don't attract messages on POF is right. Not a sausage.

    :rolleyes:

    Still nothing. :rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    I found someone who I find quite attractive, so I sent them a message - nothing too heavy, just a light-hearted introduction.

    We'll see how it goes.......?


  • Registered Users Posts: 37,295 ✭✭✭✭the_syco


    IMO, if you have a chair, it'll show in the pictures. If you don't have a chair, why bother mentioning that you have a disability?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    the_syco wrote: »
    IMO, if you have a chair, it'll show in the pictures. If you don't have a chair, why bother mentioning that you have a disability?

    Don't think my chair shows in the profile pic??? Maybe partly?


  • Registered Users Posts: 20 robjo


    On the subject of disability, what do people that have a disability do in relation to sex? Most people have the choice to go out, no matter how you look, and find someone somewhere that might want the same, but people who can’t do this, what do they do? Are they given tablets to slow/stop their desire?


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    robjo wrote: »
    On the subject of disability, what do people that have a disability do in relation to sex? Most people have the choice to go out, no matter how you look, and find someone somewhere that might want the same, but people who can’t do this, what do they do? Are they given tablets to slow/stop their desire?

    WTF? Never heard of that happening....?


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Entertainment Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Regional East Moderators Posts: 18,173 CMod ✭✭✭✭The Black Oil




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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,631 ✭✭✭✭Mental Mickey


    I'm a few months into a relationship, and we didn't hook up on any dating site(s).:D


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