Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Were you bullied in school? Or were you the bully?

124

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    That is unbelievable, how can this happen.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭EarlERizer


    I was bullied mercilessly all through secondry (and to a lesser extent throughout primary),partially because of my family name,partially because I was 'a bit soft'.
    I grew up the eldest of 5 and the only boy so I guess my being 'a bit soft' stemed from growing up in a predominantly female enviroment.

    Secondry was a different level altogether,there were 3 of them in particular who just seemed to hate me for no other reason than I was me,they were from a neighbouring estate where I had to go to school,I got walloped for been from a different estate,for coming to their school,for wanting to play on the school team,for been a good dancer!...the later was to prove my escape from the hassle I endured.

    See I've always loved music,dancing & drama so I was always up for the school plays n stuff (aswell as for football,gaelic & later martial arts),one of the nuns who taught us delivered the ammo for my tormentors when innocently in religion she classed me as "a very gay young lad" ..... we were discussing peoples characters,when asked what was my character the jibes of "a sap , a girl, a ****head etc" rang out and she piped up with her attempt at a genuine character appraisal,much to my horror! I knew instantly I was going to get it and I did in great measure,P.E. became thw worst ordeal of all,showering after double PE was like running a gauntlet of hate,the label of "queer","fag" coupled with my family name just left me open to a daily routine of trips,sly punches,belongings been taken and hidden,pushed,slagged and then the home time covert op of trying to out wit my tormentors by sneaking out over the wall and away down the road before they came after me.

    I darent tell anyone coz it would've only made it worse,no way was I going to give them anthing else to hate me for,darent tell my mates they have slagged the bollix out of me and sure I was safe around my own estate,it was only school that was the problem.

    But then a strange thing happened,I mentioned I love music & dance,summer of 85 and breakdance was all the rage,and I was pretty good! we had a little crew from our estate and used to head into town of a saturday and hang around the central bank,I was in my element the music the dancing the buzz ....and the girl attention (contrary to the beliefs of my tormentors,and several others at school I am straight)

    Anyway,low & behold there was a crew from the neighbouring estate that also hung around in town on saturday and I knew a few of the faces from school,in conversation one mentioned my 'school identity' and was surprised at the different me to what he'd heard and thought I was, getting to know him he schooled me on the head tormentor,that he was from a fooked up family and it was all front,the other 2 were just little weak dopes that he had easy control over,and apparently none could fight their way out of a paper bag.

    Roll on September and back to school,to cut a long story short there was team hate waiting to welcome me back,that lunchtime I'm leaving the canteen and heading to the jacks and walk straight into top dog walking out of the jacks,he pushes he and I dont know where it came from but I fooking walloped him full in the mouth,he goes flying and I go after him swinging wildly,punching him (and the floor a few times) and Im crying with fear/temper/anger/frustration until i'm dragged off by the mechanical drawing teacher (who coped for a few unitentional hits of my flapping arms).

    After that I was always ready for the hitting but atleast it was only when there was the 3 of them and only after school (on the days they'd caught up with me,had me boxed off or snuck up on me,by 3rd year the main one had given up on school and the other 2 weren't as up for a fight as in previous years,but the name calling,the laughing,the stuff been taking on me,the stuff getting wrote in the toilets about me,never stopped,I damaged me,it dampened my ambitions,it made me weary and distrusting and aggresive, it's all as fresh in my mind as though it was only yesterday, it's been 20 odd years now,would love to bump into anyone of them today.

    p.s.
    Just realised writing this out,wonder if its one of the reasons I'm so anti facebook :o ya know,not wanting to tempt fate!


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    hondasam wrote: »
    That is unbelievable, how can this happen.

    You think there would be something they could do.


    Poor kid.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    You think there would be something they could do.


    Poor kid.
    -Sept 2011 - Son starts at new school, having experienced racial bullying at previous school (very small rural school in Co Meath, Ireland)

    I find this a little worrying, are the parents partly to blame here?
    I also cannot understand the attitude of the teacher and the gardai.
    We are just getting the parents side of the story but reading that blog makes you wonder how much bullying is not taken serious.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    hondasam wrote: »
    You think there would be something they could do.


    Poor kid.
    -Sept 2011 - Son starts at new school, having experienced racial bullying at previous school (very small rural school in Co Meath, Ireland)

    I find this a little worrying, are the parents partly to blame here?
    I also cannot understand the attitude of the teacher and the gardai.
    We are just getting the parents side of the story but reading that blog makes you wonder how much bullying is not taken serious.


    Doesn't suprise me, I went to 4 different primary schools and got bullied at each one, must have had bully me tattooed on my forehead, me with my uk accent in rural co cork schools, not a good mix in the 1980s. The English were evil!



    My parents never knew I was bullied, they still don't know! We moved schools because we rented and the lease ran out. Tbh I was delighted every time.


  • Advertisement
  • Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    EarlERizer wrote: »
    I was bullied mercilessly all through secondry (and to a lesser extent throughout primary),partially because of my family name,partially because I was 'a bit soft'.

    your surname? or your family background?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    Doesn't suprise me, I went to 4 different primary schools and got bullied at each one, must have had bully me tattooed on my forehead, me with my uk accent in rural co cork schools, not a good mix in the 1980s. The English were evil!



    My parents never knew I was bullied, they still don't know! We moved schools because we rented and the lease ran out. Tbh I was delighted every time.

    You were probably a shy child and the bullies seen this. How come you did not tell your parents?


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭cynder


    hondasam wrote: »
    Doesn't suprise me, I went to 4 different primary schools and got bullied at each one, must have had bully me tattooed on my forehead, me with my uk accent in rural co cork schools, not a good mix in the 1980s. The English were evil!



    My parents never knew I was bullied, they still don't know! We moved schools because we rented and the lease ran out. Tbh I was delighted every time.

    You were probably a shy child and the bullies seen this. How come you did not tell your parents?


    Didn't tell them anything ever, at 15 I took an overdose, spent 3 days in icu only then did they know about some of the bulling, not the primary school bullying. They weren't approachable and my dad was a problem too, he was an alcoholic.

    I was shy, I'm not anymore i changed my life after my overdose.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭EarlERizer


    fryup wrote: »
    your surname? or your family background?

    My surname, a popular calendar date that was the bane of my life from the age of 9 to 18 so much so I used to tell my da (I'm ashamed to say) I hated him for having our stupid name and wishing I had my ma's maiden name or any different name than the one we have.

    Funnily enough there is another tribe of the same name (no relation)who have a somewhat coloured background and are no strangers to the local Gardai,growing up where I did the local gardai used to stop us from time to time and ask the usual "name,address,what ya doing where ya going" stuff ,and almost everytime I gave my name I'd get the raised eyebrow look and a "ah another one of them are ya" comment,at the time I never knew what they ment........there's a whole other story with this!


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,461 ✭✭✭dee.


    I dont know if I'd call it bullying because it wasn't something that happened every single day, but I did get picked on a bit in secondary school.

    First there was this guy in my year who would stare at me at any given chance, to the point that I was creeped out. One day I heard him calling me fat to some other lads in our year and they all had a giggle. I wasn't obese but I was bigger than the other girls in the class at the time. It really hurt my feelings because before that I never had a problem with how I looked (I was 13/14) anyways this happened near the summer holidays and I used it as my motivation to give myself a "makeover" during the summer.
    Lost the extra weight, got a nice hair cut, started wearing more makeup, etc. I honestly looked like a different person in September - a lot of people were calling me "the new girl" and the kid who called me fat kept giving me "the eye".

    A few years later when I was about 16 I wore a necklace with a religious medal to school (you know those strings with the little medal of Mary you get when priests come to visit the school) and this girl from my year comes over and tells me to take it off or she'll rip it off my neck...I didn't take it off and she didn't rip it off but she tried to annoy me for the next few months - calling me a freak, laughing behind my back, saying my clothes were weird etc. in fairness I was going through my emo phase so I was dressing a bit different than most 16 year old girls in rural Ireland...but anyways. I remember seeing her Bebo page and she was even bad mouthing me on there. I assumed after the necklace incident she was a (super crazy) practicing catholic but she had a baby when she was 18 with some knacker lad shes not married to..and she has been on the dole since she left school. Met her out a year or two ago and she said she missed seeing me....fake b1tch.


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 477 ✭✭davidk11811


    The principal of that school in Kells Co Meath is an absoloute imbecile. Reading that blog just frustrated me! Rediculous how that can happen.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭EarlERizer


    dee. wrote: »
    I dont know if I'd call it bullying because it wasn't something that happened every single day, but I did get picked on a bit in secondary school.

    First there was this guy in my year who would stare at me at any given chance, to the point that I was creeped out. One day I heard him calling me fat to some other lads in our year and they all had a giggle. I wasn't obese but I was bigger than the other girls in the class at the time. It really hurt my feelings because before that I never had a problem with how I looked (I was 13/14).

    It doesn't have to be an everyday occurance for it to be bullying,just reading the opening paragraphs of your post I would say you were been bullied,maybe to a lesser extent than others but to experience intimidating behaviour toward you,to be made feel uneasy,to suffer verbal taunts is clear enough a case of been bullied.

    Good on you for taking the attitude you did,in your case you won twice over,they didnt get the desired effect,quite the opposite infact and the plus for you was your own well being and health,so well done you!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,836 ✭✭✭TanG411


    Have been bullied, never recovered from it emotionally.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    I am shy and introvert. I can't keep eye contact. I find it very difficult to put my trust in people, and have never had a proper relationship.
    I'm sure you're joking but I'm not. :o:(


  • Registered Users Posts: 255 ✭✭SellingJuan


    Last year I saw a fella in 2nd year being bullied by two fellas. He told me they tried to put his head down the toilet etc. I was walking in the corridors during lunch break and the two bullies were confronting the young fella. They were a year ahead I think, I was in 5th year. Well I caught the two of them put them up against the wall and said "I would kick their heads in" blah blah etc etc if they did it again. It stopped.

    Terrible moment. A few months back I saw the very same guy I stood up for bullying a person in his year. I truly felt terrible.

    I ****ing despise bullys and when I see it happen no matter who is doing it I give them hell. I make sure they stop!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    No it was us against the teachers. I was a fat lump in school but even the coolest kids in school had time for everyone. Benefits of coming from a small town.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    I was bullied for the vast majority of my time in secondary school. Unfortunately it has sort of psychologically scarred me up until this current point in my life. At one point I ended up with a broken arm as a result purely because the issue had been building up for so long, literally years. By the time I finished secondary school; I was self concious, exceedingly antisocial and rather prone to depression. I'll be honest, I despise the individuals responsible for it (except for one who actually chose to apologise for it) and to the poster who says that many people claim that they were bullied but weren't, you don't have any right to make that evaluation... Its a draining and painful experience for the victims of it, be it psychological or physical. Although admittedly, I view myself to be of better character than those who chose to do it. ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 350 ✭✭Roadtrippin


    Bullies are very sad individuals from my point of view. If you get a kick out of putting someone else down or even worse, physically assaulting them, something is wrong with you...

    Truth of the matter is bullying is still way too common in a lot of schools and teachers do very little about it. The only comfort there is, is that in the long run, most bullies don't do that well in real life...

    While I was in secondary school I experienced a bit of bullying. Out of the three girls that bullied me, one of them dropped out and got some minimum wage, deadend job, another dropped out because of drugs, and the third one could not finish school but became a cop... Go figure.

    I wish that I knew what I know now :)

    http://theoatmeal.com/pl/senior_year/pe

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/senior_year


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,573 ✭✭✭pragmatic1


    wasislos wrote: »
    yeah bullying and isolation in childhood years will lead to a normal functioning socialable person in later years...probably will, but then you would have to discount the victims of child abuse too.
    What the fcuk are you talking about?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    Kells case
    :(
    Poor little guy...
    hondasam wrote: »
    I find this a little worrying, are the parents partly to blame here?
    How so?


  • Advertisement
  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,137 ✭✭✭44leto


    The only people that I ever had to bully were the stubborn ones who didn't just hand over their lunch money, I was such a nice guy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    Dudess wrote: »
    :(
    Poor little guy...

    How so?

    I know this will come across wrong no matter how I say it but having problems in his previous school as well, maybe the parents are over protective or to sensitive.
    I'm fully aware that a child can get bullied in different schools but then you have to look further and see where the problem is.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    hondasam wrote: »
    I know this will come across wrong no matter how I say it but having problems in his previous school as well, maybe the parents are over protective or to sensitive.
    I'm fully aware that a child can get bullied in different schools but then you have to look further and see where the problem is.

    Well the fact I was bullied in different locations and schools told me it was something to do with me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 455 ✭✭Jonah42


    I used to watch this show a lot. Hate those god darn bullies too!



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,137 ✭✭✭44leto


    I witnessed a bully get his come uppences I was in a pub having a drink with the victim of it and one of his old bullies came up to him to say hello and called him the old put down kid name.
    But he didn't seem to notice the once little guy took a stretch and became a big guy. So he stood up and "who the fukc do you think you are talking to" then whack, the old bully was absolutely ****ting himself. We left the pub, but it was worth it.

    I never got bullied, but I never bullied either.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭EarlERizer


    hondasam wrote: »
    I know this will come across wrong no matter how I say it but having problems in his previous school as well, maybe the parents are over protective or to sensitive.
    I'm fully aware that a child can get bullied in different schools but then you have to look further and see where the problem is.

    I see your point,this kid is only 10/11 and apparently has been getting hassle since starting school here,now I'm probably showing some ignorance here but surely to jaysus kids between the ages of 5-9 aren't poisoned with racist attitudes?

    However I'd have thought having read through the blog that we need look no further than the parents of the little gougers who stuck their heads in the sand when it was put to them how their kids behaviour was destroying their victim!
    I'd actually call it what it is in this case, Racism! blatant uneducated knuckle dragginig ignorant plain as the nose on your face racism! It appears that this kid has been singled out because of his colour,accent aswell as his timid nature.

    More disturbing about this particular case is the denial & wagon circling of the school & BOM.

    I'm not one to shout "racism" easily, I know there are those who will play the card when it suits which to me damages the cases of those with genuine cases,but the facts in this case are too overwhelming to be denied.

    The worry here is 1) the kid is so traumatised and feels he can no longer take the hassle and attempts suicide or 2) he develops an unhealthy hatred for 'whites' and as he gets older it manifests itself in voilent outbursts.

    Getting back to Bullying and back on topic ....

    Their was a good documentary on BBC last week where Richard Bacon delved into the problem of 'online' bullying,one of the shocking stories was of a young 12/13 year old kid who was getting picked on and threatened via farcebook and the poor kid hung himself for fear of having to face his tormentors!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 37,215 ✭✭✭✭Dudess


    No I think the kid is white South African. I don't think it's racism or xenophobia - just a problem with someone whose accent is strange.
    hondasam wrote: »
    I know this will come across wrong no matter how I say it but having problems in his previous school as well, maybe the parents are over protective or to sensitive.
    I'm fully aware that a child can get bullied in different schools but then you have to look further and see where the problem is.
    I reckon it's because you get little sh1tbags in every school who target anyone who's different and not able to defend themselves. Why would moving him to another school cause the parents to be partially to blame? He needs an education.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 34,419 ✭✭✭✭hondasam


    Dudess wrote: »
    No I think the kid is white South African. I don't think it's racism or xenophobia - just a problem with someone whose accent is strange.

    I reckon it's because you get little sh1tbags in every school who target anyone who's different and not able to defend themselves. Why would moving him to another school cause the parents to be partially to blame? He needs an education.

    Yes he needs an education but moving him to a different school all the time is not the best option for him. No one would stand by and allow their child to be bullied but parents can sometimes act on their own need to prove a point rather than what is good for the child.
    It's obvious from the blog the child was picked on and the relevant authorities did not act on it. They cannot keep moving him and claiming he is bullied in every school, there must be some nice kids in some schools.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭guitarzero


    Never bullied but felt extremely isolated throughout secondary school, every day felt like going to prison to be honest. I'll never get over how much I hated practically every day for 6 years, how I grew to hate nearly everyone as they all merged off. Its not quite bullying but it felt like my soul was being eaten out.


  • Advertisement
  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 79,829 Mod ✭✭✭✭Sephiroth_dude


    I was and it got so bad at one stage I nearly committed suicide,wish I'd had the courage to tell the **** to **** off and smack him one :mad:


Advertisement