Funny or Strange Things The Gardai have said.....

MetzgerMeister · 08-12-2011 3:51pm

Excellent idea for a thread and thankfully, one worthy of staying out of the créche :P

3 years ago when I only had the RX8 about a week, I was coming through the square in town, turned left at the top to go home. A bit after I turned onto this road, I saw the blues in my rearview mirror so I pulled in.

3 Gardai pop out, one of whom (Garda 1) says to me "you were flying down the square", to which I replied, no I wasn't (I was actually doing 40ish in a 50). The other 2 Gardai were walking around my car gawking at it and here's how the conversation went:

Garda 2: (looking at tax disc) It's a 1.8
Garda 1: No, it's a 2.6, I'm telling ya!
Garda 2: Come here and look at the fecken disc!
Garda 1: I won't, I know it's a 2.6, you're wrong.
Garda 2: David (Me), what is it?
Me: explained the whole mystery behind the rotary engine.
Garda 1: So we were both kind of right. We were arguing over it when we saw you one day and that's why we stopped you. Thanks!
Garda 3: (walking back to the squad car) Ye fecken eejits!

pudzey101 · 13-12-2011 4:01am

Haha Brilliant lads !!:) Keep em coming

Iv one i got texted there over the weekend

One me mates ran a red light (it was 4am and both ways were clear)next thing gets hauled in..
Cop: what do you do wen u see a red light?
Him: I dip her for oil mate
Cop: be on your way now !

wish all guards where the same as this lol !

seanybiker · 14-12-2011 4:24pm

One of me mates got pulled over on his scooter a few years back and the female guard was going to do him for not displaying an insurance disc and having no Nct. The male cop just told her to get back in the car and learn the rules.

roryq69 · 16-12-2011 3:37pm

Was a few years ago but i had benn given an endorsement on my lisence after an accident. A few months later i was driving home from the cinema on a friday nite and this female garda stands in the middle of the road about 50 meters in front of the squad car(that has its headlights still on) and i just see her waving this ****ty little torch at me to stop. Almost ran her over. She comes storming around to the window and starts giving me a good ear ache. When she stopped ranting i asked her if she was finished to which she replied "yes". I then told her to piss off and do something usefull like turn off her headlights(wasnt having the best of nights). She then demanded to see my lisence which i practically threw at her and upon reading it very intensly told me i shouldnt be driving with an endorsement. Told her to get off her power trip and learn the rules of the road. She went across the road to another garda and he just laughed at her. Her sergent was down the road a bit and she went to him, He took my lisence from her came up to me handed me the lisence and said " you just cant get good help anymore". Must have been her time of the month cause she's been sound ever since.

copeyhagen · 20-12-2011 3:02pm

pulled over in the r33 on the M1 on my way to armagh 2 years ago.

went by a parked up car at about 120kmh, turned out to be an unmarked garda car sitting there with lights off ect.

i copped the car pull out and come up behind me so slowed and switched lane.

bout 15 minutes later they pull me over.

i was on provisional at the time. they asked me 30 questions regarding my insurance etc. had full licence driver with me.

then he says "do you know why i pulled you over?"
me "no?"
him "the lights on the back of your car, where it says skyline is too bright"
me "your joking?"
him "nope, get it sorted"
me "ciao"

RoundItDown · 21-12-2011 2:01am

I was parked on the side of a road one night with a mate in the car waitin for a friend minding our own buisness and out of nowhere a squad car pulls up. The guard came over n i rolled the down window, first thing he says "lads was that you shoutin abuse at the prostitutes". Apparently hookers roam that street.

Another time i was in my mates car parked up the mountains and the guards show up n search the car. A female guard finds a kango drill in the boot n says "jasus i could have some fun with that thing".

Testament1 · 21-12-2011 9:25pm

RoundItDown wrote: »

Another time i was in my mates car parked up the mountains and the guards show up n search the car. A female guard finds a kango drill in the boot n says "jasus i could have some fun with that thing".

Perfect time to ask her if she enjoys a good drilling!

seanybiker · 22-12-2011 6:25am

Twin is a cop up the country.
Anyways he was going along in the squad car a few days ago and noticed 3 cars parked in disabled parking places. Two of them moved out when they seen the squad car. Brother went over to the chap that stayed. Me man was in his car rubbing his dog. Brother asked him for disabled permit. Me man said he didn't have one but his wife hurt her leg and she was doing her shopping and would be back in a few minutes. Brother said no bothers ill wait and check her disabled permit. The chap went mad and started abusing him. Yer man got fined

Storminateacup · 15-02-2012 6:09am

Years ago, when I was mad into the modified cars and the bad boys that drove em, this one Saturday night we were sitting up at an u18 disco, waitin for the boyfriends brother. I was sitting in the front seat next to the boyfriend, fooling about... DS pull in infront of him, and get out. One is trying to peer in through the tinted windows but sure could see nothing... The other one walked around to the drivers window and rapped on it. Shane rolled the window down a tiny bit - alls that were out was the whites of his eyes, so the guards staring into his eyes with 50 questions.

"I suppose you're up here tryin to get yer hole".

Shane let's the window down a little more and I wave out and the cheeky git says "Ah you're sorted ya have the mot with you" :eek:

Bearcat · 18-02-2012 7:16am

It must have been standard Garda fair to address speeding driver as Mr Schummacher all those years ago......I too was nabbed hittin it hard early one morning on the m50 and was addressed with the same line......got away with it too.

fanadman1 · 20-02-2012 2:26am

around halloween there we were stoped and searched for fireworks :L
the ban garda found a harness for a ram to mark which sheep he has covered :P i was asked what it was and when she found out befor putin it back between her finger and her thumb she pointed out that her parthner could do with it for some of the dirty yocks he bes chancein :L sound woman evan if she did seach us

Keith in cork · 05-03-2012 2:40am

Got stopped on a monday night @ 1.15am In castlemartyr. 3 of us in a vw transporter van.
Pull up to the checkpoint, garda asks

Garda :"where ye coming from at this hour
Me (smile) "you sure you want to know"
Garda (not smiling) "Don't be smart"
Me "We came up earlier tonight to buy a car with a mate, he's a subaru head so naturally he was talkin ****e with the guy he was buying the car off about equal and un-equal length headers. I got bored so did a summersault off the roof of the van into a ditch. Drove back to bandon and realised I lost me house keys so came back up"
Garda: "Did ye damage the ditch"?

yourpics · 05-03-2012 2:55am

Stopped at a checkpoint one night, Garda asks to see my licence. Gave him my licence (normal Irish drivers licence). He says "What's this?"
I didn't bother answering.

Must have been a newbie!

superstoner90 · 05-03-2012 2:44pm

yourpics wrote: »

Stopped at a checkpoint one night, Garda asks to see my licence. Gave him my licence (normal Irish drivers licence). He says "What's this?"
I didn't bother answering.

Must have been a newbie!

But you would think he would have seen a DL before. :pac:

yourpics · 05-03-2012 4:28pm

superstoner90 wrote: »

But you would think he would have seen a DL before. :pac:

Exactly! Maybe he was confussed or nervous and blurted out the wrong thing!

Pdfile · 20-03-2012 2:03am

was in my banger on the way to louth and got tugged, gaurds didn't say much, usual checks and on we went;

next day coming back in a friends Really badly kitted lancer we got tugged again ( no tax ) same gaurd and he says "jasus ye went from bad to worse, how'd ye manage that ?? "

hi soloum face had me like a bag of lego, my mates 5-6k "investment" had him freaked which made me chuckle more.

im a sucker for dry humour

4wd · 23-04-2012 3:20pm

in this time of unpresidented crime i got stoped in rathmines by two big counrty ban gardas and told i could not drive with tinted windows depsite my ole friends in the nct passing the car 2 week previous

i wound down the four glasses asked under what heading of the road traffic act she was quoteing from to which she had no responce**************

silly cow learn the law befor u try to enforce it

JimmyCrackCorn · 24-04-2012 1:53am

4wd wrote: »

in this time of unpresidented crime i got stoped in rathmines by two big counrty ban gardas and told i could not drive with tinted windows depsite my ole friends in the nct passing the car 2 week previous

i wound down the four glasses asked under what heading of the road traffic act she was quoteing from to which she had no responce*************

silly cow learn the law befor u try to enforce it

As it is an indication of a possible illegal action and in order to comply with the rules of the forum i have to edit the post.

Can you please read the forum rules and understand that boards.ie needs to be squeaky clean. I understand it may fly on other forums but not here.

Please read the rules before you cause a mod to have an embolism.

TheDoc · 04-05-2012 1:03pm

Nothing outragous like some of the posts above

But years ago were sitting on my mates car having a chipper and an unmarked car roaming around pulled in beside us and searched us and the car for drugs. We never touched drugs but at that age were just nervy

While the fella rooted around the car two of us were hands out over the bonnet and she was doing the pat down and checking pockets.

As she was searching my mate she grabbed a hold of something and asked "whats that!" to which my mate kinda pushed himself of the bonnet and embarrasingly replied " well , me you know what"

"I wont ask again what was that"

After a few seconds of awkwardness she finally coped on that while she was searching him she'd caused him to get a bit excited....

She got a bit flustered and was apologising and that she didnt know and the male guard was having a bit of a laugh. We all agreed we would forget it and just move on

Of course my mate still goes on about how he got a tug from a Guard....

Sempai · 04-05-2012 1:21pm

During the foot and mouth at the border, Garda was on duty and it was raining heavy. Young Driver came up to the checkpoint and opened his window ever so slightly.
Garda: Can I see you licence?
Driver - Hands it through the gap on the window.
Garda: Can you open your boot please?
Driver - Presses a button to open the boot.
Garda checks it and all is ok.
Garda: Now sir, do you have a button to close the boot? ...and walks off

Funny or Strange Things The Gardai have said.....

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