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What is important for you in a relationship

2

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  • Registered Users Posts: 936 ✭✭✭Fentdog84


    No the interests thing wouldnt be an issue for me as long as she wouldnt be complaining about the things that Im interested in. Ive no problem with girlie girls as long as its not OTT or annoying. Not really into girls who like doing the same things as guys too much- I mean, a girl who knows more about football than me I would find that a turn off tbh. other things i would look for is just basically to like the person and get on with the person, most of the time.Everything else just kinda sorts itself out after that I think.


  • Registered Users Posts: 441 ✭✭Rich11


    sex:pac:..................... hold on this isnt "after hours":rolleyes:


  • Registered Users Posts: 11,698 ✭✭✭✭Princess Peach


    I was thinking about this a little and maybe if you have this "ideal partner" idea it is hard to find them then.

    Just thinking of some of the things about my boyfriend I would have said before we met weren't what I ideally wanted. He's a bit older, he lived far away, he's not much of a party guy, he doesn't like Star Wars or Star Trek, he's not blonde!

    Had I thought about this I probably wouldn't have given him much a chance you know. And I'm so so glad I did. There's no problem having ideas of who you want, but you should always be open to new people, cause it could turn out great!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,605 ✭✭✭OakeyDokey


    For me there has to be a little physical attraction but saying that I mainly have ended up with people that I don't fancy when I meet first. I've been friends first, I don't like a relationship to go fast I love the whole "dating" period because I get to know them.

    I think everyone likes to meet people with similar interests and goals as themselves but I wouldn't shun a lad for being different, I love the first few months when you can really get to know a person.

    When I'm in a relationship I make sure that communication is good between us, I'd hate not to be able to talk to a person. Trust is also an important aspect and it's hard to have trust in someone without communication.

    I think date nights are perfect to keep it fresh after a few years. One day a month to go out and do something together :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 741 ✭✭✭swapple


    I was thinking about this a little and maybe if you have this "ideal partner" idea it is hard to find them then.

    Had I thought about this I probably wouldn't have given him much a chance you know. And I'm so so glad I did. There's no problem having ideas of who you want, but you should always be open to new people, cause it could turn out great!

    Completely agree with this! OP; don't try to find a particular type of girl -
    take people as they come; not all girly girls are the same! One could surprise you someday ;)

    As far as my ideals go, I hadn't really defined a set list of qualities I was looking for in a significant other, at least not when I met mine.
    But based on previous 'preferences', I just wanted a guy who gets me and my sense of humour, and isn't too uptight!

    The boyfriend has definitely matched these ideas. Also, since meeting him, I have had a significant boost of confidence (probably not hugely noticeable to outsiders, but I'm normally a bit of a socially awkward penguin!). My friends actually like him too, which is really unusual! Not saying that it's a 'requirement', but it's just nice not to have to worry about bf and friends hanging out and wondering if they'll get along! :rolleyes:

    In previous relationships, I felt that I always came second to something, or I simply wasn't good enough, so now to be with someone who is actually glad to be with me is rather odd... but kind of wonderful!

    Most importantly he makes me quite happy, and vice versa; what more could you ask for :)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Ya but ye are both lovely in fairness!


  • Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    Someone who can be my best friend with all that entails. Looks never were a big thing. I've always ended up with men who were average looking but as they won me over with their personality they became the sexiest guys around.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,820 ✭✭✭grames_bond


    swapple wrote: »
    Most importantly he makes me quite happy, and vice versa; what more could you ask for :)

    This this one million times this!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,329 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Before I'd have a long check list but now think its meaningless. The ideal person might be different from what you think is your ideal or type of person. You might have a certain look or type you go for that's fine maybe for some aspects of a person but not the be it and end all other things can come into consideration too. What you think is your ideal might not be your ideal at all that your ideal could be someone else!? Though I do try to be a little bit more open I am a tad bit fussy though not to the extreme.

    1. For me I suppose personality wins out hands down! If someone hasn't a personality I gel with or find it hard to talk to them or if they are too loud or too quiet that would be a no brainer! I need to be able to have a conversation with someone, be my friend and understand each other. Though not ruling out that opposites attract.

    2. Sense of humour be another thing, the guy would have to have a similar sense of humour to me or at least be funny but not insult to be funny. Can have a laugh and the banter but there is such a thing as crossing the line when acting the maggot or insults people for a laugh that would be a no no for me. Immaturity not my thing.

    3. A reasonable education and someone I could have an intellectual conversation with and is mature for ones age. Poor conversation or not clicking with someone that would raise a few flags for me. Job wise not a major thing as I understand what the situation is in Ireland but as long as they are happy or have a job I don't mind what ever it is, money and status means nothing too me. Just reasonable standard is enough for me. Though I draw the line if someone hasn't done the leaving though, and that perhaps they at least tried 3rd level though not for everyone that's fine some aren't suited to it. Just that education is very important to me. A trier is better than a doer if you got motivation and ambition I am yours!

    4. Say when it come to values and interests it would be important to share similar things and views but not everything its ok to be a little different. That what make that person unique to me, have something talk about and share but that they have their own kind of thing going on independent of me and own space and vice versa for me too. If its the the extreme opposite as in polar opposite then I don't know, I wouldn't like being total opposite in everything as we could end up clashing, some things is ok though like yin yang kinda thing. Compatibility to an extent in most things and areas be important.

    5. Looks and attraction be last on my list not the most important or be it and end all but important at the same time. A certain level of attraction. I wouldn't go out with someone if there isn't something there and he feels the same way about me. If its one sided then it won't work. He doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous, once I fancy and like guys who are average-above average looking and I am ok with that. There is such a thing as being realistic!
    Though anything else to happen then physical attraction and chemistry need to go hand in hand if its one or the other could make or break. I cannot separate sex from love.

    Though I go for certain looks, types and style I suppose and attracted to certain guys over others. I cannot help it who I fancy and don't fancy. Though don't fancy someone straight away, like them yes but until I get to know them will I start to fancy them. Looks is minor, nice too look at, cute, easy on the eye that's ok. More Irish he is the better! ;) I know that's a bit narrow minded I only like Irish guys but find I am more attracted to them than say the likes of really handsome guys like Enrique Iglesias. Same goes for younger guys I'm more attracted to them than older ones. I like a style or look that suits a guy. If he has sense of style that doesn't suit him then no if it does then grand.

    It be important to have a life outside the relationship too very very important. Its like living at home I feel I am married to my mother sometimes and that weighs me down. I'm not her husband but feels like that. Then again its the adult child-parent situation and its difficult so from a partner point of view I'd understand what its like to need personal space and live your own live outside a relationship otherwise you tire of the relationship and get sick of each others company if you are with each other too much and living in each others pockets, its not healthy. Which in fact can lead to poor communication, break down of communication, doing our own thing without each other more so, and lack of a secure relationship where you don't confide in each other. If we change then we drift apart then.

    Its important we grow together but grow outside too but not too much that we distance each other if that happens then no point in the relationship continuing.

    Though happiness with someone is probably close to the top too for me. After that friendship, communication, loyalty, honesty, trust, compromise, give and take, openness and compatibly.


  • Registered Users Posts: 456 ✭✭Dubhlinner


    Has to be of similar intelligence to me.

    Has to have similar social concepts. ie agree on what is acceptable socially and in relationships.

    Has to find same tye of humour funny

    Things like interests and music not so important but can be a bonus. With current girlfriend for example it would be cool if she was more interested in politics but it doesnt matter overall as she often doesn't get humour related to politics but overall not an issue


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,249 ✭✭✭MaroonAndGreen


    I dont know if I have a particular type of girl I'd go for.

    Need to be attracted to them and think they are good looking etc but thats not much when it comes to being right for a relationship like..

    I'd want someone who I could be 100% myself with and they would like me being 100% myself. Someone who is caring and would make an effort and someone that isnt just thinking about themselves.. ( they would understand my feelings too )

    But you dont find out these things rightly until you get to properly know someone!


  • Registered Users Posts: 110 ✭✭mcmacness


    I always end up going for the same types of guys, I think I have a Florence Nightingale complex or something. If he has depression, or a drug problem or any kind of problem in life, that seems to be the guy that I end up with, always thinking that I can improve things for them or make their lives better. It doesn't work.

    What I'd like now is a guy thats nice, intelligent, down to earth, with a sense of humour and that's willing to make an effort to accomodate me as well as himself. I think it's important that the person you're with makes an effort with your friends and family too, I've always made an effort in that respect in past relationships.

    I also think it's important for me now to be with someone with similar goals. Or someone that's career oriented, that wants to be successful, not just in monetary terms, but that isn't idle. I have a habit of treating the person I'm with even when it's not reciprocated so I guess I would like to be with someone generous or at least appreciative.

    Most importantly for me when the next guy comes along he may have a hard time convincing me that its worth it. My confidence and faith in relationships has been severely knocked recently so I reckon getting to know the person over a longer period of time would be important to me this time around, because you think you might already know that person but it might not be the case.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 47 issem


    Mental stability, a trait that is often overlooked by men as we live in a country where it's very hard to find a woman who has it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Mental stability is something that is increasingly rare in both genders in our increasingly narcissistic society. However, you're right, mental stability is all to often overlooked or not properly diagnosed until you find yourself tied to someone who turns out to have borderline personality disorder.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    issem wrote: »
    Mental stability, a trait that is often overlooked by men as we live in a country where it's very hard to find a woman who has it.

    Jesus. What a statement.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 74 ✭✭Out Of The Night


    Trust
    Able to talk for hours about everything and anything
    Intelligence
    chemistry


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    Two things I have learnt:

    1) You can't force something that doesn't feel right, no matter how much you want things to work.

    2) You have to have patience, don't make a decision that something isn't going to work based on 1 or 2 dates.

    Attractiveness is key but not necessarily linked to looks, I was mad about someone in college who others wouldn't class as a looker but jesus, when she walked into a room she lit it up. If there is a good rapport, if you feel comfortable in someone's company and if they make your day infinitely better by just seeing them....then anything can happen. :)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    Sense of humour. Gotta be able to laugh at yourself and make me laugh.

    Intelligence.

    That's about it really. If things get serious with someone, trust and loyalty and all that is obviously necessary, but in general someone you can just have a laugh with and enjoy their company is good.




  • If I had to pick the one most important thing in my relationship with the girls it would be "communication" every time. The entire relationship is based on open, honest and frequent communication. Of course all the other things have to be there - trust, attraction, interest and more - but I can not identify a single factor more important - or even close - than communication.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    Mental stability is something that is increasingly rare in both genders in our increasingly narcissistic society. However, you're right, mental stability is all to often overlooked or not properly diagnosed until you find yourself tied to someone who turns out to have borderline personality disorder.

    I was close to someone who I could only describe as being borderline even if she was never technically diagnosed. It's not fun, and I'm still feeling the effects to this day.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    I was close to someone who I could only describe as being borderline even if she was never technically diagnosed. It's not fun, and I'm still feeling the effects to this day.
    No it's not and it can not only cause your own life incredible damage, but even destroy the lives of people around you and such people often are able to mask it (along with our tendency to turn a blind eye) during the 'honeymoon period' of a relationship, making is even more dangerous.

    However, as I said, this is something that is increasingly found in both genders.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 833 ✭✭✭snafuk35


    Why would anyone want to be in a 'real-hate-shun-ship'?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    snafuk35 wrote: »
    Why would anyone want to be in a 'real-hate-shun-ship'?
    Some people would be miserable if they weren't unhappy and actively seek abusing relationships.

    Others don't realize until it's too late; they're living together, or an unplanned pregnancy takes place or whatever. It's easy not to see the wood for the trees at the start of a relationship, partially because everyone tries to hide their flaws but also because we can be blind to the flaws of others at the start.

    Eventually you may realize you're in a 'real-hate-shun-ship' but by then extracting yourself can become very difficult.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,820 ✭✭✭grames_bond


    I'll just leave this here!!

    36566_393764920664336_160089637365200_1113663_245321186_n.jpg

    :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    swiftmcJ wrote: »
    I'm interested in getting opinions on something.

    1st, what is it you look for in a woman (or man), for a relationship.

    2nd, if you're in a relationship, does your partner match up to the ideas you had before the relationship?

    Me, I'm 25 and have not ever had a gf. Ya its a strange one. but I don't think I'm a quasimodo. Maybe I'm too picky - I want a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc. I get bored with real girly girls, like my friends gfs, I dont see what they can talk about all the time when theyre alone.

    But my mates have said that they felt the same as me before meeting their gfs. They think that theyre not compromising now, but of course they are?

    Maybe what I'm looking for is a buddy, but in hot female format. Does such a thing even exist! Maybe I don't no what Im looking for, til I'll find it?

    Curious to know others experiences, whether yer opinions maybe changed ovr the yrs, and so on.

    It sound like you are looking for a girl with the personality, interest, mind etc of a guy. IMO this doesn't exist or if it does it will be near impossible to find.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel
    You think that sounds like "the mind of a guy" and "is impossible to find"? I don't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,207 ✭✭✭jaffacakesyum


    God yeah, us women never have things like interest in music or travel or humour. We're all too busy getting our hair and nails and tan done :rolleyes:




  • Given the girls I am going out with I met _through_ pre gig meetups for the music I like and got talking to them on the subject of things like walking in the wicklow way which they were also into it seems I found some that are into the same - how did the OP put it - "my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc.". Also whilst engaged in such music - hobbies - walks and travel I also meet many other people of that type male and female.

    Perhaps the OPs problem is not that such girls do not exist but his current method of meeting girls is one that turns up the wrong type. Certainly declaring such girls do not exist - or are even rare - appears somewhat baseless to me.

    My advice to the OP would simply be to become more and more involved in the things that interest him - especially social outlets for such things - and finding girls into the same things will sort itself out in time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,264 ✭✭✭mood


    Given the girls I am going out with I met _through_ pre gig meetups for the music I like and got talking to them on the subject of things like walking in the wicklow way which they were also into it seems I found some that are into the same - how did the OP put it - "my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc.". Also whilst engaged in such music - hobbies - walks and travel I also meet many other people of that type male and female.

    Perhaps the OPs problem is not that such girls do not exist but his current method of meeting girls is one that turns up the wrong type. Certainly declaring such girls do not exist - or are even rare - appears somewhat baseless to me.

    My advice to the OP would simply be to become more and more involved in the things that interest him - especially social outlets for such things - and finding girls into the same things will sort itself out in time.
    bluewolf wrote: »
    You think that sounds like "the mind of a guy" and "is impossible to find"? I don't.

    Sorry but I read your post quickly and assumed you meant into football etc. As the above poster has said spending time pursuing you interest may lead to meeting someone. Join some clubs etc.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    RopeDrink wrote: »
    Ultimately, and in as casual a manner as possible, I wager I'll probably be alone for a very long time to be honest... But having said that, if I really wanted to change that I suppose I could with some effort... But yeah, guess thats one of those little mental instabilities.

    If that's the case, and as you said, I think that would be down to people with a lack of patience or who misunderstand you. You don't sound mentally unstable. Perhaps complicated, but I can relate to that. ;)

    When I think of someone who is mentally unstable in a relationship, I think of someone who is cold. Someone who will cut off their nose to spite their face, just so they don't have to face up to their problems and guilt. One person I was once involved with cut me off completely even though she was the one who wronged me. She said that she did this because she couldn't stand the guilt of what she had done, so she pretended that I didn't exist.

    Fast forward a year and I extended an olive branch, things were fine...until I said some things I could have worded better with a few on me. All of a sudden I was the biggest bastard alive, evil personified, deleted from FB. The reality was that while I did something that was wrong, it paled in comparison to what she did to me.

    But it goes back to the point I made originally, I don't think she could get over what originally happened, so once she got a chance, she ran with it and demonised me in order to ease her own pain.

    That's what I mean when I say mental instability.


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