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Deal Breaker in a Relationship

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,697 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Dealbreakers: rudeness, impatience, arrogance, insensitivity, proneness to any kind of aggression, emotional immaturity, low self-worth, lack of intelligence, lying, cheating, snideness, selfishness, lack of physical attraction, effeminate demeanor, delusional personality (religious etc.)... I'm sure there are many others but it's late and this will do...

    Alas, a good man is hard to find. IME

    (Also, a hard man is good to find.) (tee-hee)


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    Ambition...haha - I´d never look for this in a partner. People with no ambition are extremely rare. Too much ambition would be instakill for me.

    Dealbreakers before getting into a relationship? ... making sexist/racist jokes (any jokes that mock vulnerable people etc) - as well as sexist/racist/elitist attitudes. He´d have to really believe in equality, and be very compassionate.

    I believe in equality, its why I make fun of everyone.

    for me, someone who does drugs would be up there, not the odd smoke or whatever, that wouldnt bother me, but someone who spends weekends off their tits on pills or coke, instaturnoff.

    someone with no sense of humour, or who takes offence, or even worse, fake offence, to everything, and who can't poke fun at themselves.

    overly religious, wouldnt work.

    someone with crappy taste in stuff I like :pac:


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years now and one of the deal breakers that she had to get over is my habit of going out to get groceries and instead coming back with some rare/obscure film or toy. As I tell her, someday she will send me out for the basics with out last 20 euro and I'll come home with magic beans.

    For me a deal breaker would be someone who won't put in that lil bit more effort to make sure that something they are working on is great. I really can't stand people who will start something and only give it the bare minimum.

    like this :pac:



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,390 ✭✭✭The Big Red Button


    Independence is a big one for me. For example, I would find it VERY difficult to date someone who still lives at home.

    Self-confidence ... I like a guy to be able to be himself, and know what he wants, and not care too much about other peoples' opinions of him, e.g. what his friends think, etc. Someone who can is openminded and can take on board advice and opinions, but who has confidence in their own beliefs and ideals.

    I can't ever see myself dating anyone religious. I just can't understand that mindset, and anyways it would cause all sorts of problems long-term.

    I couldn't date a workaholic. Been there, done that, never again! I'd much prefer someone who works to live, rather than vice versa.

    A bit of a shallow one :o But I don't think I'd date someone shorter than me. (I'm only a shortarse myself though, so that's an easy one!)

    I don't think I'd date someone involved in drugs. Never done them myself, and it's just not something I'd want to be involved with. (Smoking and drinking are fine!)

    Jealous, possessive, controlling guys are the biggest turn-off in the world to me. I've never been involved in that sort of a relationship, but I've seen friends who have, and it's scary! I'd run a mile if I ever saw a sign of any of that sort of crap. It just shows a complete lack of trust and respect, in my opinion.

    Other than that ... It's all about this mysterious "spark" that everyone talks about. If that's not there, then no matter how perfect the person is on paper, there's no point in trying to force a connection that doesn't exist!


  • Posts: 15,814 ✭✭✭✭ Zechariah Inexpensive Vent


    krudler wrote: »

    She just reminded me of the time I went out to get milk, bread, tea bags, chocolate and some beer and came back with a J Rocc vinyl, an ealy B.o.B mixtape and nothing else.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,691 ✭✭✭JimmyCrackCorn


    Heavy drinker is a no no.
    Someone who moans and moans rather than does something about a problem.
    Lack of drive or ambition.

    A willy :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    My dealbreakers in no particular order.

    1. Someone who wants kids
    2. Religious to any degree, I am tired of having to explain why I don't agree with their beliefs.
    3. Doesn't like Star Trek / Star Wars
    4. Wants to change me - "stop playing that console etc"
    5. Bigots. Enough said.
    6. Cheaters - or someone who has had a relationship with a married man.

    However the worst dealbreaker I ever hit was when I was in a bar with a girlfriend and her best mate having a drink when her "boyfriend" from the young-IRA strolled in with all his mates. This was not a good night, needless to say it was the last time I went out with her. Worst and longest night - and will leave it at that.

    Edit:
    Smoker / Druggie - immediate nope. Have ended relationships in the past for this, not a single regret especially seeing these folk 20 yrs later. Amazing how some folk age when abusing their bodies so much.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,512 ✭✭✭BigDuffman


    Noisey eaters..absolute no no for me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    i actually couldnt go out with someone who doesnt like console games!
    id like someone to play the 360 with me sometimes :o


  • Administrators Posts: 53,127 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭awec


    This post has been deleted.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,820 ✭✭✭grames_bond


    I have 2 mega bug bears:

    1) someone who is overly clingy
    2) someone who cheats

    I was in a relationship with a girl who would text about 7 million times a day (the girl would go through 20 euro credit in a few hours) and if I didn't reply within a minute I would either get another text or I "didn't care enough about her".

    It's an insecurity I know but it was just too much, one day I was out with the folks and was told to "get off your f*cking phone" - so I told the gf I would talk to her later....at that stage she "got lonely".....and number 2 above happened!

    she was a c*nt! (suppose that could be number 3 - "someone who is a c*nt")


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    awec wrote: »
    What's embarrassing about that? :)

    If that's what you like to do, it's what you like to do.

    i dunno maybe because its not that much of a girly thing to do haha :o




  • I've been thinking about this recently and the deal-breakers for me would be:

    Drugs - while I don't mind hash as such, it's not entirely for me, but any sort of hardcore drug use would be definite walk-away material

    Smokers - I'm a non-smoker, hate the way it smells, tastes when you kiss someone and how it leaves your room feeling afterwards.

    Party-Girls/heavy-drinkers - I have no problem going out and getting drunk sometimes, but I wouldn't like to date someone for whom it was a pretty regular thing.

    Messy people - I'm generally a neat person and it would really bother me if the person I was seeing was overly messy. I don't mind clothes thrown around the place, but like say if a cup of half-drunken tea was still there a week after the person had last drank from it. Then it gets a little silly.

    Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

    People who are stuck in their ways - OK, I love trying new things. Whatever it may be, I love experiencing them. It would annoy me if someone wasn't at least a bit adventurous as well.


  • Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ Nevaeh Loose Bug


    Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

    This is definitely one of my pet hates too. I know the "never judge a book" saying is a cliche but it's true. I would also never judge someone on someone else's experience of them.

    And in agreement with some other posts, I would never ever be friends with or go out with a racist or a bigot. End of.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭KamiKazeKitten


    Off the top of my head:

    Clingy people - I need my space dammit!

    Smokers - I just hate the smell of it, it sticks everywhere.

    People who get jealous easily - I am a flirt, I admit it. Specially when I've been drinking... Usually I just don't even realise I'm doing it, so the guy would have to not get jealous easily. :o

    Overly religious - because I can see some brilliant rows starting then.

    Kind of on the same level intellectually - I'm no genius, but I did go out with a pretty but dumb guy once, never again! Oh, and banter. Gotta be able to banter!


  • Registered Users Posts: 849 ✭✭✭celticcrash


    I've been thinking about this recently and the deal-breakers for me would be:

    Drugs - while I don't mind hash as such, it's not entirely for me, but any sort of hardcore drug use would be definite walk-away material

    Smokers - I'm a non-smoker, hate the way it smells, tastes when you kiss someone and how it leaves your room feeling afterwards.

    Party-Girls/heavy-drinkers - I have no problem going out and getting drunk sometimes, but I wouldn't like to date someone for whom it was a pretty regular thing.

    Messy people - I'm generally a neat person and it would really bother me if the person I was seeing was overly messy. I don't mind clothes thrown around the place, but like say if a cup of half-drunken tea was still there a week after the person had last drank from it. Then it gets a little silly.

    Judgmental people - this really bothers me. I try and give everyone a chance, until they do something really wrong to me. But I hate people who judges someone straight away.

    People who are stuck in their ways - OK, I love trying new things. Whatever it may be, I love experiencing them. It would annoy me if someone wasn't at least a bit adventurous as well.

    Your a whole contradiction in yourself.:D


  • Registered Users Posts: 30,746 ✭✭✭✭Galvasean


    I did go out with a pretty but dumb guy once,

    Hey! :mad:

    j/k, but I agree that intelligence is a big deal for me. I adore an intelligent woman. I'm no genius myself (I still cant figure pout magnets), but any potential partner for me needs to have something substantial going on between the ears.


  • Posts: 25,611 ✭✭✭✭ Manuel Little Apparel


    BigDuffman wrote: »
    Noisey eaters..absolute no no for me.

    I was gonna say that but thought it would be a bit too petty.




  • Your a whole contradiction in yourself.:D

    How so?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭KamiKazeKitten


    Galvasean wrote: »
    Hey! :mad:

    Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

    Dead serious by the way, the one lonely brain cell in his head had enough to be doing without taking sarcasm out for a test drive too. :P


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  • Registered Users Posts: 9,820 ✭✭✭grames_bond


    Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

    that is just cause to drop kick him down a flight of stairs!

    simples!


  • Registered Users Posts: 51,342 ✭✭✭✭That_Guy


    Hehe, unless you've ever said anything along the lines of "I'm so glad I met you...most people I meet out are from the Northside" then I think you're safe enough.

    Legend tbh. :pac:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,905 ✭✭✭✭Handsome Bob


    I've seen a few mention ambition and to be frank, I couldn't give a fcuk. If you enjoy what you do and you're happy, then it's all good.

    It'd drive me mad to be with someone obsessed with climbing the ladder, or worse, nagging me to climb the ladder. :eek: :pac:

    Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    I've seen a few mention ambition and to be frank, I couldn't give a fcuk. If you enjoy what you do and you're happy, then it's all good.

    It'd drive me mad to be with someone obsessed with climbing the ladder, or worse, nagging me to climb the ladder. :eek: :pac:

    Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.
    For me lack of ambition would be doing a general 9-5 and not caring, never interested in going anywhere with it, developing yourself with it, no particular goals... just getting by
    that's purely on a career level, which it doesn't have to be
    I don't know how to put it :D

    I'd say for me, it would have to be someone with a general appetite for life, doing things, going places, learning things, and so on


  • Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ Nevaeh Loose Bug


    Maybe I'm misconstruing what ambition means though.

    It means something different for everyone, there's no definitive answer.
    For some it's a career thing, for others, as bluewolf said, it's a general appetite for life.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 724 ✭✭✭Northclare


    For me I think I need someone who is very independent easy on the eye, a good laugh, forgiving, LOL especially when their is a fly hatch on the local river and all I have is tunnel vision and need to get my line wet.

    Someone who doesn't mind getting her hands dirty in the garden or can rough it out in the open.

    I would be more into the artistic creative boho chic type.

    And being clingy is a no no


  • Administrators Posts: 53,127 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭awec


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,255 ✭✭✭✭Esoteric_


    Deal breakers for me -

    1. Drug use. I don't care if they smoke weed now and then, but any more and it's too much for me. I've tried enough drugs to know I want nothing to do with them.

    2. Wanting kids. I don't want them so I don't think a man who wants kids is a good match for me.

    3. Clingy. I used to not mind clingy people, til I met one of my more recent exes. 4 days in and I was getting 300 texts a day, being told he loved me (it's 4 fcuking days, you don't even know me!!) and to this day (4 months since I dumped him) I'm getting messages about how much he loves me and he can't be friends because he can't stand the thought of another man holding me. :rolleyes:

    4. Aggressive. I dated aggressive men and never again.


    Aside from that, I just want someone funny, intelligent, who can laugh at themselves and put up with my sarcasm. I don't care if they drink or smoke. I drink around once a fortnight usually, but if they're teetotal, that's cool. I'm slowly coming off the smokes (down to 2 a day from 25), but if they smoke, that's fine. I want someone I can laugh with, but also have a decent conversation with. I've only been in a relationship with one person who was honestly on my level of intelligence (I'm not saying I'm super-smart, I've just dated some bloody morons), and it was so refreshing.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,512 ✭✭✭BigDuffman


    I was gonna say that but thought it would be a bit too petty.

    Nothing petty about it! Its is rude and maddening. Someone that eats like a horse trying to eat an apple through a letter box is just disturbing.

    Close your mouth when you chew, do not smack your lips together and for the love of god if you have to eat with your mouth open try not violently exhale whilst making the om nom nom noises.


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  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 4,643 Mod ✭✭✭✭Daisies


    Daisies wrote: »
    Biggest thing for me is someone who doesn't take life too seriously, ambition would need to be there, but someone who realises that life is for living. Someone fun. I need fun! Someone who laughs a lot. There are probably other subconscious things that I'm unaware of but that's my biggest one :)

    +1. I want someone I can have fun with.Someone who can make me laugh when I think I'd never be able to smile again.

    Smoking actually makes me think a lot more about getting into a relationship with someone.It's not an instant deal breaker but everything else would have to be in his favour.

    I've thought a bit more about it and I've a few things to add

    Arrogance: self confidence is good, thinking they are the shizzle is not.I find it an instant turn off!

    Ignorance: whether it manifests itself as racism,sexism etc it's a big NO.

    Drugs: Again, an instant no.

    God I'm starting to sound awful picky!


This discussion has been closed.
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