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Dating over 40

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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    According to Padraig O Morain in todays' Irish Times:



    Linky
    I find that so sad but I don't think it tells us how many co-habiting but I do know of at least three women in their sixties that are now alone and the case of all three it was because they had to look of a parent or prevented marrying by a parent.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Galen wrote: »
    I find that so sad but I don't think it tells us how many co-habiting but I do know of at least three women in their sixties that are now alone and the case of all three it was because they had to look of a parent or prevented marrying by a parent.

    That's very sad.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    One is now the Irish version of the cat-lady out of 'The Simpsons' :-)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16 Probably


    Any women in their 40s into dating guys in their 20s or is that a myth?

    Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,876 ✭✭✭Spread


    I don't think I'd like to be in a relationship with a woman that was 30 years older than me :D


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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    I don't think I'd like to be in a relationship with a man that was 20 years older than me! :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    Probably wrote: »
    Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.
    I remember reading in one of the Sunday papers a few months ago of a married couple who are 24yrs apart - he's 50 she's 74 - they met when he was 18 and he did all the chasing - they're still happily married. So there's hope for us all lol


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Here's a really interesting article both about the internet dating business, and about people's attitudes on ID sites.
    unscrupulous site operators sometimes stuff their databases with fake profiles maintained either by their own staff or by people they have paid. These “ghosts”, in the industry’s jargon, are used to draw in new punters and to help keep existing ones hooked.
    the sites treat human beings as if they are goods that can be fully defined according to a set of standard attributes, in much the same way that, say, a digital camera can be described by the number of megapixels that it has and other characteristics. But this cold, drearily functional approach to assessing compatibility fails to capture the indefinable spark that triggers romance.

    Memo to self :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    Here's a really interesting article both about the internet dating business, and about people's attitudes on ID sites.


    Memo to self :D
    1: stick to new members, because it's true about these ghost accounts.
    2: most of us should be used to being treated as goods with Facebook and Google lol


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    I've been busy researching! This is alas true.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,108 ✭✭✭Jellybaby1


    I've been busy researching! This is alas true.

    Ick!


  • Registered Users Posts: 124 ✭✭Smashhits


    Probably wrote: »
    Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.

    I've recently gone online dating and I'm 39, all I seem to get are guys in their 20's. I just can't seem to bring myself to actually meet them....my son is nearly that age. It's the ewww factor!


  • Registered Users Posts: 454 ✭✭Italia


    Hi,

    MOD EDIT: Snipped dating info.

    I've been out of the dating game for so long (over 28yrs) that I have no idea of even how to start. I've looked at dating sites, but TBH, they frighten the crap out of me.
    Any suggestions?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,631 ✭✭✭✭OldGoat


    Folk, please remember that we are here to discuss dating sites not to provide a dating service.

    I'm older than Minecraft goats.



  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Italia wrote: »
    I've been out of the dating game for so long (over 28yrs) that I have no idea of even how to start. I've looked at dating sites, but TBH, they frighten the crap out of me.
    Any suggestions?

    What is it about the dating sites that's scarey? Is it the idea of meeting people, or the idea of starting a relationship?
    Are you a woman or a man?
    What about joining something social, rather than jumping into dating, while you build up your confidence as a single person. There was a long dating thread on a different forum but it's locked now, but anyway I think there is a big difference between dating in your 20s and 30s looking for a partner, and being over 40 - most of us are financially sorted out/have our lives sorted out to a large extent and probably don't want (any more) kids.
    Or would you like to hear a few stories - remembering the stories are generally going to be the memorable who are usually the exceptional ones.


  • Registered Users Posts: 454 ✭✭Italia


    Last time I looked, I was still a man :p.

    I can't put my finger on it. My EX did a real hatchet job on me. Its taken a while but now I feel I'm open to the idea of meeting new people and very open to the idea of a new relationship (i'm not the 'stay alone' type).
    I suppose my misgivings have something to do with the fact that I've been out of the game for so long that I have no idea of the etiquette needed these days.

    For example, what is an appropriate age gap (I'm 53)? Is a range from 40-50 appropriate? Is it expected for me to pick her up or do we meet at the venue? This sort of stuff....

    I don't want more kids - mine are grown up or just about there and they are more than enough for me to handle. Financially?...well let me just say that thanks to my ex, I'll have to work until I'm 85 or thereabouts just to be able to go on pension.
    What is it about the dating sites that's scarey? Is it the idea of meeting people, or the idea of starting a relationship?
    Are you a woman or a man?
    What about joining something social, rather than jumping into dating, while you build up your confidence as a single person. There was a long dating thread on a different forum but it's locked now, but anyway I think there is a big difference between dating in your 20s and 30s looking for a partner, and being over 40 - most of us are financially sorted out/have our lives sorted out to a large extent and probably don't want (any more) kids.
    Or would you like to hear a few stories - remembering the stories are generally going to be the memorable who are usually the exceptional ones.


  • Registered Users Posts: 27,939 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    On the question of where to meet and do you pick someone up, I thought the accepted wisdom was that you meet in a neutral venue where there are other people and that for both your sakes you do not get into a situation where one is in the other's car on the first date.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Italia wrote: »
    I suppose my misgivings have something to do with the fact that I've been out of the game for so long that I have no idea of the etiquette needed these days.

    Yes, arrange to meet in a public place - a cafe, or bar, or restaurant. Cinema is NOT appropriate LOL! Preferably somewhere you can stay longer if you like each other, but can leave after one drink/coffee if you can't stand each other.

    Be polite, regard it as a first meeting so not really appropriate to ask questions that are too personal. Don't be nervous, you are both just meeting if to see if you get on and or find each other attractive. Arrange to meet one person a week or so, and read their profile before you meet up.

    Many people are too shy to meet and so end up emailling for long durations, often building up a totally false picture of the other person in their mind. Others want to phone.
    Italia wrote: »
    For example, what is an appropriate age gap (I'm 53)? Is a range from 40-50 appropriate? Is it expected for me to pick her up or do we meet at the venue? This sort of stuff....

    If 40 is your minimum and 50 your maximum, yes. If you are 53, would her age 55 put you right off, if she was right in every other way? If you fix your settings the 55 year old may not be able to contact you. So I'd be fairly broad in the age range and other specifications.


  • Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭velosolex


    I have tried POF & AnotherFriend, Did have my photo up and then took it off, I did send out a lot of messages and got perhaps 10% replies, I always requested a meeting quickly, but only got one positive, Bewleys Grafton St. Sat. 3.30 PM, I was there and yes she was not. Messaged her on the following Monday and excuse was "had relatives over to her house" and then no further contact from her, perhaps she was there incognito! I do not have my photo up presently but did exchange some messages and once photo sent - no contact! OK I am positively not handsome but I think I am the genuine type of guy that a lot of the females profess to seek but are not willing to try out by meeting. I also suspect that some of the members of the dating sites are just computer generated "virtual people" with gorgeous photos and great profiles to entice mugs like me to subscribe.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    AF is rubbish. POF is okay, unfortunately the Irish pool in the west is very small and from my experience women aren't interested unless you've got a job or are a student - I'm neither at the moment. All my dating prospects dried up the instant I changed my career status to unemployed - well women want honesty, I guess it just must have been too much honesty haha.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,882 ✭✭✭JuliusCaesar


    Smooch seemed to have a good few people, but OKCupid was my favourite. Then there was Dating Buzz too, I think.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    I haven't heard of smooch but I was rather disappointed with OkCupid - at least it was rubbish west of the Shannon.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5 Tyrannobusaras


    me and a friend tried internet dating a few years ago, not long after hitting the big 40. Had fun looking through the profiles and exchanging a few messages with various guys but only actually met up with one. His location was listed as my own town/suburb, so for the first meeting it seemed sensible to meet in a city centre cafe. After meeting up and talking for half an hour or so he happened to tell me where he lived. With great irony it turned out to be the exact same apartment complex as me! :eek: Mindful of all the safety advice about giving too much away there was a long and awkward silence as I went bright red and weighed up the pros and cons of telling him - after all it was a small place and he'd see me there sooner or later. By the time I'd 'admitted', things had got rather awkward and I quickly invented an excuse about needing to do something else in town to avoid further awkwardness like ending up on the same bus home or having to decline a lift. At the end of the day, the fact you have to go on-line to meet your neighbours is rather a sad reflection of modern society.

    The artificiality of the situation made me feel uncomfortable because there are expectations right from the start that probably wouldn't be there if you met more conventionally. It usually it takes me a while to fall for someone anyway. Even if not physically attracted to someone at first, as time goes on and you get to know them you start to see strengths and qualities of character that might be very attractive. It can take time but no-one's anticipating a verdict of any kind.

    Although people 40s, 50s and 60s are far from old, opportunities for meeting potential partners are greatly reduced. Internet dating does produce happy outcomes - nearly everyone knows of couples who met online and are still going strong years later (although for some there is still some stigma "please don't tell anyone how we met"). I don't see why that should be the case, society is changing and we need to take advantage of new ways of meeting people if we are going to change with it. Personally, I'd rather meet someone at an evening class, through friends or sports/activities-type clubs. That and work is how I met most of my previous partners.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    Similar story for me. Stumbled in two friends on dating site; one local, the other penpal. Otherwise met three women; nice but no spark. No fun with dating sites. What we need is a dance or something fun for the middle aged.
    One thing I've noticed with online dating; a man has to be working or studying to work while men are not so concerned about such things. I can understand why women with children avoiding unemployed men but not those who like me don't want children... Anyway, I missed my chance for 3rd level this year and who knows next year - there's always FAS (as long as FG/Labour don't feck that up entirely).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭Animord


    Hello. I have never posted in this forum before, but last night I read this thread and thought I would register on a dating site for the hell of it. I now have a load of emails and I have no idea what I am supposed to reply. And no reply from the man I liked that I emailed. Help me!

    What is the polite way of saying "absolutely not, never, under any circumstances" to someone you don't know? I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings, player or not.

    I am not sure I am cut out for this.:eek:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    1st of all I'm a man so you're getting the male point of view :) Generally you can just ignore those who have contacted you and as for the creeps - see if there's a block button. The guy you've contacted; see if the site gives you information on when he was last on there because if he hasn't been on there for over a month he just might be as tired of this online merry-go-round as the rest of us :D


  • Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭velosolex


    Animord wrote: »
    Hello. I have never posted in this forum before, but last night I read this thread and thought I would register on a dating site for the hell of it. I now have a load of emails and I have no idea what I am supposed to reply. And no reply from the man I liked that I emailed. Help me!

    What is the polite way of saying "absolutely not, never, under any circumstances" to someone you don't know? I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings, player or not.

    I am not sure I am cut out for this.:eek:

    You registered just "last night" and already have loads of emails! I think I will register as a female - might get some ideas. As for your replies, just ignore, that seems to be what all the others do.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,004 ✭✭✭Animord


    velosolex wrote: »
    You registered just "last night" and already have loads of emails! I think I will register as a female - might get some ideas. As for your replies, just ignore, that seems to be what all the others do.

    Ignoring seems so rude to me. Loads was probably a bit of an exageration. Lots of people winking at me though.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 664 ✭✭✭Galen


    Animord wrote: »
    Ignoring seems so rude to me. Loads was probably a bit of an exageration. Lots of people winking at me though.
    I agree with you, I find online dating awful rude too but not replying is just self-preservation and avoids the guy or gal on the other end getting confused by our messages. I've made a fool of myself once or twice by misinterpreting a woman's message, thinking she was interested when she wasn't. I much prefer she simply doesn't reply if she's not interested in me.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 103 ✭✭velosolex


    Well Galen any update?


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