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Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    I was looking online and there seems to be a fair few Aware support groups about, I was thinking of going to one in my area. Just curious does anyone have any experience of them, whats your thought about them?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all

    I posted my story up to February 2011 here.

    I ended up getting a letter at the start of April (not a single call/letter between my post, above, and the letter arriving). I was given an appointment with a psychologist at St. Martha's in Inchicore. I went to that, and really struggled to get the info across in the 40 minute talk. I had to fill out about 6 different questionnaires about my moods, energy levels, self-confidence, work-rates, social life, etc. etc.. I struggled through them, I was absolutely s****ing it that morning - I smoked 3 cigarettes while waiting for the Luas at Abbey St., and was shaking badly even after them. I was called back that same day, and was given an appointment with a therapist the next Wednesday and he'd take it from there. By then, it was just after the Leaving Cert.. Orals/Practicals, which 2/3 I did I managed to pull through, but caved to my mood in the German one, having to go straight to the bathroom after to pull myself together and muster up enough strength to face the rest of the day.

    I met with the therapist and went through the basics again. I was a little more at ease this time. We agreed to see each other every Wednesday and take it from there. I explained how badly that my moods and depressive states affect my studying - it effectively rendered me unable to do any study. I was told by my friend to ask for an SSRI or something to help. He said he couldn't but if I kept on like this, then I should go see my GP again. I didn't want to as I was lacking money for both the appointment(s) and the medication themselves. I decided to [try to] fight my hardest for the next 2 and a bit months.

    It didn't work. I kept getting worse and worse. I'd have flashbacks, I'd become lethargic beyond belief, being reduced to a numb, cold shell of a being. Someone asked me if I was okay in school as I was "looking really dead". Between May and the start of the exams I got no more than 2 hours of study done. I was always a good student, good grades. After Transition Year, when everything got bad it just dropped massively. The Leaving Cert. exams themselves were abysmal. I scraped through English, having to abandon all advice and rant endlessly about my depression in the essay. Maths (usually my safe-haven, and my best subject) was just horiffic. I had to leave Paper 1 and Paper 2 half-way though because I couldn't get my mood up enough to concentrate enough. The rest were woeful. I am highly unlikely to get my college course, and this just made everything a million times worse. Moods became uncontrollable. I was struggling to talk about it in therapy, having to lie to stop myself from being reduced to a crying teenager who's unable to make a full sentence. I spent 3 1/2 days this week with my emotional support and rock and even though being held in her arms made me feel safe, and "okay", I still managed to slip back into serious depression and even thoughts of s****de.

    I am not seeing my therapist until the 13th, he's away next week. I'm just going to say it all. How bad I'm getting. How bad my moods are. How close I get to breaking down completely the second I walk outside. I just need to feel better, for once. I need this to end, this long, unending road of despair. I hate this.

    I'm thinking of asking again for anti-depressants. I don't know though. Sorry for the mammoth rant/post. Thanks for reading through it, if you did.


  • Registered Users Posts: 36 periwinkle


    Just signed up so I can post here. I've been reading the thread on and off for a while. Been going through a hard time lately. I've been depressed for the last six weeks or so and it's been unrelenting. I had another severe bout back in February. I'd been on a fairly even keel for a good while up to then. I'm feeling very frustrated in myself that this low mood isn't shifting. I'm so shut down. I don't want to see anyone, not even my closest friends, and I can't bear to go into any situation where there are a lot of people. So I'm pretty much an unhappy hermit.

    I was referred by my GP to a consultant psychiatrist this month, because these episodes of depression have always come up every now and then despite being on anti-depressants for the last nine or ten years. The psychiatrist told me I had atypical depression, which can be a predictor of bipolar disorder. So now I've started on lamictal in addition to effexor. I feel scared about the diagnosis as some people with the condition don't have their first manic/hypomanic episode until their 40s so I don't know what's ahead. I guess I am feeling very despondent and defeated.

    Anyways thanks for listening :o


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭irishh_bob


    periwinkle wrote: »
    Just signed up so I can post here. I've been reading the thread on and off for a while. Been going through a hard time lately. I've been depressed for the last six weeks or so and it's been unrelenting. I had another severe bout back in February. I'd been on a fairly even keel for a good while up to then. I'm feeling very frustrated in myself that this low mood isn't shifting. I'm so shut down. I don't want to see anyone, not even my closest friends, and I can't bear to go into any situation where there are a lot of people. So I'm pretty much an unhappy hermit.

    I was referred by my GP to a consultant psychiatrist this month, because these episodes of depression have always come up every now and then despite being on anti-depressants for the last nine or ten years. The psychiatrist told me I had atypical depression, which can be a predictor of bipolar disorder. So now I've started on lamictal in addition to effexor. I feel scared about the diagnosis as some people with the condition don't have their first manic/hypomanic episode until their 40s so I don't know what's ahead. I guess I am feeling very despondent and defeated.

    Anyways thanks for listening :o


    what triggered this outbreak of ( depression ) ? , can you recognise the cause , remember , thier is always either something or someone which changes your life and depression changes your life , forever


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭luckyfrank


    nearly over a week since i started on the zispin/lexpro combo, and i feel alot better i feel like a new person it's like a cloud has being lifted off of me, im still tired but not to the extent i was before and im not sleeping great but it's better than it was before, Please god this is the first step to getting my life back and being 'cured' it's the first time ive had a glimmer of light in the darkness, for the first time in a long time ive felt happy and it feels amazing, im hoping to up from 15mg to 30 mg zispin next time im in the clinic hoping that clears up the little bit of anxeity and sleeping problems i still have


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Not sure how i'm doing now. most of my side effects from the new tablets have worn off. i'm still absolutely wrecked all the time, but then i could sleep most of the time anyway. but then when it comes to sleeping at night i can't go. anyway, i suppose my overall bad dark mood is lifting. which is nice in a way. but at the same time i wish it felt better. i mean yeah i'm not on the verge of tears constantly, but i don't feel good either. i'm back to being 'meh'. well obviously i've to give it more time anyway.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Mood's kind of improved over the last week or so,probably the increased dose of lithium kicking in,the unquenchable thirst that I had when I first started on it is back again though,I must be going to the bathroom about 20 times a day with the amount of water that I'm drinking,starting to get slightly self concious about it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    Thankfully mood is starting to lift, I think the Lexapro must be starting to kick in which is handy considering the Anxicalm dose is now finished (well still have about three tablet left but gonna keep them aside in case I have a really bad day).
    I went to an Aware meeting on Monday evening and have to say it was great, it was pretty informal but brilliant to be able to talk / share with other people in the same boat and just be "accepted" with depression instead of trying to put in a face. They are worth checking out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    Boredom and unemployment are really starting to get to me now. Had a job interview that I thought went really well and still didn't get the job. :( I hate being rejected, even though I got further than loads of people by getting to the interview stage. I really tried my hardest in that interview and it still didn't work out. It's so disheartening.

    Effexor is working for me better than Lexapro but it can't provide me with an outlet for my frustration. I just want to be DOING something. Not lounging around the house all day. I'm still actively looking for a job, I just hope that effort pays off soon. I know I could do really well and make something of myself, I just need to be given a chance. It's just scary thinking that maybe no-one will give me that chance. :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 31,802 ✭✭✭✭Mars Bar


    It's a pity there wasn't a VAT reduction on doctor visits isn't it?

    I'll probably have to take another trip now that I'm bruising really easily and I'm nearly at the tail end of my course of effexor. It's down as uncommon on the side effects list and generally from googling, it's recommended to see a doctor.

    I've got about 5 small but dirty bruises on my right leg at this moment! I'm only after getting rid of two on my left hand (admittedly one was from the door handle that I walked into...)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    When i'm with people i wish i was alone and when i'm alone i wish i was with people. Bit all over the place at the moment. One minute i'm ok and the next i'm depressed.


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    phi3 wrote: »
    When i'm with people i wish i was alone and when i'm alone i wish i was with people. QUOTE]
    I hear that!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    thought exercise was meant to make you feel better.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,596 ✭✭✭RubyXI


    thought exercise was meant to make you feel better.

    I get loads of exercise and i still feel like crap!


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,566 ✭✭✭Gillo


    thought exercise was meant to make you feel better.
    The theory is it's meant to release endorphins, I think though it depends in the person too, I love going to the gym so find it gives me a good (but temporary) boost. Even a good walk tends to help me clear my head for a bit.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭luckyfrank


    Jasus lads im pileing on the pounds with zispin, 10 pounds in 15 days !!

    I cant stop eating im never full up

    Im 6ft 1' and was 13st 5lbs im over 14st, next time im in the clinc ill ask for an appetite surpressent, i cant continue like this


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Was like that when I started on lithium,gained a stone in 3 weeks!just eat your normal meals everyday and drink lot's of water when you get hungry every time else,thats what the doc's told me.


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    phi3 wrote: »
    When i'm with people i wish i was alone and when i'm alone i wish i was with people. Bit all over the place at the moment. One minute i'm ok and the next i'm depressed.

    I know the feeling, all too well. Part of me wants to live in a bubble while the other wants interaction.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,850 ✭✭✭Indiego


    I Dont really know if this is the right place to be posting, I havent been diagnosed with depression so to speak, but lately (The past 4 or 5 months) Ive been feeling really down and sad all the time, and i know what triggered it, (im 15 by the way)
    I cheated on my boyfriend of 11 months (Thats a long and complicated story, but dont think of me as a lesser person because of it :/) and he broke up with me by text on valentines day, and after that it all kind of spiraled out of control, I cried almost every day, I blamed myself for what had happened completely even though other things did contribute to it, I had suicidal thoughts and I even self-Harmed for the guts of 2 or 3 months, Im starting to feel better about it now, but i still have all these thoughts in my head (Im over the whole breakup thing, I think it just triggered all of this) and I've talked to a friend about it, but they weren't much help to me, they ended up confiding in me that they selfharm, and that theyre parents are getting divorced and that her mam hits her alot, so that just made me worse, because im starting to loose faith in the 'goodness in the world'...
    I dont really know if I'm depressed, but I'm guessing that I am, I never really want to do much with people, and some days I'll just sit at home and listen to the same song on repeat for hours, but other days I'll be in a really good mood and have a real 'get up and go' attitude, I always feel like I shouldnt think like this, I have a pretty good life and a large group of friends, but I just can't shake all these feelings of worthlessness and emptyness :/
    And to add to it all, I was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and severe anaemia, which isnt exactly making things better for me..
    Sorry about the essay, but its nice to get all these things down in words..
    :o


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Go to your GP and explain to him/her how you've been feeling,he/she may be able to recommend a counsellor for you to talk to and/or some medication.If you are depressed it's good to deal with it as early as possible,I spent years worrying to myself that I had a problem and it was such a relief when I finally spoke to someone about it.

    Good luck!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    I'm sorry if this has been already said earlier in the thread, I have only skimmed through the earlier replies.

    I have had depression a ridiculous amount of times in my life, so I should really be able to recognise it at this stage!

    But that line between feeling depressed, stressed, and fatigued,
    And clinical depression, can be hard to distinguish.

    I have found in the past that when I start questioning whether or not I have depression, and start doing online tests etc... that I actually do have depression.

    I did the Goldberg Test and others last night, and all said 'severe depression', but at the same time I am not sleeping well and am very stressed.
    I just cannot figure it out!
    It creeps up on you over time ya know?
    And you just shrug it off thinking things like "Sure I was laughing at **** earlier, I'm hardly depressed".

    I had fully planned on going to the doctor today, but I couldn't manage to.
    I just kept crying and felt like crap. (I also have the flu which doesn't help!)

    I'll get to the doctor next week, but for now;
    Where do you think that the line is crossed into clinical depression?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 311 ✭✭Printemps93


    Was like that when I started on lithium,

    Manic Depression?
    Out of curiosity how did the diagnosis come about ? were you misdiagnosed before?


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,538 ✭✭✭flutterflye


    Manic Depression?
    Out of curiosity how did the diagnosis come about ? were you misdiagnosed before?

    Just on this, I was diagnosed with bi-polar once by the hse psychiatrists after one 2 hour session.

    My gp did not agree with diagnoses, and i got a second and third opinion, and turned out that I did not have bi-polar at all.

    I was later found to have ADD which I imagine was being confused for symptoms of bi-polar.

    Never take one opinion as fact.
    Always question a diagnosis, and get another opinion from another professional.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,116 ✭✭✭starviewadams


    Manic Depression?
    Out of curiosity how did the diagnosis come about ? were you misdiagnosed before?

    Was on lustral for a month or so and it wasn't working,had a bit of a manic phase and ended up in a+e getting my wrists stitched up,don't remember anything of how it happened.The psych reckoned I was slightly bi-polar because of that incident and because of my family history with bi-polar so switched me onto citalopram and 200mg of lithium to give the citalopram a boost.Am up to 300mg as of last week.


  • Registered Users Posts: 437 ✭✭wobzilla1


    wobzilla1 wrote: »
    Does anyone know how bad withdrawal from SSRIs is?
    I've been on them 3 months but I've decided to stop them because of the side effects. (Although I'm glad all the time I'm unable to feel really happy even when I'm doing things that should make me happy, A lot of the time I feel out of touch and surreal, and the main thing is sexual side effects. I have a new girlfriend and it's really embarassing when you're having sex and can't orgasm. I could be going for ages and be unable to)
    Anyway, I stopped taking my tablet 3 days ago and haven't had any really bad effects yet. I'm starting to feel a bit nauseas tonight though, like travel sickness.

    Also a warning for anyone on SSRIs: Don't drink alcohol.
    I had a few pints one saturday night and on Monday I was in bits.
    I got more depressed than I'd ever been before I took the tablets.
    I spent the entire day sitting on the floor with my head between my knees


    So I completely cut out the tablets 2 weeks ago and had very little side effects (Just some vertigo and tinitus).
    Then on Wednesday night I got really depressed. I start taking my tablet again but I'm still getting depressed. I have uniploar disorder but In the last 2 or 3 days I've been having episodes of what I think is mania. I can be really confident and optimistic and next minute I can't look anyone in the eye, I feel really guilty and hate myself. I'm also getting stupidly jealous which I never was before (I get really angry if I see my girlfriend laughing with someone else). A few hours later I can get really cheerful again only to come doen again later.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    i feel anxious a lot and use various meds and legal substances to help me through the day and weekend, I know this is wrong to self medicate but at least it keeps me stable and relatively happy on my own while trying to stay clear of people and trouble or troublesome people because of my social anxiety and also my drinking issues......but today i feel better than last week and last week and last week better than the previous, i am running from home and running from my prior social life to be by myself and to control my environment more, but it feels like the right thing to do right now, I know I have issues but feel i need to be away from Ireland on my own to reconcile myself with myself.....


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 311 ✭✭Printemps93


    Was on lustral for a month or so and it wasn't working,had a bit of a manic phase and ended up in a+e getting my wrists stitched up,don't remember anything of how it happened.The psych reckoned I was slightly bi-polar because of that incident and because of my family history with bi-polar so switched me onto citalopram and 200mg of lithium to give the citalopram a boost.Am up to 300mg as of last week.

    If you find youve been losing friends really easily because of an incredibly irate mood would it be possible that you may have been misdiagnosed as having unipolar depression?


  • Registered Users Posts: 28 mareliada


    does anyone else find it impossible to find any info on how to manage the part of antidepressant side effect that means a loss of libido/ability to orgasm? i have come across lots of info that says it defo is a side effect, (like we needed to read that to know). amongst many day to day problems of being depressed for almost 20 years now my husband finds this side effect devestating, i try to reassure him but surely there must be some guidance or research out there? anyone? plus we want a baby so we can't keep just coping anymore
    i have read that b12 and testosterone treatment can help, does he need to get a blood test from his doctor for this?


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    wobzilla1 wrote: »
    So I completely cut out the tablets 2 weeks ago and had very little side effects (Just some vertigo and tinitus).
    Then on Wednesday night I got really depressed. I start taking my tablet again but I'm still getting depressed. I have uniploar disorder but In the last 2 or 3 days I've been having episodes of what I think is mania. I can be really confident and optimistic and next minute I can't look anyone in the eye, I feel really guilty and hate myself. I'm also getting stupidly jealous which I never was before (I get really angry if I see my girlfriend laughing with someone else). A few hours later I can get really cheerful again only to come doen again later.

    Wobzilla, these could be the extreme mood fluctuations I warned you about. Please go and see your GP. It may still be withdrawals even though you have started taking them again (they take a while to work), or your dose may need to be adjusted.

    It's safer to let your GP know what is going on with you.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 11,148 ✭✭✭✭KnifeWRENCH


    phi3 wrote: »
    When i'm with people i wish i was alone and when i'm alone i wish i was with people. Bit all over the place at the moment. One minute i'm ok and the next i'm depressed.
    Karsini wrote: »
    I know the feeling, all too well. Part of me wants to live in a bubble while the other wants interaction.

    I get that a lot too.
    Earlier on I was surrounded by people and couldn't wait to just get home.
    Now I'm all alone in my bedroom wishing I had someone to talk to (in person, not just over Facebook or whatever.)

    I'm just not happy whatever situation I'm in. I hate that my mind works like that. :(


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