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Opinions on Cheating?

2

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,487 ✭✭✭kingtut


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    There is never an excuse for cheating. NEVER!
    If you cheat on someone it shows you never cared about them in the first place.


  • Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 8,490 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fluorescence


    It's rarely a black and white issue. I would say that yes, it is possible to cheat but still love your partner. However, in this case it would be a symptom of major problems in the relationship that perhaps cannot be resolved (in which case it would be better to break up than try to salvage a sinking ship). It's also (more commonly) a symptom of major disrespect for the cheater's partner and an absence of real love.

    Please note I'm not condoning cheating in any shape or form, just answering the original question.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Cheaters - there are no words strong enough to describe my opinion of people who do this.

    Myriad of reasons why people are tempted, but nobody is being held in a relationship against their will. They have the choice to break up with their OH, and then do whatever they want. They also have the choice to exercise some self control.

    No forgiveness. EVER.

    .


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,577 ✭✭✭newport2


    I think to a large extent there are two types of people. Those who cheat and those who don't.

    Most people I know who have cheated do not do so on just one person, they have done so on many people. Likewise, those who don't cheat have never done it on any partner.

    If someone cheats on you, it's far more of a reflection of them that it is of you. They probably would have done it irregardless of who they were going out with and will probably do it on future partners too. Don't blame yourself for it.

    I know this is quite a sweeping generalisation, so sorry if it offends anyone.


  • Registered Users Posts: 155 ✭✭dancesatnight


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    newport2 wrote: »
    I think to a large extent there are two types of people. Those who cheat and those who don't.

    Most people I know who have cheated do not do so on just one person, they have done so on many people. Likewise, those who don't cheat have never done it on any partner.

    If someone cheats on you, it's far more of a reflection of them that it is of you. They probably would have done it irregardless of who they were going out with and will probably do it on future partners too. Don't blame yourself for it.

    I know this is quite a sweeping generalisation, so sorry if it offends anyone.

    ok i used to to be a seriel cheater cheated on every girl friend up till the last one and i can tell you from the my experience the main reasons a bloke cheaters are

    1. he is unhappy with the realtionship and is hoping it gets better.
    2 he isnt getting what he needs not just sex but emotional stuff alot of people think its all about the ride and thats it but really it could be an emotional connection that just kinda leads on to sex
    3 he needs his ego stroked and feel less manly being with the same person


    i know it doesnt make it any better but once a cheater always a cheater isnt always the way people can change and grow up and cope on. i would for give cheating one time only offer as long as it wasnt a long emotional relationship type coz that in my eyes is 10 times worse then just a ride


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  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    because cheating makes relationships better :confused:


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,680 ✭✭✭confusticated


    ok i used to to be a seriel cheater cheated on every girl friend up till the last one and i can tell you from the my experience the main reasons a bloke cheaters are

    1. he is unhappy with the realtionship and is hoping it gets better.
    2 he isnt getting what he needs not just sex but emotional stuff alot of people think its all about the ride and thats it but really it could be an emotional connection that just kinda leads on to sex
    3 he needs his ego stroked and feel less manly being with the same person


    i know it doesnt make it any better but once a cheater always a cheater isnt always the way people can change and grow up and cope on. i would for give cheating one time only offer as long as it wasnt a long emotional relationship type coz that in my eyes is 10 times worse then just a ride

    What?! Yeah, how manly to lie and deceive someone you "love". That's no excuse at all. Also, hoping it gets better - cheating's hardly going to help that!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 440 ✭✭nicechick!


    pinkx101 wrote: »
    my boyfriend cheated on me on two occasions, the first time he had sex with his ex and i broke up with him for a few months and in them few months he constantly kept in touch with me and wanted to get back together, i figure he had sex with her because i wasn't ready for sex and it had been a good while since he had it. i finally gave in and decided to give him a second chance. The second time he cheated on me was on new years eve, he kissed another girl, part of me thinks this was because i chose to go out with my friends instead of spending it with him.

    i will admit i wasn't the best girlfriend i could have been, i valued my friends more than i valued him. i never really put him first even though he always put me first. He did anything for me and i guess he was deprived of some attention.

    could these be the reasons he cheated?

    Why would you lay fault with yourself! there comes a time when in every relationship you sacrifice the occasional knees up with your buddies for your boyfriend or the same on his part BUT it should not justify his need to go shag someone else as he got his back up because you have other interests in life other then him!

    You had a Lucky escape in my opinion every relationship is give & take!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 116 ✭✭Raditub


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    keeping it short and simple! Kiss can happen drunk and in the moment! But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her! Cheating can be purely sexual but still anybody should rethink their relationship status afterwards ;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Raditub wrote: »
    keeping it short and simple! Kiss can happen drunk and in the moment! But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her! Cheating can be purely sexual but still anybody should rethink their relationship status afterwards ;)

    No, they should think of their relationship status before. Any other course of action is scumbag lowlife animalistic behaviour.

    .


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,192 ✭✭✭Lola92


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    I genuinely do not understand why cheating happens. If you want to sleep with/date/kiss someone else then to me that says that you are not happy in your relationship and don't want to be with that person that you are supposed to love. Have some damn respect for your partner and at least have the decency to break up with them before you go messing around with other people!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    I usually appreciate the 'grey' in most things, but with cheating I'm fairly black and white. You want to be with someone else, you break up. Otherwise you're too selfish, immature and insecure to be in an adult relationship.

    I don't care what the reasons or circumstances are, if you cheat while in a committed monogamous relationship, it ultimately boils down to you not being a very nice person.

    Unfortunately I think the culture is getting worse. I see cheating everywhere these days.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,595 ✭✭✭The Lovely Muffin


    In my personal opinion if your partner really, really loves you, they wouldn't cheat.

    If your partner loved you - why would they want to cheat? Why would they want to cause you so much hurt, upset, pain and humiliation?

    Any partner who loves wouldn't want to cheat on you.

    I don't buy these excuses "it just happened" "I was/we were drunk" etc, you are responsible for your own actions, forget about blaming someone/something else.

    If my partner cheated on me - I wouldn't take him back, no matter how much pleading/begging etc he did. If he loved in the first place he wouldn't cheat on me.

    There is absolutely NO excuse for cheating.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    beks101 wrote: »
    I usually appreciate the 'grey' in most things, but with cheating I'm fairly black and white. You want to be with someone else, you break up. Otherwise you're too selfish, immature and insecure to be in an adult relationship.

    I don't care what the reasons or circumstances are, if you cheat while in a committed monogamous relationship, it ultimately boils down to you not being a very nice person.

    Unfortunately I think the culture is getting worse. I see cheating everywhere these days.

    THIS ^^^^^ x 1000


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 47 Tweet0004


    friend dated a guy we all met him, lovely guy, then she discovered through facebook that he had a longterm foreign girlfriend, who came to ireland to be with him. she was devasted. Guys lie, and sometimes they string girls along, by saying they are single when they are not. Think it says a lot about the relationship. Some people just settle, as they do not want to be alone.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 965 ✭✭✭johnr1


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Tweet0004 wrote: »
    friend dated a guy we all met him, lovely guy, then she discovered through facebook that he had a longterm foreign girlfriend, who came to ireland to be with him. she was devasted. Guys lie, and sometimes they string girls along, by saying they are single when they are not. Think it says a lot about the relationship. Some people just settle, as they do not want to be alone.

    That's a desperate story altogether, - I'd even go as far as to say "it's a disgrace Joe".

    What a terrible world we live in when ONLY men lie, cheat and string people along.

    Isn't it great to be able to bitch about them here with no consequences, - Oh wait, I've a sneaky feeling there might be. Try editing your post before the mods get here, - oh no, I've quoted it so that won't work either. Too bad.


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    No
    Tweet004: Please don't make generalised statements about entire genders.

    Johnr1: Tone down the attitude. If you have a problem with a post, report it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,897 ✭✭✭Kimia


    No
    My opinion for what it's worth. I think cheating is bad. It's deceitful and it betrays the trust of a relationship.

    However, I think it's bad behaviour - i don't think that the cheater themselves is necessarily bad.

    I think people sometimes make bad decisions - cheating being one of them.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,338 ✭✭✭squishykins


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Raditub wrote: »
    But when you sleep with somebody apart from your partner..you clearly love yourself more than him/her!

    ^ this!

    I'm pretty sure that I commented privately on a thread like this a few years ago, trying to explain why I cheated on someone. It was a whole load of BS now that I think about it. Plain and simple I thought I was in love when I wasn't, and was too wrapped up in how it would hurt me if I did the right thing.

    He gave me a second chance and it was only then that I really fell for him, haven't had a thought about anyone else in the 3 years since :)

    I don't think you can love someone if you cheat on them. Have strong feelings yeah, but love is all those feelings mixed up with trust and respect and a bajillion other things :P


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 47 Tweet0004


    MGHOW wrote: »
    A man can cheat on a woman with it being solely a sexual endeavor, separate from whatever romantic interests he may have. But, any man self-indulgent enough to do such a thing is nothing but a disingenuous fool not worth a good woman's love. Women do posses quite a large tendency to only go for these types though, and then blame the majority of men (most of whom are decent) for their actions.

    Why is the question only about men cheating though? From my experience, women seem to cheat more than men on average, despite outdated cultural notions.


    i agree with you that women probably cheat more, and they get away with it, but i was just asking as a female why a man would cheat. As people say that men/women do it for different reasons. Also was wondering if a guy was not in love if he cheated.:confused:


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  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭fallen01angel


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Cheating is the most horrible disrespectful thing you can do in a relationship,embarrassed to put this in print even 13 years later but I cheated (not sex,just to clarify)on a long term boyfriend,told him about it(and I can safely say I have never in life felt like such a b**ch and it was all my own doing) broke up,we got back together after a couple of weeks and only lasted for 6 months after that.And although no can say never say never I truely learned my lesson,if you want to play the field man/woman up,do the decent thing and break up with your partner beforehand.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    I know people - both male and female - who only consider it cheating if full sex is involved. Also its not cheating if you pay for it :eek:, yes you read correctly or if it happens on a stag/hen night - what happens on tour stays on tour after all.

    For others considering it or even a kiss is cheating.

    Yes its wrong but statistically we're all probably likely to want to do or even do it at some point in our lives. We just wouldn't openly admit to it. I have also noticed that a lot of people's attitudes relax in proportion to the length of their relationship - early days no way, couple of years in it can be a different story.

    Men and women cheat for the same reasons I think - sex with someone different. You know when you reach the stage where you can anticipate what will happen next and nearly time it? The thrill of the chase and someone new can be very exciting. Also alcohol plays a big part here (and also tends to lower standards).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,204 ✭✭✭FoxT


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    pinkx101 wrote: »
    my boyfriend cheated on me on two occasions, the first time he had sex with his ex and i broke up with him for a few months and in them few months he constantly kept in touch with me and wanted to get back together, i figure he had sex with her because i wasn't ready for sex and it had been a good while since he had it.

    He may very well have felt frustrated, but I think the deeper issue is: how did you both discuss/negotiate about sex in your relationship? You are entitled to not be ready for sex. Did you discuss this? Did he understand/agree?

    I think this is crucial - lets say you decide to make the relationship permanent...Over the coming years some crucial issues will arise that don't have black/white solutions & can be resolved only through mutual negotiation / respect. Financial decisions, whether to have children, frequency (& nature) of your sex lives, career moves, etc...

    I think the question to ask yourself is..."As a couple, do we have the trust, love, negotiating skills, and mutual respect to make difficult joint decisions ? "

    pinkx101 wrote: »
    i finally gave in and decided to give him a second chance. The second time he cheated on me was on new years eve, he kissed another girl, part of me thinks this was because i chose to go out with my friends instead of spending it with him. i will admit i wasn't the best girlfriend i could have been, i valued my friends more than i valued him. i never really put him first even though he always put me first. He did anything for me and i guess he was deprived of some attention.

    could these be the reasons he cheated?

    Maybe. Again, I think there is a deeper issue here - you say you valued your friends more than you valued him. I think you need to ask yourself why?

    Based on this post, I wonder if you really have a long term future together unless these issues are resolved.

    Best of luck to you both, whatever happens.

    -FoxT


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Over the years, myself and other girls in our group have obviously been hit on by 'involved' men.... I personally would have no interest in someone elses left overs and would not willingly get involved..

    All the girls were having a chat lately about this and once the attached men got rebuffed (by us) they sometimes let slip why they are trying it on... A very common reason / excuse appears to be where they were in a long term relationship, happy out but the girl put pressure on them to marry and they did marry her... Another common scenario is where the guys have relatively good jobs and the wives stay at home to mind the kids... For some guys, this almost seems to them that they own the wife and that she is more likely to turn a blind eye to their carry on cos she is somewhat 'trapped'...

    Not saying this is the same in all scenarios but these reasons have been mentioned about a few of the guys who are looking for flings...


  • Registered Users Posts: 6 Mistake


    Take it from someone who knows - having an affair is the biggest mistake you could ever make. I thought I would never do it. My father did it and it shook our family to the core.

    As an unfaithful husband, I regret everything even though it was stopped before it was disclosed. I have become my father despite all the hurt it caused.

    I knew it was wrong but the attention I got was on a scale I had never experienced and she was constantly telling me she was crazy about me. It was like I was on a pedestal and I have to admit I became addicted. I thought I could manage everything. How wrong I was. I fell into the deepest depression almost immediately when it became apparent the relationship was over and that we were just colleagues again. I barely ate for a month and have trouble sleeping. I have been so distant and disengaged.

    I am not looking for sympathy and I expect to be vilified. If you are evn thinking about, don't. The pain you will experience not to mind the consequences for others is too great.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Mistake wrote: »
    Take it from someone who knows - having an affair is the biggest mistake you could ever make. I thought I would never do it. My father did it and it shook our family to the core.

    As an unfaithful husband, I regret everything even though it was stopped before it was disclosed. I have become my father despite all the hurt it caused.

    I knew it was wrong but the attention I got was on a scale I had never experienced and she was constantly telling me she was crazy about me. It was like I was on a pedestal and I have to admit I became addicted. I thought I could manage everything. How wrong I was. I fell into the deepest depression almost immediately when it became apparent the relationship was over and that we were just colleagues again. I barely ate for a month and have trouble sleeping. I have been so distant and disengaged.

    I am not looking for sympathy and I expect to be vilified. If you are evn thinking about, don't. The pain you will experience not to mind the consequences for others is too great.

    I think there is no point having a go at you (but this is boards after all so expect an onslaught :D) and actually I find it refreshing to read such an honest posting. I cheated on my ex and am not proud of it in any way. We were nearing the end of our relationship and the writing was on the wall, but thats no excuse of course.


  • Registered Users Posts: 424 ✭✭meganj


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    I have at some point thought that I could handle my (hypothetical) OH cheating on me if it was just sex. If you've a drunken one night stand with someone that to me is not as bad as being in a relationship with another person.

    I think that there is the potential for a relationship to survive a one nighter, I do not think that it's possible for a relationship to survive and affair, but each to their own. But even thinking about my OH cheating, even just for one night, pains me. So I don't know, I think as someone posted earlier, it's a case that the cheater loves themselves the most.

    I think it's very simple to say cheating is bad, but sometimes it can be a symptom of a larger problem in the relationship, or it can be a case that you love the person but you're not in love with them anymore (ah that old chestnut).

    I think the main problem with cheating is no body ever thinks of the consequences. A Friend's Father cheated on his wife with her Mother. She was unaware he was married, but none the less, she got pregnant and he left because he had no intention of leaving his wife and blah blah blah, there was no thought of the consequences of his actions and now subsequently the child is left knowing that she is a secret, and that despite it all being over 20 years ago that sort of information would be incredibly damaging to the Father and his other family (even though he's not with his wife any longer).

    So yeah, consequences, people never think of what damage an affair or one nighter can have on not only the other person, but anyone you tell who has to keep the secret and potential children etc etc.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Mistake wrote: »
    I fell into the deepest depression almost immediately when it became apparent the relationship was over and that we were just colleagues again.

    I dont think its any of my business to vilify you (Im not married so you cant be my hubby :) ) but I have to ask who finsihed it? Looks like she did but would you have if not?

    Also I am curious what her motivation was? Can never understand girls who go bald headed for married men...


  • Registered Users Posts: 6 Mistake


    She did. I dunno if I would although I knew it was wrong, I was caught up in it to a profound degree.

    Maybe she wanted to see if she could attract a married man.

    It is no excuse but it was like a chronic addiction.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    yes, if it was just for the sexual benefits
    Mistake wrote: »
    She did. I dunno if I would although I knew it was wrong, I was caught up in it to a profound degree.

    Maybe she wanted to see if she could attract a married man.

    It is no excuse but it was like a chronic addiction.

    Will it happen again?


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