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Online Dating General Discussion[NO flirting]

  • 26-04-2011 9:43am
    #1
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    As per request and as per title. A discussion on online dating, experiences, advice etc. Number one rule NO flirting. You will be infracted and or banned. Take it to PM. No two opposed posters going at it either. NO links to profiles. Safety first people. Go the PM route. All other usual Boards guidelines apply. Don't be a dick being paramount.




    Enjoy :D

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.

    Positive/Negative experiences with dating sites 207 votes

    OkCupid positive
    0% 0 votes
    OkCupid negative
    17% 37 votes
    ConnectingSingles positive
    8% 17 votes
    ConnectingSingles negative
    1% 4 votes
    PlentyofFish positive
    4% 9 votes
    PlentyofFish negative
    16% 35 votes
    Smooch positive
    16% 35 votes
    Smooch negative
    0% 1 vote
    Match positive
    4% 9 votes
    Match negative
    2% 5 votes
    Zoosk positive
    7% 16 votes
    Zoosk negative
    1% 4 votes
    AnotherFriend positive
    6% 13 votes
    AnotherFriend negative
    3% 7 votes
    Other(let us know on thread)
    7% 15 votes


«13

Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,465 ✭✭✭✭cantdecide


    Any merit in a poll to see who's finding what sites better? Some will be successful on any site but if you could vote for the site that's given you most success, I think it could be useful.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Coolaboola. I don't know the sites* so a list would help and then I can throw up a poll for ye


    *I appear to be subscribed to zoosk though can't recall signing up :confused: Think its a facebook thing

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,775 ✭✭✭Fittle


    Tried it and met the greatest shower of wasters I've ever had the displeasure to meet - never again:rolleyes: If they weren't married, they were in committed relationships - if it was none of those two scenarios, they stayed online and 'kept their options open'...shower of socially inept men incapable of communicating comfortably in person or by SPEAKING on a telephone - very comfortable texting or on 'chat'.....:rolleyes:

    Just my experience, sorry if it sounds harsh but I'd rather be single forever than go near online dating again;)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,551 ✭✭✭panda100


    cantdecide wrote: »
    Any merit in a poll to see who's finding what sites better? Some will be successful on any site but if you could vote for the site that's given you most success, I think it could be useful.

    I've only used OkCupid and Plentyoffish so I can't speak for any other sites. I signed up to LoveGaa but then realised I had to pay for it, and so gave it a wide birth. Personally, I don't like paid sites,I don't like the idea of turning romance and love into a money making racket.

    I have found the calibre of men on Okcupid to be much better than Plentyoffish. I've only met one guy from Okcupid, and he was very nice. We had three lovely dates, so my experience of online dating has been pretty positive so far.

    I'm in my late twenties, and tend to go out a lot less than I did in my early twenties, so online dating is a great way of meeting new people!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,750 ✭✭✭liah


    List of Dating Sites:

    OkCupid
    ConnectingSingles
    PlentyofFish
    Smooch
    Match
    Zoosk
    AnotherFriend

    Uhh.. I feel like I'm forgetting some obvious ones. But that should help with the eventual view to a poll. Maybe make it so we can pick multiple options, some people use/like more than one.

    Or make it so you have e.g. OkCupid - Positive Experience and OkCupid - Negative Experience as options so people can give a more rounded view..


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,697 ✭✭✭seenitall


    liah wrote: »
    List of Dating Sites:

    OkCupid
    ConnectingSingles
    PlentyofFish
    Smooch
    Match
    Zoosk

    AnotherFriend


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    Zoosk and Smooch really could have chosen better names for their sites!

    I've only used OKCupid and POF. Found both to be pretty decent. OKCupid is the better developed site as it just looks and feels more professional. The average age of users on OKC is around 28ish (my guess anyway), whereas POF has slightly younger users. The work OKC has put into designing profile pages just means you learn more about the person. Plus I think it attracts less of the "lolz cum check me out xoxo" type.

    But both are worth a go and both have decent enough people. I've not had any horror stories on either. Both have a fair amount of people who reply and I've met some good people on there.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Poll active

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,877 ✭✭✭stripysocks85


    Used OkCupid. Didn't get chatting to anyone interesting really. I liked the layout,and I liked the quizzes, but didn't really find it useful in it's main purpose of finding lurrrrrrve

    Used Plenty of Fish. Met 1 man, and ended up going out with him for 2.5 years. Had chatted to a few other men at the time but they all seemed to be just out for the sex, and whilst sex is really important to me in a relationship, if men push for it from the outset, I lose interest quite quickly - I'm not just a piece of meat!

    Can't comment on the others really. Signed up to Match as a joke, think they had a free trial or something. But I didn't really get chatting to anyone on that either.

    I love chatting to people, regardless of whether I've an intention of meeting them, or see them as a potential partner or not. I just enjoy chatting and getting to know people, or the flirting. I think it's a great way of building a foundation of common interests before you meet, though the meeting is very important [obviously] and I don't think chatting to someone for 2 or 3 months is a good idea without meeting them or you could end up sorely disappointed in person.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6,162 ✭✭✭Augmerson


    I've used OKcupid and POF. Out of those 2, OKcupid is definitely the better site, and I still use it. The type of people to be found on OKcupid seem more interesting - not a knock on POF users, I came across interesting people there too, but then there seemed to be an awful lot of "how r u? xx" with photos of either a tongue out or finger sticking up and hadn't got a whole lot to say. I like that on OKcupid you can take the tests or just answer questions, and you can let people know through your profile who you are more expressively.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,325 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    I am in my 40ths and am getting married to someone I met on a dating site...at the time I was separated.... I have two daughters....so for me it was a good experience for the most part but I will say its not for the faint hearted and its truly not good for anyone who is damaged in anyway ...when I have more time I will post about my experiences of on line dating.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I am in my 40ths and am getting married to someone I met on a dating site...at the time I was separated.... I have two daughters....so for me it was a good experience for the most part but I will say its not for the faint hearted and its truly not good for anyone who is damaged in anyway ...when I have more time I will post about my experiences of on line dating.

    Congrats and best of luck with the marriage/future.
    :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I am in my 40ths and am getting married to someone I met on a dating site...at the time I was separated.... I have two daughters....so for me it was a good experience for the most part but I will say its not for the faint hearted and its truly not good for anyone who is damaged in anyway ...when I have more time I will post about my experiences of on line dating.

    I'm not usre if this is suitable for the thread but can I just ask why you wouldn't recommend it for someone who's "damaged"? I'm pretty sure I fall under that heading and it was for that reason that I was thinking of joining a dating site. I mean surely even the fact that you have to get to know the person a bit before you even meet them makes it easier to trust them etc.?
    I'm not disagreeing with you or anything I just don't understand and am trying to decide whether to take the plunge or not.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I don't know whether it's ok to post this here or should I take it elsewhere, but I've been on OkCupid and PoF and have had no luck whatsoever! I'm gay (female) and it just seems that any girls that are interested, only want sex. At the start, I didn't mind and wasn't taking the online dating too seriously, as I'm young and have a good social life anyway. I'm not one to get annoyed if I don't meet 'the one'. But I find myself now getting frustrated as it's been a couple of months and I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but only for sex!

    Online dating seems to be more and more common these days, and useful for straight people. Doesn't seem to be the same for gay people. Or is it just me?!


  • Registered Users Posts: 51,342 ✭✭✭✭That_Guy


    A mate of mine met his girlfriend through Tagged (tagged.com).

    I lashed up a profile on there for the hell of it. Such an awful site and I've talked to some strange people on there.

    Haven't been on it in months tbh.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,877 ✭✭✭stripysocks85


    Met my ex on a site & toying with the idea of setting another profile up on one of the sites. I'm just not feeling it though. It is hard to meet men that you have things in common with though, but I'm not looking to jump into anything serious just yet. So the random kisses on nights out are sufficient for me en ce moment.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,877 ✭✭✭stripysocks85


    I don't know whether it's ok to post this here or should I take it elsewhere, but I've been on OkCupid and PoF and have had no luck whatsoever! I'm gay (female) and it just seems that any girls that are interested, only want sex. At the start, I didn't mind and wasn't taking the online dating too seriously, as I'm young and have a good social life anyway. I'm not one to get annoyed if I don't meet 'the one'. But I find myself now getting frustrated as it's been a couple of months and I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but only for sex!

    Online dating seems to be more and more common these days, and useful for straight people. Doesn't seem to be the same for gay people. Or is it just me?!
    If I was a gay woman, I wouldn't know where to go to pull women. I would have thought online dating was an appropriate avenue as you could meet like minded people. However, for straight people there's often the same complaint that men or women are only looking for the sex, as it seems to be an apt opportunity for NSA stuff, particularly for people already in relationships!!!

    It isn't easy for straight people to weed out the ones only looking for sex, so I imagine its like for like with gay people too. You'll just have to look a little harder :)

    Best of luck!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    Online dating seems to be more and more common these days, and useful for straight people. Doesn't seem to be the same for gay people. Or is it just me?!

    It's not just you either!!! It's hard trying to find decent people online! :(


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well at least I'm not the only one who's finding it hard I guess :D

    The annoying this is, it's not like I'm trying to drag anyone into a relationship! I just want to meet for a coffee or dinner or a few drinks, chat, get to know each other, have fun, see how things go. If it's just friendship, that's fine. If it's a few dates and a few kisses even better! And if I end up finding the one, then great!

    So basically I want anything but NSA sex! Surely there must be someone similar out there!!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,325 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    The thing is people say one thing, but behave in a completely different way...online dating can be very shallow and you are judged on what your photo is like...people aren't always honest in their profiles ( women about their age and weight, men about their hight and age )...now a you can take that sort of thing two ways..you could say a well its just people biging themselves up a bit... on the other had it makes some people suspicious and cynical about on line dating...

    The other thing I encountered a bit was the sad deslusional middle aged men who wanted to meet younger women, men who had serious problem with drink! men who were in neither a financial or emotional position to be in any sort of relationship ( usual recently separated and had decided that they wanted a new relationship/sex before they sorted them selves out financial or any other way:rolleyes: )

    The most puzzling thing I found was meeting someone who was attractive intelligent funny and we got on great but there was just no spark that happed a few times,

    Most people are grand and perfectly sound. It worked for me and for someone I am friends with. It works best for people who are open, sunny natured, sorted out and have a good life already and who don't have unrealistic expectations.

    The reason I don't think its a good idea for anyone who is damaged is because if you not feeling great why put yourself out there to be judged on how you look and possible end up in a worse position.


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  • Moderators, Regional Abroad Moderators Posts: 26,928 Mod ✭✭✭✭rainbow kirby


    I don't know whether it's ok to post this here or should I take it elsewhere, but I've been on OkCupid and PoF and have had no luck whatsoever! I'm gay (female) and it just seems that any girls that are interested, only want sex. At the start, I didn't mind and wasn't taking the online dating too seriously, as I'm young and have a good social life anyway. I'm not one to get annoyed if I don't meet 'the one'. But I find myself now getting frustrated as it's been a couple of months and I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but only for sex!

    Online dating seems to be more and more common these days, and useful for straight people. Doesn't seem to be the same for gay people. Or is it just me?!

    Also, 99% of women looking for women on dating sites tend to be looking for someone for a threesome, or asking "can my boyfriend watch?". Bleh.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,750 ✭✭✭liah


    I don't get this whole 'people lie on profiles' thing as a reason to not consider it - people lie in real life when you meet them face to face, too. :confused:


  • Registered Users Posts: 704 ✭✭✭Feu


    I don't know whether it's ok to post this here or should I take it elsewhere, but I've been on OkCupid and PoF and have had no luck whatsoever! I'm gay (female) and it just seems that any girls that are interested, only want sex. At the start, I didn't mind and wasn't taking the online dating too seriously, as I'm young and have a good social life anyway. I'm not one to get annoyed if I don't meet 'the one'. But I find myself now getting frustrated as it's been a couple of months and I've had plenty of girls interested in me, but only for sex!

    Online dating seems to be more and more common these days, and useful for straight people. Doesn't seem to be the same for gay people. Or is it just me?!

    i remember trying a site about 5 years ago, it was rsvp.ie i think, and that had sort of a portal page, which had two options, something like "looking for some fun?" or "looking for a relationship?", which seemed like quite a good idea, only thing was, i don't think it was too clear, so you got people crossing over, and then going, well i'm not contacting you, you're only in it for a bit of fun. How dare you! But yeh, i think if done properly this could weed out a lot of hassle for people. I dunno if any of the above sites do this? i used anotherfriend, and they just had a box on your profile for what kind of relationship, i.e. bit of fun, friends, relationship, and then marriage i think!

    also to the above poster, thanks, brilliant to get your take - could you put something on your profile that says something to that efect, i mean subtle, like! But you know, "looking to get to know someone...." which kind of leaves it open to could be a friend, could be longer term etc?
    damagedly wrote: »
    I'm not usre if this is suitable for the thread but can I just ask why you wouldn't recommend it for someone who's "damaged"? I'm pretty sure I fall under that heading and it was for that reason that I was thinking of joining a dating site. I mean surely even the fact that you have to get to know the person a bit before you even meet them makes it easier to trust them etc.?
    I'm not disagreeing with you or anything I just don't understand and am trying to decide whether to take the plunge or not.

    Ok the "damaging" nature of online dating was discussed a bit in the old thread. It's not so much that it's not for people who have a history, more that by it's nature, and through possibly no fault of your own, you are likely to get rejected several times, you're likely to meet unsuitable (for whatever reason) people, you may meet someone who could have seemed nice by mail, but turns out to be terrible in person, all of these things can have a negative effect on the old soul :pac: , so i suppose if you're starting from a place for example of being a bit pessimistic or down on yourself, online dating could really exacerbate things! As mariaalice said, in a certain sense you are putting yourself out there, perhaps more so than in real life, because you're saying "I'm looking for someone!", and some people can be much more cruel online than they would be in person [altho i don't think it's all to do with looks].

    That said, if you have the right attitude about it - which is, you've nothing to lose, don't take it too seriously (in the sense of the brutal rebuffs!), be optimisitic, don't get too jaded with it, don't give up on other ways of meeting people (;)) and have an open attitude - from the other thread, this seemed particularly important to the men- then it can be great! I suppose the thing is, don't close yourself off to the opportunities presented, you may have an idea of certain traits or characteristics, but as in life, the exact opposite might present itself, and be just right. Jesus how cheesy, sorry folks!

    i just think it's great opportunity to meet new people and get out of the comfort zone, yeh you can meet a bunch of creeps, but you can also make friends, and meet potential flingees, and even marriage potentials!

    and what liah said, yep people can lie, but so do people in bars!


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,027 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    liah wrote: »
    I don't get this whole 'people lie on profiles' thing as a reason to not consider it - people lie in real life when you meet them face to face, too. :confused:
    I agree. Don't get it at all. Now we all put our best foot forward and don't mention the time we peed in our shoes when drunk(actually it was someone elses, but I digress. Actually no. it wasn't me...), but the kinda lies like I dunno being married avec kids. WTF?

    I seem to be signed up to zoosk as part of my facebook thingy - I think as I don't recall signing up directly - and I took a greater interest since this thread started :) There are a few things I've noticed with the ladies on it anyway. People with no pics. Pointless I reckon. Women doing that pose that is apparently slimming. Doesn't fool anyone, a lot of men like the "cushion for the pushin" and would you want to end up with a bloke who was thick enough to be fooled or didn't want your bodyshape? Women with blokes in boyfriend poses. Eh sorry are you thick? Yep that's attractive. Txtspeak? No "are you thick" about it. Real turn off, though it depends on your demographic I guess.

    That's what my all too brief look told me anyway oh yea and it seems women don't like horror films. :)

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    Its much easier to li online- about everything, including basic things like identity and marital status.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,697 ✭✭✭seenitall


    Its much easier to li online- about everything, including basic things like identity and marital status.

    Exactly. You meet a guy in a pub, there is in most cases a social context to the situation, i.e. he will usually be accompanied by a friend/several friends or similar, so you get to draw at least some conclusions by first hand observation, based on the group dynamics, his standing in the group etc. Plus most likely he won't be let away with any blatant lies about the single/married status, etc (most likely I said! :P).

    Online? Hold on to your hat. Anything goes. Unfortunately, I learned the (very) hard way :( - by trusting at face value a very convincing conman, a thief essentially. Won't happen again.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,236 ✭✭✭Sanjuro


    My own experiences- Tried three of the big sites. POF, AF and Match. From my experience, it's a case of (excuse the vulgarity of this phrase), throwing a lot of **** and seeing what sticks. Some girls are genuine, and really nice. I've met a few of them. I dated one girl I met online for just under a year, and to be honest, it's one of the worst experiences I've ever had. She was nice at first, but turned out to be incredibly insecure and the break up was an epic mess. Caused a lot of problems for me and a few of my friends.

    I've also met online someone who's one of my closest friends now. She was here for a while, but went home to Canada. Nothing could come of it because neither of us believe in long-distance relationships. But we're still in touch and good friends.

    It's great for some people. But I do think that the meh to bad experiences outweigh the good. The nature of online dating means that most peoples' judgement is based on looks. People tend to look at the picture and make their minds up based on that. And there are a great many time-wasters. Would I recommend it? Hesitantly. Most things are worth trying at least once. But I would say go into it with a very thick skin and low expectations.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    I've had one girl message me on a site saying it's a pity I'm not into girls, got talking to her, and she said that she's finding it hard to find anyone online. she said that most girls up for anything were only experimenting and she wasn't really at that kinda place. Felt bad for her.

    Another girl messaged me, she was down as straight, but was interested. she said she wanted to try some stuff out and asked was I up for it. She said she couldn't put bi down on her profile because of unwanted male attention because of it. She couldn't go to a gay bar because of fear of being seen by someone she knew.

    I don't get the lying thing at all. Would never even occur to me. Really don't see the point. I mean I suppose it's kinda a natural adaptation of wearing make up and all that, you want to come off the best you can to make a good first impression. And yes there are a lot of men (possibly women, I don't know) who wouldn't even glance at you without being done up, or looking like a girly girl, with blonde hair/highlights, little fake tan, legs to your waist, and dressed at the height of fashion, but that's another issue... :o


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,376 ✭✭✭metrovelvet


    seenitall wrote: »
    Exactly. You meet a guy in a pub, there is in most cases a social context to the situation, i.e. he will usually be accompanied by a friend/several friends or similar, so you get to draw at least some conclusions by first hand observation, based on the group dynamics, his standing in the group etc. Plus most likely he won't be let away with any blatant lies about the single/married status, etc (most likely I said! :P).

    Online? Hold on to your hat. Anything goes. Unfortunately, I learned the (very) hard way :( - by trusting at face value a very convincing conman, a thief essentially. Won't happen again.

    It would be a good idea if there were some kind of place you could register with so that your online profile looks verified that you are who you say you are and that you are not married if you say you are not married and/or whether or not you have kids.

    http://www.lovefraud.com/04_internetThreat/Internet_con_artists.html

    "2. The Internet is anonymous

    There is no way to know for sure who is behind a web site or e-mail address. Anyone can call themselves anything. Anyone can make a web site say anything. In fact, some con artists have replicated the design of legitimate web sites so they can steal credit card information from unwitting consumers.

    Many people use anonymous remailers because they want to protect their online privacy. These computer programs remove name and address information from message headers, making it impossible to identify the sender of a message. Anonymous remailers are great tools for con artists out to defraud people as well.

    3. The meaning is missing

    When you're talking to someone face-to-face, most of the true meaning of the conversation comes from nonverbal cues—tone of voice, facial expressions and body language. How much do you depend on these nonverbal cues? Anthropologist Ray Birdwhistell estimated that 65% of human communication is nonverbal; linguist Deborah Tannen estimates that up to 90% of meaning comes from nonverbal cues.

    That means when you communicate via e-mail or the Internet, 65% to 90% of the meaning is lost.

    You can't see what the other person looks like, hear the tone of voice, watch gestures and posture. So what do you do? Most people tend to fill in the gaps by assuming the message means what they want it to mean.

    At the very least, the lack of nonverbal cues in e-mail and Internet communication can lead to misunderstandings. When one person's intention is to manipulate another, this critical lack of information can lead to disaster."


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,325 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    On line dating is a fact of life theses days its becoming unremarkable as way of meeting someone, don't get too suspicious of people MOST people on dating sites aren't married/in a relationship out to deceive you etc ( a very very small minority are ) any of the odd encounters I have had with dating site I would class the men as more sad that bad along with highly delusional about themselves...sometime I think how you view these things is a reflection of your own personality for me they became funny anecdotes that I keep my friends entertained with... ( one of my friends was laughing so much after I told her a story about someone I had meet, that she fell off the couch in my house my date had no photo up and described himself as being 6 foot and 45 years old but turned out to be 5.5 and at least 65!!! never meet anyone without a photo after that. )

    But some women get very angry and outraged by encounters like that.

    As for the lies as long as there not too delusional and more a matter of vanity that something very serious I suppose its not the worst thing, but remember if you embark on a relationship with someone who has told you lies be careful.

    The man I meet and am going to marry was completely truthful on his profile and I found that very attractive.


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