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Really down and lost over breakup

13

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Missy Moo Moo


    sam1111 wrote: »
    It was pretty bad, she just said she's going out on the pull. I thought maybe it was someone else but backed up by the pictures she's just added too then it looks like a bit more.

    Oh my god, who posts that kind of status up? Sad, desperate attention seekers, that's who. I hope to god you've deleted her on facebook by now. She's really shown her true colours OP.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 903 ✭✭✭Herrick


    sam1111 wrote: »
    It was pretty bad, she just said she's going out on the pull. I thought maybe it was someone else but backed up by the pictures she's just added too then it looks like a bit more.

    Its really starting to look to me Sam that you are far far better off without her.

    Sorry, I know its not what you want to hear.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    She has been deleted. I kinda feel like by deleting her now though it shows her that I'm not coping well and it has got to me.

    I still can't understand why she would have posted that. It makes her look so bad to not only her own friends but to mine as well.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 903 ✭✭✭Herrick


    sam1111 wrote: »
    I kinda feel like by deleting her now though it shows her that I'm not coping well and it has got to me

    Not really. If she or anyone else says anything, simply say she's in your past now and your moving on and you don't believe in staying friends with exes.

    Lot's of people delete exes off FB, don't worry, its normal and you wont look weak.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Missy Moo Moo


    sam1111 wrote: »
    She has been deleted. I kinda feel like by deleting her now though it shows her that I'm not coping well and it has got to me.

    I still can't understand why she would have posted that. It makes her look so bad to not only her own friends but to mine as well.

    Not at all, if anything deleting her shows you've empowered yourself and are ready to move on with your life, rather than pining over her on facebook. Anyway, people will always think what they want regardless of the reality so let her believe what she wants.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Well done. It won't seem like you'r not coping - it will really annoy her as that status was clearly for your benefit - especially if it is out of character. She wasn't getting anything from you by texting/emailing so she obviously had to resort to this. If she says anything about you deleting her just give a really cold, calm response along the lines of you think it's best if you have no contact so you can move on with your life.

    There's no way you could have stayed friends with her on Facebook even if there were no bad status updates because it would be too tempting to check/overanalyse the page all the time while your heart is mending. You are the one in control now.

    I feel your pain so much, it brings it all back to me, such a similar situation happened to me and since then - so many amazing things have happened that simply couldn't have if I was still in that relationship - which by the way, wasn't as perfect as I thought at the time, looking back now. I really believe that some things are just meant to be, although that's probably of little meaning to you now, you will come to realise this in the future.

    I actually think that despite this awful, awful thing that has happened to you - her acting like this will be really helpful to you moving on. If she is capable of this - just think - imagine if you had shared ownership of property? Imagine if you had children! What kind of games would she play in this situation then? It doesn't bear thinking about. This behaviour kinda gives you some type of closure.

    And don't beat yourself up about still being upset over it - it's not a small problem - maybe on the grand scale of global problems, yes, but in your life, it's huge!

    it's a break up of a seven year relationship - completely suddenly - this was a major event in your life and you're allowed time to wallow/grieve/feel sorry for yourself. There'll come a day when you stop looking at the past so much and start thinking about the future, but like another poster said don't try to mend too quickly the slower the better usually so you get complete freedom from the sorry situation.

    This is the worst it can be, things will be up and down for a while but it won't get any worse and chances are you'l end up more happy than you ever were in this relationship in the not too distant future. She's done all she could possibly do to hurt you. Listen to music, watch movies, go to the beach, do whatever things you can do to distract yourself in the mean time.

    Also bear in mind that if she is out on the pull - it is all meaningless, it's not real love, so who is the real 'winner' in the situation? What's she going to get , a few notches on her bedpost? It probably wouldnt even be enjoyable if it's a one night stand on a night out. She'll probably feel like crap after and compare them to you. Look at how much you loved her and how loyal you were to - without her deserving it at all I hazard a guess - good luck to her finding that again any time soon.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    Your right. She has let herself down here. She has already lost the majority of her friends in the past two years and now she is after losing her best friend, the only person that's really been there for her through all of that, someone that always looked out for her. If she had given me some closure and been fair about it then we could still be friends, as someone else said, if she wanted out then there's nothing wrong with that. The least I deserved though is a proper face to face talk and an explanation on why a 7 year relationship is coming to an end. Instead we're leaving on this note, seeing that status and those pictures. What a pity


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Missy Moo Moo


    Yes it's a pity but in no way is it a reflection on you or your actions, it all reflects extremely poorly on her.

    Though it may not seem like it now, I swear this will take her longer to get over than it will for you. Not only has she to contend with losing her best friend, but at some point down the line, whether it's years, weeks or days, she'll realise what she lost in you- a guy who moved to the other side of the world for her, a nice understanding guy who treated her well. Im certain it will hit her some day.

    She seems to be majorly in self destruct mode. Leave her to it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    I hope and believe I will look back on all of this in a few months and be thankful that I got out now. I'm shocked by the change in her, can't understand it but it's not my problem anymore.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    sam1111 wrote: »
    I hope and believe I will look back on all of this in a few months and be thankful that I got out now. I'm shocked by the change in her, can't understand it but it's not my problem anymore.

    exactly but the real test will be when she text's asking why you deleted her. Be prepared that it may happen. Her status's were unfair and mean to throw it in your face, Id imagine it was because you havent responded to her silly texts and she is looking for a reaction. Nevertheless dont give her one by responding if she texts and seems all willing to see you. Often this is just a test to see if she has you under her thumb.

    I know you are shocked by her behaviour but people change, OP, its a hard fact of life and sometimes it takes break ups to see that.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    A good point was made above in that you are in control now. You are controlling when there is contact and have rightly decided on none... She is like a dog snapping at your heels to get your attention and you are controlling what attention she is getting. She is a bit out of control as she knows she shouldnt be contacting you but does plus she is acting out of carachter by posting that online.. silly girl..

    She is online looking for a reaction and you have taken away your reaction to her by deleting her on facebook. You are doing great and while you think its hard now, it will make it so much easier long term to move on...

    I would be a bit like you in that I think, if someone wants to break up, then ok and away with you. I dont beg and i dont plead and I just let them go... The begging and cajoling never works IMHO. At least you have your pride then and as i said, it is easier to move on when you dont hear from them. Keep up the good work.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    She called today off a number I didn't recognise. She called because she felt she owed me an explanation and was very understanding about the deleting her from facebook and not replying. Then she broke the news that she has kissed a guy, she isn't seeing him but she is staying where he is staying. I can only assume it will go further. She told me to move on and see other people.

    I'm going to be honest, this broke my heart. I tried to reason with her because I don't want her to sleep with him and for things to go so far that they are un fixable. There's not much reasoning you can do over the phone. I told her I was coming to see her and she said no...she said if I did she thinks I'd convince her to get back together and that's not what she wants.

    I still really want to go see her, what should I do...I'm in a real mess here, need some hard honest opinions, can this be saved? She has always been indecisive and has admitted to being confused. Should I go and see her and try and talk some sense into her?


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    No Sam don't do it. If she was in any way interested in a reconciliation she would let you know about it. She may have always been indecisive but she sure as hell seems decisive about this one. You may not care about pride at the moment but you will down the line and I'm pretty sure that if you go to see her you will not change her mind. Imagine you, showing up, and her and the new fella being there?

    Of course you are heart broken over this for gods sake you've been broken up a week it didn't take her much time. What you're feeling is normal...human...

    But bear in mind, you will never have what ye had together again if you get back together. The damage is done, in my opinion, you could never fully trust her again so really, do you want it back? Your first reaction might be yes but think about this carefully. Think about getting back together and knowing about the way she dropped you, the facebook status, the new guy. Will it be the same relationship you are pining for at the moment? i'm not sure it can be.

    Put yourself in her shoes - if you were in any way in love with your ex and thinking about getting back with them would you kiss someone, tell your ex about it and put it on facebook? No, surely not. At the end of the day only you can make this decision but I really think you are setting yourself up for another big rejection.

    It's totally understandable that it's hard for you to accept the break up on such sudden terms and rationalise that there must be some sort of mistake on her side that you can fix, but you must realise that she has already grieved the relationship while ye were still together, I doubt she made this decision out of no where.

    Bad things happen to people all the time, they go through rough patches, but this does not cause them to break up with their life partners! It causes them to draw on them for even more support. What I'm saying is don't blame any external circumstances, this decision was made based on your relationship and how she felt about it, as hard as that is to swallow.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,671 ✭✭✭BraziliaNZ


    sam1111 wrote: »
    I told her I was coming to see her and she said no...she said if I did she thinks I'd convince her to get back together and that's not what she wants.

    Fatal error. Playing into her hands again and giving her more of a power trip, she knows you're pining after her now.
    She does NOT WANT YOU anymore, you need to get that into your head.
    Don't answer dodgy numbers anymore, have no contact, seriously she is not getting back with you it never happens in these situations, and you'll realise sooner or later that you could never have fixed it.
    Let her sleep with him, it's not your concern anyway. By communicating with her you now have more worries, thinking about her banging someone else etc. Stop talking to her.
    sam1111 wrote: »
    Should I go and see her and try and talk some sense into her?

    What sense? She doesn't want you anymore, you can't talk her out of that. There's nothing unsensible about losing the attraction to someone. No you should not go and see her, you'll just humiliate yourself further. Keep your dignity while you still have it and stop ALL CONTACT as of right now, please!!


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - going to keep this short.

    Ignore her.
    She calls you on mobile - don't answer.
    She calls you from a blocked / different number - hang up immediately.
    She calls to your door - don't answer.
    She "bumps" into you on the street - turn around and walk the other way - fast.
    Her friends contact you - ignore

    This is only about ego now. It is all about her making herself feel better - watching you swing at her every word.
    I am not kidding here - you have to be brutal - reconcile yourself to the idea that he person you were/are in love with is not there anymore, probably was never there. More than likely you were in love with a lie and only now are you getting the truth.

    No contact means no contact - you don't have to be polite about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 903 ✭✭✭Herrick


    Seriously, she sounds like a total head wrecker. Why in the fcuk did she have to ring you off a different number? :confused:

    My guess is she thought you wouldn't answer a call from her number, so went to the trouble of ringing you to tell you this?!

    She only did that to get a reaction out of you and boost her own ego! She actually sounds like a right piece of work, if she cared at all about you she wouldn't tell you about any other fellas so as not to hurt you more.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    Herrick wrote: »
    Seriously, she sounds like a total head wrecker. Why in the fcuk did she have to ring you off a different number? :confused:

    My guess is she thought you wouldn't answer a call from her number, so went to the trouble of ringing you to tell you this?!

    She only did that to get a reaction out of you and boost her own ego! She actually sounds like a right piece of work, if she cared at all about you she wouldn't tell you about any other fellas so as not to hurt you more.

    Yep she is an absolute biatch!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    sam1111 wrote: »
    She called today off a number I didn't recognise. She called because she felt she owed me an explanation and was very understanding about the deleting her from facebook and not replying. Then she broke the news that she has kissed a guy, she isn't seeing him but she is staying where he is staying. I can only assume it will go further. She told me to move on and see other people.

    I'm going to be honest, this broke my heart. I tried to reason with her because I don't want her to sleep with him and for things to go so far that they are un fixable. There's not much reasoning you can do over the phone. I told her I was coming to see her and she said no...she said if I did she thinks I'd convince her to get back together and that's not what she wants.

    I still really want to go see her, what should I do...I'm in a real mess here, need some hard honest opinions, can this be saved? She has always been indecisive and has admitted to being confused. Should I go and see her and try and talk some sense into her?

    Gosh Sam this is like she is rubbing salt into your wound. She couldn't care less about your feelings. You cannot improve on matters by going to see this woman, you will achieve nothing. You cannot make someone want you if they don't want to. In fact if you stay away from her entirely you would have a better chance if that is what you want. If she wants you nothing will stop her getting in touch with you so don't think that by distancing her now you will ruin your chances, you won't. It appears to me that she was a bit fed up in her relationship with you and now she wants to play the field. It doesn't matter who she kisses at this stage and she shouldn't be telling you things like this. You would be better off telling her you don't want to know if she insists on telling you stuff like that. Shut her up before she gets the satisfaction of telling you, unless of course you asked her and if this is the case then for your own sake don't ask anymore. It can only lead to more and more anxiety. The way to stop this anxiety is to keep away from her. Let her do what she likes as far as you are concerned. There are nicer women out there waiting for you, so go get them.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    Let her go, OP, she's a headwrecker, yesterday I was off the opinion, she just cant handle a breakup, now Im completely turned. Ringing you did nothing to improve the situation, and rubbing in what she did and telling you where to go. Dont contact her again, dont answer her. she is being totally unfair


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Missy Moo Moo


    sam1111 wrote: »
    She called today off a number I didn't recognise. She called because she felt she owed me an explanation and was very understanding about the deleting her from facebook and not replying. Then she broke the news that she has kissed a guy, she isn't seeing him but she is staying where he is staying. I can only assume it will go further. She told me to move on and see other people.

    I'm going to be honest, this broke my heart. I tried to reason with her because I don't want her to sleep with him and for things to go so far that they are un fixable. There's not much reasoning you can do over the phone. I told her I was coming to see her and she said no...she said if I did she thinks I'd convince her to get back together and that's not what she wants.

    I still really want to go see her, what should I do...I'm in a real mess here, need some hard honest opinions, can this be saved? She has always been indecisive and has admitted to being confused. Should I go and see her and try and talk some sense into her?

    I'm sorry to say OP but I cringed a bit reading this post. To anyone reading this is the post of a man desperately clinging onto hope for a woman who clearly doesn't love him anymore. Let's look at the facts- she told you to move on and see other people. She told you she kissed another guy. She told you not to come over in case you changed her mind and that's not what she wants. And yet you still think you can talk sense into her?

    I'm sorry to be harsh OP but at this stage, this is a game to her. She's enjoying watching you squirm and is going out of her way to cause you discomfort, ie posting status updates for your attention, ringing off a different number just to tell you she's kissed a guy?

    Block her number, get a new number, do whatever it takes to get rid of this toxic b*tch from your life.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 6 guest4123


    OP, I have read every word on this thread and I felt compelled to register and reply. Why? Because I went through the exact same thing as you a few years ago. I started going out with my girlfriend when I was 18. We ended up living in England for a few years before getting engaged and moving back to Dublin. We were engaged for about 1 month before she changed completely and started going out on the town without me. It took me a while to realise that everyone changes in their 20's. I was so different back then. She cheated on me with another bloke and I didn't find out until a few months later. I hate to say this, but I wasted the next 3 years of my life with this woman. She couldn't decide what to do. She wouldn't leave me alone! I even left the country to get away from her and see if she would settle down and get sense. She duped me the whole way. Letters, calls, cards were very plentiful. I ended up in Canada and she still convinced me to try "one more time". I moved back home to Ireland to find out that she was full of lies and was still seeing this other poor sap the whole time. I was blind to reality and I didn't want to address the fact that she was playing me the entire length of this drama. I really didn't settle down until I met my now wife who is my soulmate and gorgeous mother of my kids.

    I feel for you and I know most of the advice here might be hard to take. Believe me, anyone who has posted here has gone through similar circumstances and we all know what the best plan of action should be. Cutting off all contact is the only way you can move on. Simple as that. Find new friends. Join a social club. If you are into sports, find a league where you can play. Just get her out of your head and keep telling yourself that you are better off without her. When I was ready to move on, I had a bonfire in my back garden and threw every picture, letter, card etc. on top......very liberating.

    I do hope that you can convince yourself that it will get easier. You have just started the process and you will go through many emotions. Stay strong my friend. It's corny, but time does heal all wounds. It took me years. Don't let that happen to you!

    All the best.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    Thanks for all the replies,

    I agree with all the advice above, when I read it it makes perfect sense. I can't change her mind, and why would you want to. If someone doesn't love you and dropped you like a hot potato why would you want them back? I guess it's a pride thing, I guess it's the feeling of being unwanted, of not being good enough.

    I have had friends who have dealt with tough break ups and I've always thought, the best way is to show your ex you are getting on with your life. To not contact them. Whether you want them back or not I believed this was the best approach. Sadly, me now being in the situation, I just have a fear she will get with someone else who is 'better' than me, who gives them all the things I couldn't. A fear that someone I had planned my life with will end up with someone else. I know it all sounds cringy but this is what is going on in my head right now. It's tough waking up in the morning and realising they have had a change of heart and don't love you anymore.

    I've never been someone that feels down, I've usually got a smile on my face and I'm a pretty positive and fun person but this has sapped the life right out of me...for now. I want to get on with my life, I know I need to, it's just the initial few days/weeks that are going to be tough but your responses have really helped me through a very lonely period and for that I am very grateful.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 240 ✭✭Missy Moo Moo


    sam1111 wrote: »
    Thanks for all the replies,

    I agree with all the advice above, when I read it it makes perfect sense. I can't change her mind, and why would you want to. If someone doesn't love you and dropped you like a hot potato why would you want them back? I guess it's a pride thing, I guess it's the feeling of being unwanted, of not being good enough.

    I have had friends who have dealt with tough break ups and I've always thought, the best way is to show your ex you are getting on with your life. To not contact them. Whether you want them back or not I believed this was the best approach. Sadly, me now being in the situation, I just have a fear she will get with someone else who is 'better' than me, who gives them all the things I couldn't. A fear that someone I had planned my life with will end up with someone else. I know it all sounds cringy but this is what is going on in my head right now. It's tough waking up in the morning and realising they have had a change of heart and don't love you anymore.

    I've never been someone that feels down, I've usually got a smile on my face and I'm a pretty positive and fun person but this has sapped the life right out of me...for now. I want to get on with my life, I know I need to, it's just the initial few days/weeks that are going to be tough but your responses have really helped me through a very lonely period and for that I am very grateful.

    I actually felt a bit bad after my last post, just wanted to make you snap out of the trying to win her back mode. That'll just make you feel even more crap, dejected and rejected.

    Understand totally what you're going through though, it's the worst thing in the world when someone stops loving you and of course you question yourself and what you could have done better etc.

    In time you'll realise it's nothing to do with you, and it's all her. As for meeting someone "better", doubt it. She doesn't sound in the frame of mind for a relationship. You'll meet someone better though, guaranteed :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was the same when it came to others in break ups, I always doled out the rational advice in spades but when it's you - completely different ! It's basically your heart overtaking your head.

    The problem is that you are in such shock and feeling so low from the rejection you can't be rational. But as you slowly, slowly but surely come back to life it will all sink in and you will one day view the whole thing rationally. Be prepared to not be sane for a few weeks.

    Sure you will feel like you were not good enough afterwards - but this happens to lots and lots of amazing people. As long as you didn't do anything horrific to her - then it's not you - it's her. She didn't have it in her to appreciate all of your great qualities. She didn't know a good thing when she had it. She may have been too insecure on what she was missing out on to commit to a relationship this long term. Whatever it is - she just wasn't the right one for you.

    Most people I know - actually all people I know - who've been through this have ended up in a better relationship in the long run. It's just one of those harsh life lessons that half of the world go through.

    I was never ever an unhappy person but I was depressed for about a month after it happened. No appetite. No sleep. but it lifted. Took ages though. The pain of the rejection, the not knowing. So be prepared to feel this way but know it's certainly not forever. I was happier than ever before about 9 months later. I was a far better, independent, lively person for the whole sorry ordeal. Thought that day would never come but it soon did.

    This is anonymous so I don't have to feel like a loser saying this but watching loads of cheesy break up films helped initially - forgetting sarah marshall etc. Helps give you the perspective you so lose when you are in the grips of it.
    And you probably won't be interested in any other girls for a while but that will lift too. I really believe you will be glad of this a couple of years down the line.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    I actually felt a bit bad after my last post, just wanted to make you snap out of the trying to win her back mode. That'll just make you feel even more crap, dejected and rejected.

    Don't feel bad, you were just calling it like it was. If it were something else then maybe I could win her back. She has said she wants me to see other people and that she has kissed someone else. Even though everything in my body is telling me to go and see this girl, what good would it do? If I did convince her to get back, how long until she gets cold feet again!?! I realise I am giving myself advice here. I know that the best thing to do is get on with it. I would love to go and see her, just to talk even but it's not going to make a difference. She wants this and there's nothing I can do or say to change that.

    I really do believe we were right for each other, we obviously want difference things at the minute and I know her very well and she's very confused. But that's not good enough really. That's not an excuse for what she did and what's happening and me going to see her will only add to the confusion and make me feel worse. I would love to work things out, would love to solve this but it can't be fixed, not now anyway and I can't wait around for her to get this out of her system. It's really sad that we can go from being happy and making plans one minute to this the next. I know people are saying she was obviouslty thinking about doing this for a long time, we had our minor issues but honestly things were good. I know if she had thought it she wouldn't have let me move down here. Something happened, whether it was this guy or what that changed her mind and confused her and now she wants this...I can't wait around to see if she ends up calling a month or so down the line. I can't go through all this again.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    Sam the only way that this can be fixed is if both parties want it and she doesn't want it so you are wasting your time trying to fix it. It is called a break up because it is broken, but try not to crack up over this. Wishing you all the best for the future, you are a great guy.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 30 sam1111


    Yes, your right, there is an issue here that can't be fixed. I probably should have been honest about it from the start but it was so personal that I tried to just lock it up.

    We had a miscarriage about 8 weeks into the pregnancy about 6 months ago. At first it was obviously tough, but I thought we were dealing with it reasonably well. It wasn't a planned pregnancy, and although we would have been more than capable of catering for the child we didn't own our own home and weren't married so we tried to take as much positives ( and I know they still matter very little in the grand scheme of things) out of the situation. Well I did anyways. But the longer it went on I could see it was eating away at her. Looking back I don't think I gave her enough support or the support she needed to cope. I was always there for her but if she didn't bring it up I didn't either, I didn't want to make her unhappy or bring up bad emotions. Later on then she often brought it up on nights out and I always told her it wasn't the time or the place in case others might hear.

    I definitely dealt with it a lot better for the first 3-4 months than she did but its been eating at me now for the past few months. Seeing kids, thinking what if's and that. I know I sound sappy and a real downer but it's all tied in. I know deep down this is our issue right now. It's obviously not the only factor but she thinks I'm not there for her and I suppose she is now taking it out. I have always been there for her, I've never ignored her or not made time but there is no manual on how to deal with this, I did what I thought was best at the time, which in hindsight wasn't enough. I suppose she looked at me and saw I wasn't hurting as much as her. It's all killing me right now, it's making all this so much harder.

    Sorry now for throwing another issue into the mix, this is the first time I've opened up about it to anyone other than her. Thanks for listening.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,128 ✭✭✭dellas1979


    When a relationship breaks down and time is called by the other person, we will go over and over and over and over in our heads what we could have done better, what we could have changed, what could have been. The what ifs, the maybes. The hope that something is salvagable and fixable.

    We literally beat ourselves up, which is what you are doing. Self-flogging. The we go back to more thinking about all the above. Then more hope. Then more flogging. Eventually you will tire yourself out.

    It will be a cycle like this for a while for you. But you will snap out of it when you've had a chance to process it all. Some people are lucky in that they process events more quickly the "yeah-he/she isnt worth it, move on. Full stop" brigade. Lucky them. You are not one of them, from what Ive read in your posts.

    The one thing you need to get rid of though is the hope that this is fixable. Now maybe in a few months when everyones heads are together a bit more, it might work out. We can never say never. But I'd bet money on it that when you do process everything thats going on, and give it a little bit of time, and the self-flogging becomes less or stops, if she comes back to you, you might have a different opinion of her then. You'll think "how could someone whos supposed to love me do this"? Then youll realise that there is no trust there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm really sorry to hear that you went through that before this. But as hard as it is - try not to consider it a factor in the break up...like I said before, when most couples or people go through hard times, it brings them closer to their partner, gets them to call on them for more support.

    Judging from this threat, I can't imagine you were completely insensitive and ignored the situation, although this is all I have to go by.

    It doesn't sound at all like she is breaking up with you because you weren't there for her enough, if that were the case, she would have said so.

    At the moment you are looking for something to pin it on, but I really believe this isn't the reason, as little as I know about the situation. This is just your mind wanting to blame yourself, wanting to find a solid reason.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 18 mike0c


    The above posters have given you some great advice. At the end of the day you know her better than anyone else but you cant force someone into something they dont want. In saying that your last post puts a bit of a different spin on things. I still wouldnt be hopeful of changing her mind. I think she probably needs the space to sort her own head out. Maybe she no longer sees you as the man she wants in her life because of all of that. I know its tough going thru all of this especially with that on top of it all but if she says no then what other choice have you got?


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