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would you forgive or dump?

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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 937 ✭✭✭newbee22


    The nice guys don't like me!!!!!!:o


  • Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭Lippy C


    I forgave an ex but we broke up eventually the trust was gone he broke my little heart but that was a very long time ago. If I meet someone and it happens again I would finish it straight away, but im sure there are enough of you nice guys out there somewhere;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,811 ✭✭✭xoxyx


    I'd find it very hard to get over somebody I loved kissing another person.

    BUT, people are complicated. Forget quantum physics - people are the most difficult things to understand - ever!

    Unfortunately, I think that people cheat more than we realise. Affairs are different, but a snog in a bar can happen all too easily. You may be in the most secure relationship in the world, but God only knows what else is going on in your life, and, a hot girl, or guy, coming on to you might give you a lift that will take you away from your troubles for a while.

    I have never cheated on my partner, and I don't think I ever will - because I know I've found the guy I want and I can't look at anybody else. I think he feels the same way. However, nobody can know anybody else inside out.

    If I found out that my boyfriend snogged some girl on a drunken night out I'd be heartbroken, but I wouldn't say that it was the end. It would be different if he was hooking up with somebody on a regular basis. But, one kiss, one time. It's a betrayal of trust, but I don't think it spells the end of a relationship.

    There are way too many layers to people for anything to be black and white.


  • Registered Users Posts: 87 ✭✭Lippy C


    xoxyx...yes your words are very true,shocking how many people are having affairs :eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    Too many factors to take into account for a decision to be black and white.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    If someone was to cheat on me, I'd be questioning why they were with me, if they were getting all over someone else.

    There was a girl I went out with nearly 10 or so years ago. She started leaning towards a mate of mine and kinda going out with him as well. She asked me to talk about it and decide what "we" should do. Told her plain and simple that it was her choice to make. Never spoke with her again after she did. Don't know weither or not I would of forgiven her if she choose differently. But it's something I'd want to discuss or understand before making up my mind.

    I have to say, you were very lenient Drav. Was it an extremely casual arrangement between you? Jesus, I'd never treat a guy like that. From an outsider pov Drav, you dodged a bullet there. You deserve a lot better than her!


    OP, I know you said 'no depends', but the reality is it would matter to some, and not others.

    For me, it would be the end. Kissing can be more intimate than sex itself, and thats where the bond lies for me. Kiss someone else and the trust is gone as far as I'm concerned. This sounds kinda pathetic, but if someone else kissed me while I'm in a relationship (definitely not reciprocating!) I'd start crying. It happened to me in a past relationship, and even though I know I didn't do anything wrong, I kept blaming myself for being in that situation at all. I was only chatting away to the guy, but he obviously took things up the wrong way, and I felt like I'd been unfaithful. Took me a while to get over that one.


  • Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,358 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    Abi wrote: »
    I have to say, you were very lenient Drav. Was it an extremely casual arrangement between you? Jesus, I'd never treat a guy like that. From an outsider pov Drav, you dodged a bullet there. You deserve a lot better than her!

    Lenient, maybe but then again that was the first I've ever had to deal with something like that so I thought it'd be best to remain calm and cool. I heard from another friend she got really upset because of that. I knew they had started hanging out more often but that didn't concern me at the time. It wasn't until shortly before she wanted to talk to me about it that I'd known of it.

    Hasn't really been a bother to me since, this is the most I've thought of it in almost 10 years ;P


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,289 ✭✭✭Howard the Duck


    If they came clean about it straight away and were truly sorry then i could probably forgive it if i loved them a lot.

    If i feel like there is the possibility of me kissing someone else when i am seeing someone then i will finish that relationship, and that's why i'm single right now :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,084 ✭✭✭Hyperbullet


    Dumped without a second thought, and I wouldn't feel a damn bit bad about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,048 ✭✭✭✭Snowie


    As many of said situation would be my first port of call ie have we bees. An item for long how was she feeling about I who the little rat was who kissed my girl and was she sober and did she want to....

    Depending on her answers I draw conclusion but I wouldn't but I would expect a free pass of pussy and blow jobs every morning and for her to learn to enjoy watchin stargate and for her stop watching soaps if I had a gr that is.....

    But really down to one thing do I love her do I see a future ?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 974 ✭✭✭BarackPyjama


    Dumped without a second thought. Life's too short.


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    I think its far to easy to say dump straight away when your not in that situation.

    If you really care for somebody it may not be that easy to just get up and walk away and never see them again. Although, that is probably what should be done.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,084 ✭✭✭Hyperbullet


    py2006 wrote: »
    I think its far to easy to say dump straight away when your not in that situation.

    If you really care for somebody it may not be that easy to just get up and walk away and never see them again. Although, that is probably what should be done.

    Unfortunately been in that situation and I can honestly say that if it happened again I'd dump the woman in question. Made the mistake of trying to get on with things after it happened before but a betrayal of trust is one of the hardest things to mend.

    That's just me though, other lads may want to work on things. I just don't waste my time on untrustworthy people.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,660 ✭✭✭G86


    It really does depend on the circumstance. If it was a serious relationship, and I really loved the person, then I might try to get past it. But trying doesn't necessarily mean it'll work, once the trust is gone you're pretty much screwed imo, and it's very hard to build it back up.


  • Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    Unfortunately been in that situation and I can honestly say that if it happened again I'd dump the woman in question. Made the mistake of trying to get on with things after it happened before but a betrayal of trust is one of the hardest things to mend.

    That's just me though, other lads may want to work on things. I just don't waste my time on untrustworthy people.

    I think py2006 is just saying that people who claim "dump immediately, no questions" are not perhaps thinking of a long-term, living with someone relationship.

    In my relationships in the past, yeah, I would have said goodbye pretty quickly and not looked back. In my current relationship, we have built a life together, joint possessions - from cars to cats! - and it's not something you can walk away from overnight.

    Having said that, I don't think I could ever fully trust again, but I would need a discussion. I would need to understand what happened. And I would need a LOT of time to get over that amount of betrayal.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭Jason Fly


    I'm not Christ and neither suffer from Alzheimer, so I don't forgive nor forget


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    While I think kissing is a forgiveable offense, I think I'd find it pretty hard to move on after it. The trust would be completely gone, plus I'm quite a proud person and don't think I could look at myself in the mirror if I were to accept such blatant betrayal.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    What if it was another girl she kissed?


  • Registered Users Posts: 31 mars411


    If the guy was out for the night and kissed another girl I would forgive him. Im a complete softe and I just can't help it. But if he slept with another girl, well then!!!! Would also depends if i knew the girl or not.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,131 ✭✭✭Azureus


    I genuinely dont think you can say unless it happens. In theory-walk away dont forgive-life is **** hard already,who needs that kinda betrayal from someone who supposedly loves you!
    But its not always that easy-circumstance matters masssively whether you pretend it doesnt or not!


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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,404 ✭✭✭✭Pembily


    I would dump! I cheated and was forgiven and looking back I cheated for a reason, I wasn't happy in the relationship! I also found out after another relationship that my ex (was told this the day after I broke up with him) had kissed someone else while on holidays - if I had known sooner I would have broken up with him. You cheat for a reason, it's cause you are not happy with that person (IME and IMO), regardless of the long term future, trust has been broken and do they really just want you!

    If my boyfriend kissed another guy it's the same as him kissing another girl - makes no odds if the person you are in a relationship kissed another girl or boy, cheating is cheating, same sex or not!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1 partyon


    riddle me this..My wife came to me saying her twitter friend had become a cyber sex partner?????and she wanted to take it the whole hog and shag a stranger, with my concent of course, i said yes as long as i can watch... two months 3 adds on vivastreet and craigslist later we had our man ....sex between us was like first we met 12 years before and the night before our pre arranged cuckold meeting i said better take a pregnancy test incase anything has to be proven.... came back positive.... she hates me ever since she's due in dec haven't had sex since april?????? give honest opoinions please


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,138 ✭✭✭paky


    Ok I don't want any depends on the situation if's or buts here..
    in fact no need to comment i just want everyone to vote honestly in the poll..

    the question is: if your girlfriend/boyfriend kissed another person i.e. cheated on you, would you dump her/him or stay with her/him?

    (in my opinion it doesnt make a difference if they are sober or drunk or whatever as if it happened it happened) (also bear in mind your partner kisses the person back and i'm talking a proper kiss with tongues, not a peck)

    i suppose if you liked her enough you could forgive her but if she did it again the relationship would have to be terminated


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,200 ✭✭✭G-Money


    I always hated the idea of cheating and said I would never do it. And while I never have, I've come to realise that it's possible I would. However what hasn't changed is that I wouldn't cheat on someone I wanted to stay with. If I was happy and everything, I wouldn't cheat.

    If I wasn't happy or for some reason the relationship hadn't come to an end yet and if I got the opportunity, then I might possibly do it. But in those situations you're better to just end things and then you can do whatever you want.


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