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One-Liner Jokes

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    #1832
    Splainc
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 498 ✭✭Splainc


    onlyrocknroll wrote: »
    Also Bob Monkhouse.

    People laughed when I said I'd be a comedian, well they're not laughing now.

    :D


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    #1833
    RichieO
    Registered Users Posts: 320 ✭✭RichieO


    I can't remember if I've got Alzheimer's, amnesia or really bad memory!


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    #1834
    jc77
    Registered Users Posts: 541 ✭✭✭jc77


    Man walks into bookshop, "Do you have the new self-help book for men with really small dicks?" Girl: "It's not in yet." Man replies "Yeah, that's the one!"


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    #1835
    chuky_r_law
    Registered Users Posts: 705 ✭✭✭chuky_r_law


    Que voulez-vous tout un pikey français?

    Hugo Boss



    with thanks to google translator


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    #1836
    Steve_o
    Registered Users Posts: 3,432 ✭✭✭Steve_o


    folan wrote: »
    2 gold fish in a bowl, one turns to the other and asks

    Do you know how to drive this thing?

    Fail...

    That should be two goldfish in a tank....


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    #1837
    sensibleken
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,650 ✭✭✭sensibleken


    A horse walks into a bar. the barman says. why the long face? and he says because Im nicholas cage.

    Rene Descartes walks into a pub. the barman says 'would you like a pint', descartes says 'i think not!' and he disappears

    what do you call a ban garda with a shaved vagina
    cuntstuble


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    #1838
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »
    So stolen from Stuart Francis on Mock the week last night!
    Jeez, nearly all jokes are stolen from somewhere. Just passing it on. Not everyone's heard it and I never actually said I wrote it. Stuart Francis must've stolen it from somewhere coz I didn't see 'Mock the Week' and had heard it before.:p


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    #1839
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistani flood relief ... its called








    "Rain drops keep falling on Achmed".

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1840
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistani flood relief ... its called








    "Rain drops keep falling on Achmed".
    You're as funny as suicide.


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    #1841
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    Hillbilly 1 to hillbilly 2: 'Whaddaya call a bear without a paww..'
    Hillbilly 2: 'Say.. I dunno Earl..'
    Hillbilly 1: 'Rupert the bastard..'


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    #1842
    deise48
    Registered Users Posts: 585 ✭✭✭deise48


    a pair of glasses walks into a bar and asks for a pint the barman says i cant serve you. your off your head


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    #1843
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    Johro wrote: »
    You're as funny as suicide.


    Scientists have taken satellite pictures of Pakistan







    They say that it looks like a big bowl of CoCo Pops

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1844
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    MonkieSocks wrote: »
    Scientists have taken satellite pictures of Pakistan







    They say that it looks like a big bowl of CoCo Pops
    Fair play..


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    #1845
    dh0661
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭dh0661


    Kinky Slinky wrote: »
    Is there any jokes here that haven't been nicked from sickipedia

    So0o0oo - show me yours ---- I'll consider showing you mine.


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    #1846
    major bill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,421 ✭✭✭major bill


    What do you call a Pakistan flood survivor?

    Mustafa Dinghy.


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    #1847
    MonkieSocks
    Registered Users Posts: 8,259 ✭✭✭MonkieSocks


    When's the only time a Ginger person will get asked for sex???

















    ........On an application form

    =(:-) Me? I know who I am. I'm a dude playing a dude disguised as another dude (-:)=



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    #1848
    Johro
    Registered Users Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Johro


    If you happen to be at a festival, smoking a fat one, and a guard walks over, do not say: It's only a bit of craic..
    It sounds wrong..


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    #1849
    condra
    Registered Users Posts: 3,849 ✭✭✭condra


    Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.


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    #1850
    oicherider
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭oicherider


    Why do sea gulls fly over the sea??

    Because if they flew over the bay they'd be called Bay Gulls.. Bagals - get it?!.. Not bad for only 5!!! :D


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    #1851
    Patri
    Closed Accounts Posts: 330 ✭✭Patri


    Two dyslexics walk into a bra :pac:


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    #1852
    fobster
    Registered Users Posts: 947 ✭✭✭fobster


    Why does Ben Dunne no more ambition in life? Because he's Ben there and Dunne that.


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    #1853
    N1one
    Registered Users Posts: 82 ✭✭N1one


    I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...



    I failed my driver’s test. The guy asked me "what do you do at a red light?" I said, I don’t know… look around, listen to the radio…


    Why does Irish chilli have only 239 beans?
    -Because if it had one more, it’d be too farty!
    :o


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    #1854
    Bearhunter
    Registered Users Posts: 656 ✭✭✭Bearhunter


    fobster wrote: »
    Why does Ben Dunne no more ambition in life? Because he's Ben there and Dunne that.

    Ben there, Dunne that and bought the Taoiseach, if the rumours were true...


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    #1855
    major bill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,421 ✭✭✭major bill


    feeling a little depressed lately i decided to treat myself to the jay z endorsed back scratcher

    I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT AN ITCH AINT ONE


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    #1856
    colinod0806
    Closed Accounts Posts: 614 ✭✭✭colinod0806


    XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »
    So stolen from Stuart Francis on Mock the week last night!
    Kinky Slinky wrote: »
    Is there any jokes here that haven't been nicked from sickipedia
    get a life no one here is claiming they wrote the jokes:rolleyes:

    Johro wrote: »
    You're as funny as suicide.
    face it sometimes suicide can be funny:)


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    #1857
    Ave Sodalis
    Registered Users Posts: 7,547 ✭✭✭Ave Sodalis


    colinod0806 wrote: »
    face it sometimes suicide can be funny:)


    Bunny book of suicides...legend!


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    #1858
    Grudaire
    Registered Users Posts: 3,620 ✭✭✭Grudaire


    colinod0806 wrote: »
    face it sometimes suicide can be funny:)

    Time for some emo jokes:


    Did you hear about the new emo website?
    www.emo.com/wrists


    When I look at an emo, I don't see one person, I see two disappointed parents.


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    #1859
    lionela
    Registered Users Posts: 131 ✭✭lionela


    Man walks into a bookies shop and asks the clerk " Can I back a horse in here ???) clerk answers ...of coarse you can...good says the man and calls his horse outside by name...Come on Back away

    Boom Boom


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    #1860
    patmac
    Registered Users Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭patmac


    I Have just bought eight legs of venison for a tenner.....Do ya think thats two deer????


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    #1861
    major bill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,421 ✭✭✭major bill


    do you reckon joseph fritzel goes around prison saying larry murphy jokes??:o


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