What is important for you in a relationship

LegacyUser · 03-04-2012 7:18pm #1

I'm interested in getting opinions on something.

1st, what is it you look for in a woman (or man), for a relationship.

2nd, if you're in a relationship, does your partner match up to the ideas you had before the relationship?

Me, I'm 25 and have not ever had a gf. Ya its a strange one. but I don't think I'm a quasimodo. Maybe I'm too picky - I want a girl who shares my interests, my music, my sense of humour, my love of travel, etc. I get bored with real girly girls, like my friends gfs, I dont see what they can talk about all the time when theyre alone.

But my mates have said that they felt the same as me before meeting their gfs. They think that theyre not compromising now, but of course they are?

Maybe what I'm looking for is a buddy, but in hot female format. Does such a thing even exist! Maybe I don't no what Im looking for, til I'll find it?

Curious to know others experiences, whether yer opinions maybe changed ovr the yrs, and so on.

Otis Driftwood · 03-04-2012 7:32pm

Moved from tGC.

stripysocks85 · 03-04-2012 8:05pm

Im looking for someone easy going with a great sense of humour. Someone confident, but not arrogant. Hardworking, but not overly so. Someone who shares similar interests with me, but also different ones. Someone who enjoys sex. An all rounder I think. Your partner SHOULD be your best friend. Someone you can tell anything to and feel completely comfortable with. Someone you enjoy being with and look forward to spending time with. I'm being very idealistic here, but anyway

cactuspaw · 03-04-2012 8:11pm

tbh op, i think your one of the few 25 year old guys who looks for that kind of girl. most guys i know are very based on how a girl looks and while the group i hang out with is a good mix of guys and girls, most of the girls are single even though I would say they are very intelligent, attractive women. the guys in our group don't seem to be interested in us at all really, but happy to date girly, ditzzy girls.

anyway, what do I look for in a man? hmmm...how long have ya got?
sensible, decent funny guy. I used to be a lot more pickyer, but tbh now i just want a nice sound guy who i can have a bit of craic with. I guy who makes the effort and treats me with respect.

allgirlz · 03-04-2012 8:49pm

I am at the other end of things now as am married, but what I looked for in my husband was someone kind, who I could chat to about anything and who made me laugh and vice versa. Obviously at the start there was all the physical attraction (still is) but over time it grew into something more solid. I knew from the beginning he was different though, he never played games and always made me feel good about myself. He is my best friend, and is always in my corner, that is hugely important to me.
Sounds like you have a good attitude and I have no doubt that you will meet someone soon.

coffee_cake · 03-04-2012 9:20pm

OP, this is now in PI, and not for getting others' experiences.
Is this a personal issue for you? If not I will lock it or move it somewhere

LegacyUser · 03-04-2012 10:35pm

bluewolf wrote: »

OP, this is now in PI, and not for getting others' experiences.
Is this a personal issue for you? If not I will lock it or move it somewhere

No, certainly not a personal issue. I was just interested in hearing the experiences of others,to see how things had gone for them, if their opinions had changed over the years.

Its not an issue for me that I havent had a girlfriend. I thought it might have been a good discussion is all, whether your wants and needs change when you meet the right person. I was looking for discussion, not advice.

No point moving to AH I think. I thought gents club may have been interesting place for it, but it seems not. I'm not sure where else would suit really.

ihsb · 03-04-2012 11:52pm

OP, I think you have to change what you expect.

I personally think that your OH should be your best friend. But to share all the same interests I think is mad. Variety is the spice of life and if you find someone that shares all these things with you then you may aswell stay alone because you will be dating a female version of yourself.

Of course you need some things in common. To me sex and sense of humour is the most important. But the OH has a completely different taste in music, doesn't have the same passion for travel as I have and expects completely different things off me in a relationship as to what I expect of him.

But somehow it works.

Be more open to girlie-girls, they might surprise you and be open to compromise.

That_Guy · 04-04-2012 10:55am

Personally I look for someone with a good personality first and foremost. If she's pretty then that's a bonus but not a necessity for me.

I'd like someone with similar interests but I think it's important to share different interests and to get involved with her interests just as I'd like her to share in mine from time to time.

Just somebody I can trust really and share nice moments with and have stupid private jokes and basically just to have that butterfly feeling again knowing that somebody thinks the world of you like you do her.

Oh and the ride. :pac:

jaffacakesyum · 04-04-2012 11:01am

Looks and personality are equally important for me. I'd hate to be with someone who didn't think I was 'that pretty' and was just with me because we got on really well, clicked personality wise.

I don't think it's shallow either. I just won't get in a relationship with someone who I think is 'alright' looking. They have to be really attractive to me. That doesn't mean they need to be a supermodel - what I find really attractive somebody else could think is 'meh'. :pac:

stupidusername · 04-04-2012 7:49pm

The right amount of sensitive, hard working, funny, intelligent, open, thoughtful - the usual things people go for I suppose. a big thing for me is feeling he's into me. don't like doing the chasing.

Sauve · 05-04-2012 12:12am

allgirlz wrote: »

is always in my corner

^^
Very well said. That sentence pretty much sums up what I would describe as the perfect relationship.
It summarises a healthy balance of encouragement, inspiration, loyalty, trust. Someone who will challenge you, pull the best out of you, and still be there when it all falls apart.

Physically, I rate 'that something' over looks everytime. That flash of attraction when you first make eye contact? Unbeatable

kangaroo · 05-04-2012 1:38am

Aside:
Personally, I find this sort of thread more interesting if people say if they are male or female. Note: I'm not saying anyone has to. However, some posters may think many or most people will know while I, for one, find it hard to keep track of who is who, even when I'm posting, or reading, a bit.
(Male, although I find the gender thing more interesting for the "What is important for you in a relationship?" question and similar questions, rather than this sort of comment).

amacachi · 05-04-2012 4:16am

Looks aren't hugely important to me but for me to be interested in a girl she has to have blue eyes. :pac:
I'm pretty non-specifically fussy when it comes to women. Funny and smart would be the two main things. Also not worried about heavy usage of alcohol and stuff. Doesn't seem too likely. :pac:

guitarzero · 05-04-2012 5:01am

First off, I have to be physically attracted to her. I still cant grasp how folks can be with someone and not find them arousing, it simply doesnt add up for me. And as many have said too, I'm not out searching for a model, just someone that I find attractive. Based on girlfriends in the past, what I find attractive can vary a fair bit.

The hardest part for me is the character compatibility, I'm like a triple A battery. I dont get a long with most folks I meet but I'm always accommodating. I'm naturally introspective and prefer meaningful dialogue over small talk. Of course, with the opposite sex, this means the odds are even more unfavourable, here in Dublin anyway.

You mentioned your 25, I wouldnt worry, a few of my mates havent had GF's before and they're heading into their late 20's, one of them is actually a great catch. Vast majority of fellas/mates I know are single not by choice but because what you were kinda hinting at, the actual talking to women and how much compromise you have to make. Would I be wrong is guessing you're from Dublin? I've found a lot of the Dublin women in their 20's, whether it be cuz of the celtic tiger, TV, Sugar Babes or whatever, to be pretty dim, easily amused, a bit hysterical. You simply cant have a conversation with most of them without wondering "what would my 14 year old self say?".

Your mates are with those girly girls for one thing, it just depends how much you are willing to compromise, what your threshold for stupidity is. If she's a cracker then I'd definitely laugh at her bullshít over a few pints.

I think a lot of depends on what you're into, your character and how attractive you are. If you're into alternative types of music, very picky and another face in the crowd then online dating could be the thing for you.

karaokeman · 05-04-2012 11:06am

I'm not too fussy about funny girls or girls who are not too girly. There is something cute that sticks out about girly girls and lets be fair it would be difficult and possibly unhealthy to find someone who is basically the female version of yourself, you have to have some differences.

I would also agree that while they say personality is a lot more important than looks, you have to have a certain degree of attraction to another person. To have a strong and healthy relationship it must be mutual in both ways, for liking the other person for who they are and having a reciprocal sexual bond. One cannot form a lasting relationship without the other, I don't know of any couples that lasted because they didn't have the best of both.

So yes looks are vastly important, and the whole "looking for a model" thing is bull**** beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. I personally find brunettes to be far better looking than blondes but I know other's who see it the other way around. A woman who is a genetic genius to one fella is only average looking to another.

Also I would not encourage online dating to anyone in any circumstance. Especially for guys who have never had girlfriends or been on a date, girls on those sites may not always reply to your messages and winks. It can be frustrating and its a massive blow to anyone's confidence.

I would be much more inclined to encourage someone to be as sociable as possible and try and meet as many girls as they possibly can. If you ever see an attractive person sitting by themselves at a pub, train, bus in a quiet atmosphere just go up and talk to them. Its difficult at first but it gets better and easier to do with experience, it can also be a useful alternative to guys who find it difficult to meet girls in nightclubs because at least in these situations they will more than likely be sober and may not have set plans.

wivy · 05-04-2012 11:31am

1. Initially I would admit I go for looks when approaching a guy... tall, dark.. As previous posters say I really think you need that initial attraction and it is important for me..

2. I want a guy whos intelligent, witty and funny with a kind and caring personality. Someone I can basically talk to about everything and anything and who can make me fall around the place laughing...

3. Someone with ambition and some get up and go in them. They want to go places, try new things and are open to new experiences!

... not looking for much at all really... :P

Daisies · 05-04-2012 12:33pm

Sauve wrote: »

^^
Very well said. That sentence pretty much sums up what I would describe as the perfect relationship.
It summarises a healthy balance of encouragement, inspiration, loyalty, trust. Someone who will challenge you, pull the best out of you, and still be there when it all falls apart.

+1. I want someone who I can be myself with. My true self. Someone who will make me laugh, who will lift me up when I'm down and someone who shares some interests with me. I also love when someone is passionate about something that I have no clue about. I love hearing them explain the topic and the flash of enthuasiam is so attractive.

Sauve wrote: »

Physically, I rate 'that something' over looks everytime. That flash of attraction when you first make eye contact? Unbeatable

+1,000,000 for that. That spark whether it's a glint in the eye when you first make eye contact or whether it's the fact he made you laugh until your belly hurt at your first meeting. I find myself attracted to people who are not conventionally good looking (whatever that may be) due to something that just clicked initially.

awec · 05-04-2012 12:39pm

This post has been deleted.

guitarzero · 05-04-2012 1:19pm

wivy wrote: »

1. Initially I would admit I go for looks when approaching a guy... tall, dark.. As previous posters say I really think you need that initial attraction and it is important for me..

2. I want a guy whos intelligent, witty and funny with a kind and caring personality. Someone I can basically talk to about everything and anything and who can make me fall around the place laughing...

3. Someone with ambition and some get up and go in them. They want to go places, try new things and are open to new experiences!

... not looking for much at all really... :P

Probably explains why so many lads I know are single:)

Princess Peach · 05-04-2012 2:18pm

My partner exceeds my ideas and expectations for the relationship. This is my first really good relationship, didn't really believe it was possible

Personality wise we just click! We are both super silly and funny, and a little bit on the mental side. We have mutual respect for each other, he knows I'm smarter and I don't rub it in his face :pac: We are both very caring and loving and sensitive to each others feelings. Both on the same page to how much we care for each other and what we want for our future. Talk all the time about everything, stupid stuff and important stuff. Don't ever feel the need to hide anything from him. Share a lot of the same interests in games/books/movies/tv shows. Sex drives are pretty much on par, and very compatible there.

So he is my best friend and my buddy, but one I ride when I can :pac: I didn't really go looking for the guy who was perfect for me, just kinda happened.

Snowie · 05-04-2012 3:43pm

awec wrote: »

My answer to the question would have to be that I honestly don't know.

thats not actually a bad thing

Me, I think attractions really important for me, if I wasn't attracted to her I wouldn't go with her. Personality too. I don't mean to sound to, shallow but I can't lie and say Id go with a girl cause she's got an amazing personality attraction is just as important... As my mates girlfriends says if you can imagine your self naked with that person its all good...

Quirky in their own right creative, or not creative doesn't bother me a degree of sarcastic intelligence

slightly off the cuff sense of humor...

Pawwed Rig · 05-04-2012 5:30pm

Snowie wrote: »

Me, I think attractions really important for me, if I wasn't attracted to her I wouldn't go with her. Personality too. I don't mean to sound to, shallow but I can't lie and say Id go with a girl cause she's got an amazing personality attraction is just as important... As my mates girlfriends says if you can imagine your self naked with that person its all good...
Quirky in their own right creative, or not creative doesn't bother me a degree of sarcastic intelligence slightly off the cuff sense of humor...

Attraction is fine initially but there needs to be more than that. I have met alot of very beautiful very very uninteresting girls. Longer term looks don't tend to be as important

- old married man here my wife has it all though;)

Snowie · 05-04-2012 6:24pm

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Attraction is fine initially but there needs to be more than that. I have met alot of very beautiful very very uninteresting girls. Longer term looks don't tend to be as important

- old married man here my wife has it all though;)

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know

I just go bye instict these days.

D'Agger · 05-04-2012 6:43pm

Two things for me -

(1) Looks - you need the initial attraction to somebody
(2) Sense of humor/Wit - I like to joke and mess around, I have an odd sense of humor and a quick enough wit - I like somebody who'll slag me off and keep me on my toes.

Daisies · 05-04-2012 7:41pm

Snowie wrote: »

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know

I just go bye instict these days.

What I tend to find is the more I get to know the person and their personality, the more attracted to them I become (obviously this only works is they are not a complete d1ck).

G-Money · 05-04-2012 9:47pm

Someone who interests me and is a bit exciting but not to the point where she is high maintenance and/or doing my head in or getting herself or others into trouble.

Attraction is important too and that's one thing that sort of puts me off internet dating. You can see pics and chat and everything but it usually takes days at least before you get around to meeting and it can be a whole lot of build up and a big let down. Whereas when you are out and you see someone you just know straight away you fancy them.

Snowie · 05-04-2012 10:32pm

Daisies wrote: »

What I tend to find is the more I get to know the person and their personality, the more attracted to them I become (obviously this only works is they are not a complete d1ck).

Isn't that like an unwritten rule.

Daisies · 05-04-2012 10:43pm

Snowie wrote: »

Isn't that like an unwritten rule.

Sometimes ya just gotta point out the obvious!

boobar · 06-04-2012 9:07pm

Good looks first (not going to lie about that)
Personality (if this is the pits then the above won't make it last)
Wit (good crack and witty)
Caring (sure you have to get a bit of TLC)

Pawwed Rig · 07-04-2012 12:26am

Snowie wrote: »

But I do agree but I need to be attracted to the person is personality really enough ? I would agree yes but i still think you need some level of physical attraction.. You know what they say... You know when you know

I just go bye instict these days.

No. There needs to be attraction. What I am saying is there needs to be more than attraction or you'll be saying goodbye in short order

What is important for you in a relationship

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