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Gay porn

  • 15-02-2010 8:25pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Regular poster, going unreg for this one.

    I was on my OH's computer today doing some research for a project I am doing when I came across a porn site that he seemed to be going onto regularly. Now, usually I have no problem with porn at all, I find it a healthy part of our relationship as we usually view it together. The videos that I discovered however all involved men partaking in a variety of sexual acts.

    We have a very open and honest relationship and I only assume that him keeping this from me means that he is ashamed? Embarrased by being turned on by members of the same sex? He's a very traditional man and although we have homosexual friends, he is never fully comfortable around them, much to all of our amusement.

    I am not worried about it, simply wondering is it normal for straight men to view gay porn?


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 47 Miller Boy


    It's certainly normal for many men to be curious about what goes on in gay porn clips. If he watches it a lot, maybe you should ask him about it.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Yeah, pretty normal, out of curiosity and suchlike. There's a million and one reasons why he was looking it up before "he's secretly gay", up to and including sending it to mates as a prank or simply wondering about what it was.

    I wouldn't worry - as long as everything is ok in your relationship, this shoudn't raise any flags.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,350 ✭✭✭GiftofGab


    I am male and I think that this is not normal at all. Well, not normal for a straight guy. I would honestly think that any male that looks up any sort of gay porn is a homosexual (or bi since his is your OH). If he is frequently looking at it, you should be very worried. As a male, I would not be one bit curious at all. I have never viewed gay porn.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    I don't think you should necessarily be worried but if you are wondering about it and it's playing on your mind, why not just ask him about it? He hasn't deleted all history, it's not being done furtively so I'd just say you have noticed & ask him about it. Best of luck.


  • Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    He could well be feeling insecure around your gay friends because he is very nervous about his own underlying feelings about being attracted to men. I think you are just going to have to ask him about it. It would be better you know now if that is indeed the case...


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,243 ✭✭✭LighterGuy


    I agree with shellyboo. Its not a red flag per say.

    But as his girlfriend you would feel a bit taken back by it. Anyone would. To be with someone and feel you know them in and out, then to find out they might be curious. It would take you back a bit. Its one of those things. Being of the subject nature (and a guy) you could forgive if he withheld anything But within saying that if you date someone, and seeing as how you both say you are open minded it is a bit weird for him to with hold it. But he is a guy after all. But thats a grey area.

    Personally, i'd put money on that he is "curious" - weather or not he does anything is a different story. If you said he was on a gay site thats about contacting other gay people thats a different story. (then we are talking red flags)

    Over the next while, and when you get a chance mention bisexuality or men being curious. He might open up. I think he should. There is nothing wrong with if you were curious at one point and hiding that, but if you are currently curious .. i dont think that should be hidden to your partner.

    You say him and you have the same homosexual friends. If he told one of them before you then yeah, you, or anyone would be very annoyed. but as it stands right now. You found out a clue that suggest he might be curious (but lets be honest there is no might about it... its just about how curious he is now )


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    GiftofGab wrote: »
    I am male and I think that this is not normal at all. Well, not normal for a straight guy. I would honestly think that any male that looks up any sort of gay porn is a homosexual (or bi since his is your OH). If he is frequently looking at it, you should be very worried. As a male, I would not be one bit curious at all. I have never viewed gay porn.

    Plenty of straight girls look at lesbian porn, whats the difference?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭omahaid


    krudler wrote: »
    Plenty of straight girls look at lesbian porn, whats the difference?

    Any straight girl I know who I've asked about porn have no problem admitting they have looked at lesbian porn, so I assume its fine for men too.


  • Registered Users Posts: 34,788 ✭✭✭✭krudler


    I've watched gay porn at my girlfriends request, being the modern man I am I have no issue with it, didnt do anything for me but she enjoyed it and thats all that mattered, but at no stage did i think "jaysus I must be gay now" while watching it, guys need to get over this idea that looking at another man in a sexual way must mean you're a closet gay


  • Registered Users Posts: 401 ✭✭Dwn Wth Vwls


    The combination of looking at a gay site regularly and being uncomfortable around gay friends would seem to me like he does have some attraction to men. Chances are he's still 90% straight or something along those lines, but if he's traditional as you say, he may just not have a way to cope with these feelings.

    He's very lucky that you have no problem with it, but he may be unaware of that. He's probably still too scared or uncomfortable to talk about it and afraid of the consequences. I think ultimately you should broach the subject with him, or it will only get worse. Keeping a secret is not good for him.

    I think if you were in bed talking and said something along the lines of this; "I was on your computer the other day and I couldn't help but notice something. I don't want you to freak out though, because I'm completely okay with it. I'd just like to talk about it, because I was surprised to find it; The gay porn you've been looking at.".


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  • Registered Users Posts: 5,925 ✭✭✭aidan24326


    GiftofGab wrote: »
    I am male and I think that this is not normal at all. Well, not normal for a straight guy.I would honestly think that any male that looks up any sort of gay porn is a homosexual (or bi since his is your OH). If he is frequently looking at it, you should be very worried. As a male, I would not be one bit curious at all. I have never viewed gay porn.

    Nonsense, there is such a thing as curiosity you know.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭Fink Goddie


    No straight man would look up gay porn!
    Curiosity my eye.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,497 ✭✭✭omahaid


    No straight man would look up gay porn!
    Curiosity my eye.

    How do you know?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    I'm a straight man, and I've watched the odd clip because I was curious about the mechanics of it.

    I'd just like to remind thunderdome regulars that it's forbidden in the charter to quote posts from PI :)


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭Fink Goddie


    tbh wrote: »
    I'm a straight man, and I've watched the odd clip because I was curious about the mechanics of it.

    I'd just like to remind thunderdome regulars that it's forbidden in the charter to quote posts from PI :)

    The mechanics of it? I think you could guess without having to watch it no.
    Whats next, curious about what it would be like to be in the video??

    I just dont think thats very straight behaviour at all, if it was my boyfriend i'd be gone like a shot!!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    The mechanics of it? I think you could guess without having to watch it no.
    Whats next, curious about what it would be like to be in the video??

    I just dont think thats very straight behaviour at all, if it was my boyfriend i'd be gone like a shot!!!

    *shrugs* just telling the truth, I don't really care if you believe me or not.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭Fink Goddie


    tbh wrote: »
    *shrugs* just telling the truth, I don't really care if you believe me or not.

    That i dont believe what that your a straight man with gay curiosity into the mechanics of what goes on?
    Its how far that curiosity goes that should worry the OP


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    Well then the op needs to talk to her partner about it.

    Yes 'straight' men and women look at all sorts of porn that doesn't mean they ever wish to
    do any of the things in them and it is more 'normal' then most people think for a guy to look at gay porn.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,414 ✭✭✭kraggy


    Jeez, I've watched midget and granny porn.

    Doesn't mean I wanna experience either.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,443 ✭✭✭Fink Goddie


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    it is more 'normal' then most people think for a guy to look at gay porn.

    According to who?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    If you want to starting looking up human sexuality studies then fire away.
    This thread is about offering the op advice no debating the 'norms' of human sexuality.
    You have stated that you would consider it to be a deal breaker in a relationship, fair enough,
    if it is for the op she will have to figure that out for herself.

    beautifulmirage it could be that your partner is Bisexual that is he is attracted to men but has never done anything
    with another man and while being attracted to men prefers women and has chosen to be in a relationship with you.
    There are many reason why people who are bi will hide it, due to not being comfortable with it or not wanting to
    talk about it with their partner as it can raise issues which they don't want to deal with or feel will damage the relationship.

    There are plenty of Biphobic people out there and the myth that a bi person can't be happy within a monogamous relationship with one person is one of them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 15,914 ✭✭✭✭tbh


    also a lot of sites have straight and gay porn videos listed together. If he's going to dedicated gay sites, it's more of a warning than if he's clicking gay videos on mixed sites, imo.


  • Registered Users Posts: 4,871 ✭✭✭Karmafaerie


    Watching gay porn doesn't make him gay.
    But being curious, or clicking on something by accident is different from regularly looking at a site as the OP implied.

    Either way it still doesn't make him gay.

    He might simply be turned on by the taboo more so than the act.

    If it's not an issue to you, then maybe you're better leavng it as it is.
    Whatever you do, don't be confrontational.
    If he's very traditional as you said, then maybe even you bringing it up will make him very defensive.
    Only you can answer that really, as you know your relationship.

    It comes down to trust more than anything really.
    If you trust him as a straight man, I can see a reason not to trust him as a bi-sexual man, whether he is or isn't.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,328 ✭✭✭cafecolour


    Heck, I'm a gay man and I've watched lesbian porn entirely out of curiosity. I'd say if he was seriously bisexual or such, you'd have found far more than one website.

    But sure ask him about it. Just make sure you don't do it in away that seems to serious or puts him on the defensive.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,307 ✭✭✭weiland79


    GiftofGab wrote: »
    I am male and I think that this is not normal at all. Well, not normal for a straight guy. I would honestly think that any male that looks up any sort of gay porn is a homosexual (or bi since his is your OH). If he is frequently looking at it, you should be very worried. As a male, I would not be one bit curious at all. I have never viewed gay porn.

    Well as i am also a man, I have to say that while there are of course men that would be sick to the stomach at another man watching this type of pornography.There are of course plenty of us that don't feel threatened by it.
    OP i really wouldn't feel worried about it as the way i see it,it really has to do with the ease of access the internet affords us all.If I'm brutally honest there is a lot of stuff I've looked at in the privacy of my home that i wouldn't bring up in 'normal' converstation.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    simply wondering is it normal for straight men to view gay porn?

    Personally, I'd say no, it's not "normal". I would have nothing to do with it and would switch off or leave if it was on.

    But then if I've learned one thing, it's that there's no "normal" or "average" when it comes to issues of a sexual nature.

    So if it's "normal" or more widely accepted, feel free to call me the exception, and I'm glad to be.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,700 ✭✭✭irishh_bob


    krudler wrote: »
    Plenty of straight girls look at lesbian porn, whats the difference?

    apples and oranges , its widlely acknowledged that most women have a lesbian side , this is not at all the case with men


  • Registered Users Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    irishh_bob wrote: »
    apples and oranges , its widlely acknowledged that most women have a lesbian side , this is not at all the case with men

    Agree, women have sexier bodies/get turned on by different things.

    I don't think its normal at all. I'm male and it has certainly never occured to me to look at gay porn.

    If he regularly looks up gay porn id be fairly certain hes bisexual/gay. There's a lot of people putting it down to curiosity but I doubt many of them would bet money on it being exclusively that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,073 ✭✭✭sam34


    irishh_bob wrote: »
    apples and oranges , its widlely acknowledged that most women have a lesbian side , this is not at all the case with men
    Agree, women have sexier bodies/get turned on by different things.

    I don't think its normal at all. I'm male and it has certainly never occured to me to look at gay porn.

    If he regularly looks up gay porn id be fairly certain hes bisexual/gay. There's a lot of people putting it down to curiosity but I doubt many of them would bet money on it being exclusively that.

    i think its only in mens fantasies that most women have lesbian tendencies!

    i would never look at lesbian porn, but i look at straight porn and gay male porn

    the female body does nothing whatsoever for me in terms of turning me on, and i know my female friends say the same thing

    having said that, i dont think looking at a particular genre of porn means someone wants to participate in that, necessarily.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 30 thedeadp0et


    No, for a straight man to watch gay porn on a regular basis is not normal at all - it is in fact rather abnormal. Most men I've spoken to, including myself, would have watched many types of porn out of mere curiosity although it wouldnt be in any way regular.

    If you've noticed visits to this particular material on a regular basis via his internet browsing history (which is really none of your busniess wheither you're his other half or not) then either he's frequently looking at gay porn and has bisexual tendencies or else he could be visiting straight porn sites and these entries are a result of pop-ups advertising other sites that contain clips of gay porn which isn't uncommon at all. You should be aware that it doesn't necessarily mean he's watching it.


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