Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !
What did the monster say to his psychiatrist?
'I feel abominable.'
God Bless You!!!
This one used to crack me up as a kid.
Barber: Were you wearing a red scarf when you came in?
Barber: Oh dear, I must have cut your throat.
What's white and wears sunglasses?
What do you call two apples?
Why did the jelly baby go to school?
Whats black and white and black and white and black and white....?
Whats black and white and laughing?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
A young boy puts up his hand in class one day and says,
"Sir, I has no pencil."
The teacher replies,
"No no no:
'I have no pencil,
You have no pencil,
He has no pencil,
She has no pencil,
You all have no pencils,
We have no pencils,
They have no pencils."
The little boy thinks for a moment and then raises his hand again,
"But Sir, then who has all the pencils??"
-who are the nicest people working in a hospital?
-the ultra-sound people!!
Whats green, shiny and dangerous?
An apple with a gun!
- who are the coolest people in the hospital when the ultra-sound guys are off??
- the hip-replacement people
How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus ?
A porky-pine !
This isn't exactly a joke, but moreso an actual incident that happened last week with Junior Infants when we were learning about electricity:
Me [trying to elicit prior information]: Where do we get electricity from?
Kid [very seriously & innocently shouted]: JESUS!
Other than that, I've been told many jokes. One which I can remember..............
Teacher, what kind of hair does the sea have? WAVY!!!!!
Oh oh oh, I can't believe I almost forgot my ULTIMATE FAVOURITE JOKE!! [If anyone I know reads this, they will know who I am!!!]
Q: What did 1 snowman say to the other?
A: Do you smell carrots?
I LOVE THIS JOKE!!!!
I was on the T.V once, my mam told me to get off!
Who made up fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!